Anyone ever fall for their therapist?

[Anonymous]

I crushed on my massage therapist. But after I O’d once (not his fault!) I decided to switch. It turns out that what happened is not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

OP here. Well, I have borderline personality and my therapist specializes in that, so he’s probably familiar with this. I hope it’s okay. I hope he doesn’t know. I hope he’s not mad at me or disgusted with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

OP here. Well, I have borderline personality and my therapist specializes in that, so he’s probably familiar with this. I hope it’s okay. I hope he doesn’t know. I hope he’s not mad at me or disgusted with me.

PP here. Then you should definitely discuss it with him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

OP here. Well, I have borderline personality and my therapist specializes in that, so he’s probably familiar with this. I hope it’s okay. I hope he doesn’t know. I hope he’s not mad at me or disgusted with me.

PP here. Then you should definitely discuss it with him!

No. Like all things, this will pass. Do not discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

OP here. Well, I have borderline personality and my therapist specializes in that, so he’s probably familiar with this. I hope it’s okay. I hope he doesn’t know. I hope he’s not mad at me or disgusted with me.

He definitely is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

OP here. Well, I have borderline personality and my therapist specializes in that, so he’s probably familiar with this. I hope it’s okay. I hope he doesn’t know. I hope he’s not mad at me or disgusted with me.

He definitely is.

That’s a terrible thing to say! Especially after OP just shared that she has borderline personality! WTAF.

OP, he definitely would not be. This is pretty common. You are not weird for having these feelings. Your therapist definitely would not be shocked or mad or disgusted.

[Anonymous]

I did. We ended up dating for about 4 months. Someone reported him and he ghosted me. No breakup, no explanation, just silence. It really messed me up for a long time. I don’t blame him, I know he had to protect his livelihood. But it felt horrible and I wish I had never gotten involved with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I crushed on my massage therapist. But after I O’d once (not his fault!) I decided to switch. It turns out that what happened is not uncommon.

How did you O? Just from a normal massage? Why did you change massage therapists after that? Because you were married or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are supposed to develop feelings for your therapist. It's part of the process. Google "transference." If you can, tell your therapist about what you are feeling so you can explore it.

A serious crush is actually not “part of the process” - it’s better thought of as a potential negative side effect. I’ve done a lot of therapy and had an extreme crush on one therapist who was, no surprise, attractive and fairly close to me in age. The crush in no way helped me or the therapy, even though the therapist handled it totally correctly.

“Transference” is only really useful when it’s much lower caliber, like feeling temporarily hurt if your therapist stumbles over words and says the wrong thing, or cancels an appointment, or pushes you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, or says something you disagree with. It’s also only really useful as part of therapy if your actual mental health issue beinf is interpersonal. Which a lot of times it isn’t - if I show up with extreme anxiety, the therapy is about how I relate to anxiety, not my attachment needs as made visible by transference or whatever.

The exception here is probably therapy for borderline personality. In that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that the way the client relates to the therapist is going to be part of the therapy and a way to practice using therapeutic tools and gain insight.

How did your therapist handle your crush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when I was in college struggling with bipolar disorder. It was amazing at first but the excitement wore off after a few months, and we got sloppy... another client figured it out I think based on how his office smelled, and reported him to whatever board is responsible for ethics. We cut it off after that.

Hey, doc, how come it always smells like a slaughterhouse in here after your sessions with that one gal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason going to therapy is bad in most cases!

Seriously. These people sound like creeps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason going to therapy is bad in most cases!

Seriously. These people sound like creeps.

There's a disturbingly high number of therapists who went into the profession to work on their own stuff, didn't, and now have power/authority over vulnerable people who they exploit. And outing them is incredibly difficult, because it's so easy to paint the reporting patient as "crazy" or disturbed, not the victim of disturbing behavior by someone with a duty to adhere to a higher moral and ethical standard.

It's really hard to screen a therapist when you're injured. If you were working correctly, you wouldn't need them in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason going to therapy is bad in most cases!

Seriously. These people sound like creeps.

There's a disturbingly high number of therapists who went into the profession to work on their own stuff, didn't, and now have power/authority over vulnerable people who they exploit. And outing them is incredibly difficult, because it's so easy to paint the reporting patient as "crazy" or disturbed, not the victim of disturbing behavior by someone with a duty to adhere to a higher moral and ethical standard.

It's really hard to screen a therapist when you're injured. If you were working correctly, you wouldn't need them in the first place.

Just wanted to chime in on this.

When I think back to my young adulthood, it was the kids in my college with the most mental issues that were interested in psychology. If I had a tricky issue in my personal life, I’d ask the normal well adjusted people first and those people second.

Obviously if you’re literally bipolar and need meds, you need support from people that have studied the disease from a scientific perspective. But if you’re just generically under mental stress, therapy may be a mixed bag.