I Need Help. Explosive 7 Year Old DS.

[Anonymous]

My son was a lot like this. He was diagnosed with ASD at 11. He did well in school because there’s no surprises at school regarding expectations, and he’s twice exceptional so does very well academically.

You need a full neuropsych evaluation to see what your child’s diagnosis is (it could be different than my sons), and a psychiatrist for medication to help the mood swings and anger.

My son is 14 now and things are much much better.

[Anonymous]

The holding it together at school/camp, saying wants to die, and the explosiveness at home sounds like anxiety and depression of that age group. We found out the extent of them both during the psych eval and testing for our child. We were in your shoes once. It was really helpful for our family and therapy helped so much. It really did get better. Hang in there OP.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, what you describe does definitely have similarities to my son with ADHD. Medication helped him the most of anything, by far. ADHD is a disorder of regulation, this can include regulation of emotion. What do you mean he is disciplined after saying he wants to die? I'm thinking (hoping) you meant the opposite, maybe I read that wrong.

Glad you are getting support as parents. Also recommend Dr. Shapiro and his course. I haven't done the support groups but some people like them a lot https://www.parentchildjourney.com/
As much parent training/coaching as you can get will help. You will have to discipline him differently.

But really, I would put MOST of my energy on getting a diagnosis. with the mentions of harming himself I would probably personally get a full neuropsych. But it is pretty much impossible to do that quickly without paying a hefty price. But it is probably worth it if you can find a way to swing it. You need a correct diagnosis so you can get on the correct medication and the right supportive therapy.

Good luck, it is so hard, I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What does he get frustrated with?

His triggers seem to be any time we tell him to stop doing something. Like if he’s being silly and we ask him to stop. It’s like we’re hurting his feelings. He’s highly sensitive.

What do you mean by discipline?

Taking things away from him.

What do you mean by set him off?

He essentially explodes - throws things, hits, etc.

So if you tell him to stop throwing, or hitting, what exactly would you take away? Would you also yell or verbally reprimand? Would you verbally or physically redirect to another activity? Would you not speak at all?

Where is your attention usually focused prior to these silly behaviors? What does being silly look like? Are there certain times he’s allowed to be silly or is that just frowned upon in your house? Does he get silly more when he’s left alone? Like you leave him alone and after awhile he’s acting silly?

Is being silly different from the hitting or is it always in succession- he acts silly, you take something, he throws or hits? Is that accurate or something different? Will he throw or hit after you tell him to stop or does he wait to throw or hit only after you take something?

You said problems also happen with the sister- what’s that look like?

[Anonymous]

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. It was life-changing for us. Didn’t completely solve everything (we had explosive behavior at school for several years after) but extremely effective at home. Depending on how pervasive the behavior is, medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like what we went through at age 9. Hang in there! It can get better.

In-person therapy is probably best. Virtual was a disaster for us, but in-person with the right person was helpful. It's good to combine with some parent sessions, and that can be virtual.

Our kid was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and anxiety. It's still hard to know what is in the driver's seat at any moment, but the inflexibility and the emotional regulation challenges were helpful for us to see through a diagnosis. DBT-C was also recommended to us as a person above noted, but we had a very hard time finding it for a kid younger than a teen. You might have better luck. It sounds useful.

What is the camp like? Is there a lack of structure? If he does better at school, it could be useful to try to find an alternative camp (unlikely to be possible, I know) and/or talk with the organizers about accomodations. He may need more structure or clearer rules or better previewing of what's coming next. There might also be some conflict you don't know about going on with other kids that is leading to him being stressed.

He is probably holding it together in public and losing it at home as a safe space. The more you can try to build the relationship and use incentives and benefits rather than punishments, the better. Of course, discipline is required, but you may need to tread carefully first to get him to a better place.

I would mention the part about wanting to die to your ped and make sure the therapist knows. Depression could be involved, too. Good luck!

My kid usually did better than school than at camp. In retrospect I wish I’d just hired a summer nanny and worked on therapies/swimming/tutoring over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Op, what you describe does definitely have similarities to my son with ADHD. Medication helped him the most of anything, by far. ADHD is a disorder of regulation, this can include regulation of emotion. What do you mean he is disciplined after saying he wants to die? I'm thinking (hoping) you meant the opposite, maybe I read that wrong.

Glad you are getting support as parents. Also recommend Dr. Shapiro and his course. I haven't done the support groups but some people like them a lot https://www.parentchildjourney.com/
As much parent training/coaching as you can get will help. You will have to discipline him differently.

But really, I would put MOST of my energy on getting a diagnosis. with the mentions of harming himself I would probably personally get a full neuropsych. But it is pretty much impossible to do that quickly without paying a hefty price. But it is probably worth it if you can find a way to swing it. You need a correct diagnosis so you can get on the correct medication and the right supportive therapy.

Good luck, it is so hard, I hear you.

Disagree about putting all emphasis on the neuropsych. When my child started this kind of behavior we did PCIT with a therapist trained at KKI and it started working almost immediately. Therapist said the diagnosis didn’t matter - she would treat regardless of dx. He did end up getting the ASD dx just after we started therapy and the therapist said again, no difference in treatment but if it wasn’t working she would refer to an autism specialist. PCIT has been tested on a wide variety of diagnoses. https://www.pcit.org/uploads/6/3/6/1/63612365/rib_9_-_pcit___asd__owen___mcneil_.pdf

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old with adhd and anxiety is similar. Much better now that we understand the diagnosis and have medication. Focus on getting an eval so you know what he and you need next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Op, what you describe does definitely have similarities to my son with ADHD. Medication helped him the most of anything, by far. ADHD is a disorder of regulation, this can include regulation of emotion. What do you mean he is disciplined after saying he wants to die? I'm thinking (hoping) you meant the opposite, maybe I read that wrong.

Glad you are getting support as parents. Also recommend Dr. Shapiro and his course. I haven't done the support groups but some people like them a lot https://www.parentchildjourney.com/
As much parent training/coaching as you can get will help. You will have to discipline him differently.

But really, I would put MOST of my energy on getting a diagnosis. with the mentions of harming himself I would probably personally get a full neuropsych. But it is pretty much impossible to do that quickly without paying a hefty price. But it is probably worth it if you can find a way to swing it. You need a correct diagnosis so you can get on the correct medication and the right supportive therapy.

Good luck, it is so hard, I hear you.

This helps so much and thank you. And sorry, I wrote that wrong. He is NOT disciplined for saying that. He says that after he’s disciplined. Thanks for catching that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old with adhd and anxiety is similar. Much better now that we understand the diagnosis and have medication. Focus on getting an eval so you know what he and you need next.

Curious whether you medicated the anxiety or ADHD or both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old with adhd and anxiety is similar. Much better now that we understand the diagnosis and have medication. Focus on getting an eval so you know what he and you need next.

I could have written this response word for word (I checked the date to make sure I didn't!)

Yes, focus on that eval and getting answers. Mine is 10 now. 7 it was awful. Every day was awful. Everything was awful. Therapy wasn't working (she wasn't interested and it was zoom). We read all the books. We tried all the strategies.

At 8 we got the anxiety dx and started meds. Things got a lot better, but still plenty of bad days. At 9 we got the ADHD diagnosis and meds and a better therapist and I adore my now 10 year old. She's not perfect. Some situations go away. But all the supports in place are working and I no longer think we are doomed, like I did at age 7.

I pushed hard to get those answers and the supports. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old with adhd and anxiety is similar. Much better now that we understand the diagnosis and have medication. Focus on getting an eval so you know what he and you need next.

Curious whether you medicated the anxiety or ADHD or both?

Both. We started with just adhd meds and then added in anxiety when it was obvious that that wasnt only a secondary problem. Sometimes when adhd is treated anxiety diminishes because the kids are mostlu anxious about not being able to perform due to adhd. That wasnt the case with my son, the anxiety was real without adhd as the cause, so we medicate for both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old with adhd and anxiety is similar. Much better now that we understand the diagnosis and have medication. Focus on getting an eval so you know what he and you need next.

Curious whether you medicated the anxiety or ADHD or both?

NP here but both for us

[Anonymous]

NP but following. Any recommendations for a 1:1 coach or how to find one?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this:

1. Find in-person therapy that is parent training. You need to be able to bring the kids and interact in front of the therapist
2. If he’s ever had a big fall, go to Brian Tuckey in Frederick, Maryland. It is $300, cash only. Mr. Tuckey is a counterstrain physical therapist currently researching the brain. You’ll need to wait about 4 months for an appointment. Brian found and resolved swelling, nerve tension, and reduced blood flow in my child’s brain. Brian had so many clients that he usually only sees a patient once. You’ll probably only get extra appointments if DC had problems that align with his current research.
3. We’re looking into biofeedback for our explosive DC, because while we’ve seen big imprudent with counterstrain, we still have a long way to go. It is also hideously expensive.
4. An evaluation is an excellent idea.