I Need Help. Explosive 7 Year Old DS.

[Anonymous]

You need to get him seen by a child psychiatrist as soon as possible and try meds if prescribed, so your family can get some relief while you work on underlying issues. I’m sorry you are going through this. There are treatments that will help.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is/was similar and has ASD, anxiety, and ADHD. She takes medication for the anxiety and it has almost completely ended the aggression and meltdowns. I also implement The Explosive Child. I know you said you’ve read it, but you’re not implementing it if you’re taking things away. I can GUARANTEE you your home life will turn around 180 degrees if you start Plan Cing most things at home. Your child is in a real crisis. He’s talking about hurting himself. You need to take this very seriously. You can discipline your way out of this.

Also, the neuropsych we did was incredibly helpful. It didn’t change treatment for us but really helped me understand what was going on. My daughter also did several years of OT, which was great for her.

For the people suggesting PCIT, 7 is the max age for PCIT. It’s not my preference regardless, but FYI to OP that you’re about to age out of that being an option.

[Anonymous]

Also, we have tried lots of mental health therapy, and it’s never helped my daughter. Maybe when she’s older?

[Anonymous]

Is this behavior new or the temperament he has always shown?

Does he snore? Is he a mouth breather? Does he wake up tired and unrefreshed? Does he grind his teeth? Sleep apnea in kids often presents as mood, attention, or behavior problems. There are estimates that up to 25% of kids diagnosed with ADHD actually have obstructive sleep apnea.

[Anonymous]

DBT really isn't done at this age.
You need PCIT or other type of parent focused therapy.

[Anonymous]

Try Martial Arts.

We did Tae Kwon Do, but any good martial arts school will have him following instructions along with a group of peers. That self-control transfers over into many other things. And the rewards (mastery, belt levels, etc.) from regular practice slowly build self-esteem as a product of self discipline.

At the very least, a good way to have a 3rd party evaluate how difficult they find it to interact with your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is/was similar and has ASD, anxiety, and ADHD. She takes medication for the anxiety and it has almost completely ended the aggression and meltdowns. I also implement The Explosive Child. I know you said you’ve read it, but you’re not implementing it if you’re taking things away. I can GUARANTEE you your home life will turn around 180 degrees if you start Plan Cing most things at home. Your child is in a real crisis. He’s talking about hurting himself. You need to take this very seriously. You can discipline your way out of this.

Also, the neuropsych we did was incredibly helpful. It didn’t change treatment for us but really helped me understand what was going on. My daughter also did several years of OT, which was great for her.

For the people suggesting PCIT, 7 is the max age for PCIT. It’s not my preference regardless, but FYI to OP that you’re about to age out of that being an option.

7 is not the max age for PCIT - it’s used for older kids now. You mainly have to modify the discipline so you’re imposing consequences like taking away screen time instead of doing time outs.

[Anonymous]

This child is 7 and if it's all behavioral at home this is a parenting issue... I don't mean to sound harsh but the rules and structure of school make him a success there. Time for more structure with clear expectations. I cannot recommend switching to a new therapist that specializes in parenting challenging children to work with you and your husband. I also suggest Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting classes. He's outstanding. I do not think it's time to run to the psychiatrist over what you've described.

[Anonymous]

explosive child is the worst. it will not help you.
watch dr becky
read raising lions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This child is 7 and if it's all behavioral at home this is a parenting issue... I don't mean to sound harsh but the rules and structure of school make him a success there. Time for more structure with clear expectations. I cannot recommend switching to a new therapist that specializes in parenting challenging children to work with you and your husband. I also suggest Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting classes. He's outstanding. I do not think it's time to run to the psychiatrist over what you've described.

Sorry, this is just not true. Some kids hold it together all day long at school and fall apart once they are home. It doesn't necessarily mean there is a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

We’ve struggled with this. DD is 9 now and has matured. Behaves very well outside the home but can be easily triggered when things are not fair. Throwing shoes and other items happens. So does attacking mom. This happens significantly less now than it did at age 7. A neuropsych revealed no diagnosis. Talk therapy and occupational therapy were dead ends. Maturity has really helped as well as the sibling with whom he often spars being less available with her busier schedule. I still think there’s a diagnosis there, but the kid really thrives outside the home. Currently we have an anger management book we’re working through very slowly. We’ve had some really rough times over the years and we as parents have ignored more stuff than it seems like we should so the situation doesn’t escalate. The kid is super sensitive and feels quite remorseful after an anger bout. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

PP here. We also did Dan Shapiro class. Also remove screen time privileges with issues. Screen time is also a source of major conflicr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This child is 7 and if it's all behavioral at home this is a parenting issue... I don't mean to sound harsh but the rules and structure of school make him a success there. Time for more structure with clear expectations. I cannot recommend switching to a new therapist that specializes in parenting challenging children to work with you and your husband. I also suggest Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting classes. He's outstanding. I do not think it's time to run to the psychiatrist over what you've described.

Sorry, this is just not true. Some kids hold it together all day long at school and fall apart once they are home. It doesn't necessarily mean there is a parenting issue.

+1

And notice how when kids struggle with behavior at school, it’s still the parents fault?

[Anonymous]

Gah. I feel so bad for you and your son. He needs connection and tons of positive feedback, maybe medication to help take the edge off too. Speaking from experience that sounds v similar to your situation. Sending a little kid to therapy is (sadly) not the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:explosive child is the worst. it will not help you.
watch dr becky
read raising lions

The Ross Green book can actually help in some situations. You learn that there are 3 ways to respond. (1) If it is a safety issue, then you have to respond quickly. (2) If there is an issue that can be compromised, then offer two choices, or two times to do a chore. They will almost always pick the later time but then you can remind them of your agreement.
(3) There are some things that just aren’t worth responding to at all. This could be something like not eating something they don’t like.

This won’t work with all kids. It did work for our son when he was younger. The two choices are something that some teachers will do but others will find annoying. Some teachers joked that our son could be a salesman or a lawyer because he developed such good negotiating skills.

It decreased his outbursts until he was old enough to talk through issues.