If you have ADHD, how did it affect your choice of spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

Unmanaged ADHD on a tapped out adult is THE worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

It really depends. It can cause a lot of problems like job loss, late fees, inability to multitask, weak /inconsistent parenting.

My DH has a great career and job loss isn't a concern. Late fees, while frustrating are not a big thing at all. Nothing worth getting upset about. If you are correlating that small amount of money, to the quality of your marriage you have bigger issues than ADHD. If someone is getting done what needs to be done, is multitasking that important?

Speaking of getting things done that need to be done…. What does he do for the household and family besides work/paycheck?

[Anonymous]

Just over 4% of adults have some degree of ADHD, with 50% of DCum husbands apparently having it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a newly diagnosed woman at 47yo. I suspected it for many years -- probably 15 years.

Looking back to when I was choosing a spouse, I was way too forgiving of my boyfriend's executive disfunction and other issues because I could relate. HOWEVER I had developed coping mechanisms many years ago while my would-be husband hadn't.

So while my bills are on automatic bill pay and I have a million reminders and alarms set on my phone and computer, he just .... doesn't have any of it. He forgets his own medical appointments, loses and forgets stuff all the time, etc. So many of his issues became more apparent once the stress of parenting and middle age started.

It's like I married someone with ADHD because I had ADHD and thus was sympathetic, not wanting to judge. But he's not self aware enough to have ever dealt with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a newly diagnosed woman at 47yo. I suspected it for many years -- probably 15 years.

Looking back to when I was choosing a spouse, I was way too forgiving of my boyfriend's executive disfunction and other issues because I could relate. HOWEVER I had developed coping mechanisms many years ago while my would-be husband hadn't.

So while my bills are on automatic bill pay and I have a million reminders and alarms set on my phone and computer, he just .... doesn't have any of it. He forgets his own medical appointments, loses and forgets stuff all the time, etc. So many of his issues became more apparent once the stress of parenting and middle age started.

It's like I married someone with ADHD because I had ADHD and thus was sympathetic, not wanting to judge. But he's not self aware enough to have ever dealt with it.

Good luck with that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

It really depends. It can cause a lot of problems like job loss, late fees, inability to multitask, weak /inconsistent parenting.

My DH has a great career and job loss isn't a concern. Late fees, while frustrating are not a big thing at all. Nothing worth getting upset about. If you are correlating that small amount of money, to the quality of your marriage you have bigger issues than ADHD. If someone is getting done what needs to be done, is multitasking that important?

Speaking of getting things done that need to be done…. What does he do for the household and family besides work/paycheck?

He does all of the school drop off and pick up. He does all of the dishes, does rbr floors once a week, cleans the bathrooms every Sunday morning, 80% of the grocery shopping. Takes care of dry cleaning. Fixes things around the house

[Anonymous]

Severe ADHD here, I married a PhD project manager. 25 years married with two kids

[Anonymous]

We have a friends couple who both have severe ADHD. It’s a hot mess. House falling apart, yard falling apart, husband can’t hold a job even though educated, cars in disrepair, husband watches tv all day instead of getting things done, finances are a mess etc, etc. Don’t marry someone too similar to yourself I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just over 4% of adults have some degree of ADHD, with 50% of DCum husbands apparently having it.

And they are all on the spectrum as well, if DCUM commenters are to be believed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just over 4% of adults have some degree of ADHD, with 50% of DCum husbands apparently having it.

And they are all on the spectrum as well, if DCUM commenters are to be believed.

Way over 4% of adults have adhd inattentive, hyperactive or combined.

Most asd don’t get married unless they can mask for a few stints a week. Their divorce rates, if even diagnosed, are significant.

[Anonymous]

I don’t remember

[Anonymous]

As a person with ADHD, I wanted a very organized wife. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell the difference between organization skills and OCD. She got good grades in school and SEEMED organized. But ..

[Anonymous]

The years of low self-esteem and social awkwardness caused by ADHD led me to choose poorly. I'm single now and still socially awkward, but I value myself much more and will make a better choice if there's a next time.

[Anonymous]

I do not have adhd. no matter what anyone says. So no, it does affect me or my choice of spouse. I have no such problems.

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD and so does my DH and find some of these comments so discriminating and shows a lack of neurodivergent awareness. Am I unorganized? Yes. So much that it’s a red flag for someone to discredit all my other values and not have me as a life partner? Obviously no. Do I talk a lot and interrupt people? Yeah, but again, not a reason for someone not to dedicate themselves to a life partner if you love them and want to do so.

I struggled in school like a lot of people with ADHD, and then figured out what works for me as an adult. Husband too.

ADHD is a spectrum and not some characature. Both my husband and I are successful in our careers and generally very happy people.

If you like the person, just treat them like a person. Everybody has something.