If you have ADHD, how did it affect your choice of spouse?

[Anonymous]

Curious.

Incidentally, every man I have met and seriously dated through OLD has it.

[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed late, and I’m divorced.

Now? I can date alllllllll the fun clowns I avoided like the plague when I had to raise kids and manage having a lazy dysfunctional loser-man in the house.

No more, clowns all around, nothing but fun. My people.

[Anonymous]

She loves the chaos and the adventure

[Anonymous]

PP - it’s actually the opposite. I am in far better control of things when I KNOW who I’m dealing with. You put measures in place.

No one pays my bills but me!

[Anonymous]

Provides for parity in placement on the crazy scale.

[Anonymous]

You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

[Anonymous]

I am single. Not because of ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

It really depends. It can cause a lot of problems like job loss, late fees, inability to multitask, weak /inconsistent parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

I agree, to an extent. But it can be hard. I try to always remember that my spouse is a wonderful man in most ways. He is not disorganized, has never had trouble holding down a job (he is military, which probably helps as it provides him with a lot of structure), responsible in the vast majority of ways, etc. However, he can be chaotic. Lots of chatter, lots of noise, lots of hyperactivity, takes criticism poorly/as an affront to his entire being, sometimes argumentative. Just a constant need for stimulation.

It sometimes triggers anxiety in me, but he is a great and stable partner otherwise. I just needed to learn over the years how to deal.

[Anonymous]

We both have ADHD, but because I am the wife, I have to pretend I don't. I am exhausted and drowning. I want DH to take care of me, but it's not in him.

[Anonymous]

Ended up with abuser because he was organized and effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was diagnosed late, and I’m divorced.

Now? I can date alllllllll the fun clowns I avoided like the plague when I had to raise kids and manage having a lazy dysfunctional loser-man in the house.

No more, clowns all around, nothing but fun. My people.

lol.

Yeah the “free spirits” with no real job progression or job or savings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You find someone that is accepting. If ADHD is worst thing about a person, you are doing great.

It really depends. It can cause a lot of problems like job loss, late fees, inability to multitask, weak /inconsistent parenting.

My DH has a great career and job loss isn't a concern. Late fees, while frustrating are not a big thing at all. Nothing worth getting upset about. If you are correlating that small amount of money, to the quality of your marriage you have bigger issues than ADHD. If someone is getting done what needs to be done, is multitasking that important?

[Anonymous]

I purposefully chose someone who is very, very together and easily and happily handles the stuff that needs high level executive functioning skills. It has really helped me with ... well, life. Immensely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious.

Incidentally, every man I have met and seriously dated through OLD has it.

Most adults over age 45 don’t know they adhd, they had to construct their own good and bad coping methods and work arounds, or just kept dumping on the parents, siblings, roommates, SOs to bail them out.

Sure we could say we looked for some organized Type A spouse who was oh so caring with all our chronic shortcomings that never stop.

So yeah, marry a saint.