Supporting parents/in-laws financially in old age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL earmarked $250k for “long term care” about 5 years ago, age 70.

He asked if we wanted or needed anything before he locked this cash away in some sort of bank account. We declined.

Now MIL got a dementia diagnosis and there’s no plan in place, other than the saved money. They are still in their large 4 BR, multi-level home, packed quite literally to the rafters, 4 cars and a little-used vacation condo 300 miles away.

I’m not swooping in to help someone who refuses to help himself and fails to plan.

How does your spouse, the child of these folks, feel about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL earmarked $250k for “long term care” about 5 years ago, age 70.

He asked if we wanted or needed anything before he locked this cash away in some sort of bank account. We declined.

Now MIL got a dementia diagnosis and there’s no plan in place, other than the saved money. They are still in their large 4 BR, multi-level home, packed quite literally to the rafters, 4 cars and a little-used vacation condo 300 miles away.

I’m not swooping in to help someone who refuses to help himself and fails to plan.

How does your spouse, the child of these folks, feel about this?

He doesn’t want to hear my concerns or ideas even though I’ve dealt with moving/visiting/aging/health/estate issues with two grandparents and my own parents. This is a common phenomenon with the adult child dismissive of a spouse’s expertise or experience. Also tons of denial and delusion all around.

FIL has always been a poor planner and a die-hard DIY’er to a fault. Intensely private and cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL earmarked $250k for “long term care” about 5 years ago, age 70.

He asked if we wanted or needed anything before he locked this cash away in some sort of bank account. We declined.

Now MIL got a dementia diagnosis and there’s no plan in place, other than the saved money. They are still in their large 4 BR, multi-level home, packed quite literally to the rafters, 4 cars and a little-used vacation condo 300 miles away.

I’m not swooping in to help someone who refuses to help himself and fails to plan.

How does your spouse, the child of these folks, feel about this?

He doesn’t want to hear my concerns or ideas even though I’ve dealt with moving/visiting/aging/health/estate issues with two grandparents and my own parents. This is a common phenomenon with the adult child dismissive of a spouse’s expertise or experience. Also tons of denial and delusion all around.

FIL has always been a poor planner and a die-hard DIY’er to a fault. Intensely private and cheap.

I should clarify that I have my own inheritance that I will not be spending on my ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL earmarked $250k for “long term care” about 5 years ago, age 70.

He asked if we wanted or needed anything before he locked this cash away in some sort of bank account. We declined.

Now MIL got a dementia diagnosis and there’s no plan in place, other than the saved money. They are still in their large 4 BR, multi-level home, packed quite literally to the rafters, 4 cars and a little-used vacation condo 300 miles away.

I’m not swooping in to help someone who refuses to help himself and fails to plan.

What sounds bad here? They have money, and assets to liquidate. Not sure why you'd have to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL earmarked $250k for “long term care” about 5 years ago, age 70.

He asked if we wanted or needed anything before he locked this cash away in some sort of bank account. We declined.

Now MIL got a dementia diagnosis and there’s no plan in place, other than the saved money. They are still in their large 4 BR, multi-level home, packed quite literally to the rafters, 4 cars and a little-used vacation condo 300 miles away.

I’m not swooping in to help someone who refuses to help himself and fails to plan.

What sounds bad here? They have money, and assets to liquidate. Not sure why you'd have to help.

My concern is there will be no movement to sell assets to liquidate. I think DH will have to bat clean up.

[Anonymous]

We have 4 sets of divorced parents. And an elderly never married aunt. 1 parent we are no contact and he has a spouse. Her problem. Two more, we will have to prob have some logistics to help with but also will likely not be a huge issue.

The other parent and aunt we just had discussions with about end of life . . . what's their plan. Their plan had been to age in place and leave all the things to us (they were both antique ppl who have little bits of junk everwhere). We made it clear we did not want that stuff and if they wanted to sell it, they should do so now b/c we'd just box it up for goodwill. (They live 8'ish hours away, ftr). Also none of them have wills, wishes re: death recorded, nothing. UGH. So we'll be doing that. And at least one of them we'll be financially supporting at some point as they they have little money - which is infuriating as they worked their entire adult lives and lived in a low COLA area. They just saved nothing. It is what it is.