I’m terribly sad and just want to vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing his memory now past 90? Honestly you should both consider yourselves lucky. My 73 yo father is starting to lose it.

Your experience has nothing to do with OP's. Rude.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and thoughts with me. It brought tears to my eyes. I know so many have experienced this before me. The sadness is something you just can’t imagine…until you’re in it.

[Anonymous]

I would stay focused on the happy memories around him, and also on the higher power if he believes in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP This part of the journey is hard.

A suggestion -- record your father telling you about what it was like growing up. Create an archive of these recordings so you have his voice nearby for you. Such precious times.

Also consider that these recordings could be of value to your kids or other relatives. Also, some day you're going to want to hear his voice again or ask him a question. AI will be able to provide this if you have sufficient source material.

[Anonymous]

92 is really quite old. You should be enjoying these last bits of time together. Plenty of time to be sad after he passes.

[Anonymous]

Don't fight against the reality, but accept it. Remind yourself that this is your father's journey. There were times in your life when he wished he could help you, but you had to figure things out on your own, as well. For comfort, evoke the memories of the good times and all that your father accomplished (not material things, but loving unconditionally).

[Anonymous]

Keep telling him all the things you love about him. That would be a comfort to me if I were in his situation. It is a great thing to be loved in life.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I am facing similar and it is heartbreaking.

This article from yesterday had some ideas about how to help someone with memory loss. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/30/magazine/dementia-alzheimers-reminiscence-therapy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.5U0.j2IM.y3tas4998SPp&smid=url-share

Please try to find a caregiver support group, even an online one. It will help to have people who get what you’re going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't fight against the reality, but accept it. Remind yourself that this is your father's journey. There were times in your life when he wished he could help you, but you had to figure things out on your own, as well. For comfort, evoke the memories of the good times and all that your father accomplished (not material things, but loving unconditionally).

Different poster whose dad hit this point at 74. I know this is hard OP, but 92 is a wonderfully long life. Cherish that.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
When my mom started to lose cognitive function, it was quite upsetting to her at first, and produced lots of generalized anxiety. She knew something was wrong but couldn't really pinpoint or control it.

Now she is mid stage alzheimers and although she is aware at some level of her deficits, she seems far less bothered by them (mostly unaware of them too), so these things can go in stages (it is of course more upsetting for *me* now, especially to see her struggle for words, since she is someone whose verbal skills were unparalleled and I feel like I am losing her bit by bit).

A few things that can help: if he is losing short term memory, write things down and make sure he has a calendar or notebook for appointments. Get a large clock that has the day of the week on it. Consider how medications are handled--you can get them with alarms and locks. Speak with his physician about Namenda or similar medication that can help slow memory loss. One thing I have learned not to do is say things like "you just asked that, dont you remember?" or "I told you that yesterday." They do not remember and telling them that they should only increases anxiety. Instead, just go with the flow. If he has longer term memory (which is likely) ask him questions, record him talking. Play music.

My mother in law is 93 and experiencing some memory lapse, but nothing like my mother's alzheimers (mom is 84). If your father has made it to 92 with only just now showing signs of decline it may be that you and he will never experience late stage dementia, which I think is a blessing, although it certainly may not feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't fight against the reality, but accept it. Remind yourself that this is your father's journey. There were times in your life when he wished he could help you, but you had to figure things out on your own, as well. For comfort, evoke the memories of the good times and all that your father accomplished (not material things, but loving unconditionally).

This is OP. Thank you for this. I have thought about this often. For some, this seems to be a life stage like any other and they just have to get through it, I suppose. Great analogy about all the times they fretted over me as I was growing up, and all the times I have fretted over my own children. And on it goes. I really appreciate your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. I am facing similar and it is heartbreaking.

This article from yesterday had some ideas about how to help someone with memory loss. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/30/magazine/dementia-alzheimers-reminiscence-therapy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.5U0.j2IM.y3tas4998SPp&smid=url-share

Please try to find a caregiver support group, even an online one. It will help to have people who get what you’re going through.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,
When my mom started to lose cognitive function, it was quite upsetting to her at first, and produced lots of generalized anxiety. She knew something was wrong but couldn't really pinpoint or control it.

Now she is mid stage alzheimers and although she is aware at some level of her deficits, she seems far less bothered by them (mostly unaware of them too), so these things can go in stages (it is of course more upsetting for *me* now, especially to see her struggle for words, since she is someone whose verbal skills were unparalleled and I feel like I am losing her bit by bit).

A few things that can help: if he is losing short term memory, write things down and make sure he has a calendar or notebook for appointments. Get a large clock that has the day of the week on it. Consider how medications are handled--you can get them with alarms and locks. Speak with his physician about Namenda or similar medication that can help slow memory loss. One thing I have learned not to do is say things like "you just asked that, dont you remember?" or "I told you that yesterday." They do not remember and telling them that they should only increases anxiety. Instead, just go with the flow. If he has longer term memory (which is likely) ask him questions, record him talking. Play music.

My mother in law is 93 and experiencing some memory lapse, but nothing like my mother's alzheimers (mom is 84). If your father has made it to 92 with only just now showing signs of decline it may be that you and he will never experience late stage dementia, which I think is a blessing, although it certainly may not feel that way.

Thank you for this. All really great advice that will definitely help with his anxiety. I have recently learned to stop staying “you just asked me that”. It’s been better for the both of us.

[Anonymous]

Love and hugs, my friend

[Anonymous]

Find out his favorite songs from different periods of his life. A song his parents may have sung to him, favorites when a teen, wedding day etc. Make a playlist for him.