Why am I allowing this to piss me off?

[Anonymous]

She's probably projecting her own feelings of loneliness and isolation. Does she need a friend?

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she’d be happy as a frequent poster on dcum. You should recommend to her!

[Anonymous]

Either she struck a nerve or she's a toxic person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s more like a reflection on her life than yours, but the fact you’re having such a strong reaction suggests you might want to look inward and figure out what’s at the root of it. Do you have any thoughts?

I guess I never considered people were looking down on our lifestyle and judging us.

I don't think she was looking down at you. I think she was trying to empathize with a young woman in the thick of child rearing and work, and she thought this was the best way. I really think you're reading too much into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s more like a reflection on her life than yours, but the fact you’re having such a strong reaction suggests you might want to look inward and figure out what’s at the root of it. Do you have any thoughts?

I guess I never considered people were looking down on our lifestyle and judging us.

This is why it's bothering you. You feel judged and criticized, whether it was her intention or not. How did you respond? Are you also upset that you did not respond in a way that you would have liked?

[Anonymous]

I have worked in healthcare for 20 years and worked all sorts of shifts (day, night, weekend, long, short, etc.). I currently work full-time, but it’s longer shifts (24 and 16) two days per week. DH works from home with a flexible schedule so it works out well for us. He can drop off/pick up DC from school/camp when needed, and I have the flexibility to be off for field trips, school events, etc. For the past 20 years, my Boomer mother has commented about my “awful” work schedule and why I don’t get better shifts with my seniority. She doesn’t understand that I choose to work these shifts because it works best for our family right now. Some people will just not get it, and it’s hard for people outside of these industries to understand. But plenty of people work these types of schedules! Try not to let it get to you.

[Anonymous]

I think what's pissing you off is that you didn't say anything to stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Because it’s annoying when people presume they know what is best for you. You have found something that works for your family, & she’s telling you it doesn’t.

So annoying & weird when people tell you how you are supposed to feel.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe there’s some truth to what she’s saying.

[Anonymous]

If she tries to talk to you again, just say, “Oh I’m just too sad what with the horrible life you were sympathizing with me about, gonna go cry. Have a nice day.”

[Anonymous]

People in this country have been told they should be irate if something isn’t perfect or perfectly equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t stop thinking about this and letting it piss me off. My neighbor, a woman in her 60s, and I were having one of those fence line chats. She started asking me about DHs and my jobs. I WFH and DH works an overnight shift at a hospital, 6p-6a, so he sleeps all day while I work/kids are in school (except in summer, obviously) as sees us for a couple hours once he wakes before he heads to work. But he gets a lot of days off because of his schedule. My neighbor went on and on about how “isolating” and “lonely” it must me for me to have no adult interaction at home or work, how “unfair” I am stuck with the lion’s share of parenting, how “hard” our lives must be.

“Aren’t you so incredibly lonely and isolated, and isn’t it so unfair?”

I can’t stop thinking about it. None of it is true, of course—I enjoy the couple evenings a week with the house to myself. I enjoy WFH. We have teens so parenting isn’t what it used to be. I feel fulfilled.

So why are her words pissing me off so badly?

I am similar to you OP in that I irrationally let what others say affect me greatly. 🤨

I wish it wouldn’t but it just does at times.

For your own sanity ->> I would disengage personal communication w/this ignorant + clueless neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are annoyed at yourself because you did not explain/defend yourself well?

She was getting things wrong and I would have said that and nipped it in the bud.

Did you happen to mention a mild complaint about dh/kids/schedules and she ran with it so you are feeling like there was a bit of truth?

Maybe just share less next time. You can mention something to someone ONE time and if they are a dullard they can't let it go/have to bring it up every time you talk which is offputting so just sharing less helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers gotta boom. They’ll leave eventually. I think.

You sound like a mean boomer too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s more like a reflection on her life than yours, but the fact you’re having such a strong reaction suggests you might want to look inward and figure out what’s at the root of it. Do you have any thoughts?

I guess I never considered people were looking down on our lifestyle and judging us.

NP. I was mostly oblivious to the judgment of others in how I live my life until I started reading forums like DCUM. I'm generally live and let live, and the extent of my judgment would be thinking something wouldn't work for me, but if it worked for someone else, great!

Anyway, if you want a relationship with this neighbor, I'd mention in passing that you've been thinking about her comment and appreciate her empathy, because that is what she was trying to express. Then explain why WFH or your husband's schedule is actually a good thing. I wouldn't be angry.