Siblings constantly bickering

[Anonymous]

I think our memories of ourselves at 10 are completely different from reality. My kids fight often. They play often. I think it’s normal, especially for kids who don’t bicker with their friends and peers. And if they were bickering with their friends, we’d be worried about that too.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have totally me, totally serious, that my husband never fought with his sibling growing up, not one time. My husband remembers it differently

I really struggle with this too. I think it’s good to try and let them figure things out and try hard not to take sides when you need to intervene. But I also sometimes just tell them they need to be separated because it’s beyond an acceptable level of arguing and they need a break from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two elementary school-age boys two years apart. The incessant bickering has been driving me and DH up the wall. We try to separate them, send them to different camps, give them chores, tell them to ride their bikes, but they always seem to come back together to play and then of course, resume bickering. They do it in public, too. It’s ridiculous. Any good solutions other than getting another house? 😂 do sisters the same age get into the same constant fighting, too? I don’t remember my sister snd I fighting like this all, the, time.

In other news, water is wet. Ask your parents if you argued. I'm sure you did. What they are doing is actually good for them. They are practicing getting along with others. So I would suggest ear plugs for you. Step in if it gets violent, of course but, allow bickering and tell them that you know they will figure it out. To help you can say if arguing over which video game to play on the switch. If you can't agree than no video games and we will find extra chores to do.

Then they will figure it out. I promise!

Don't rationalize your parenting negligence. Siblings help with practicing getting along with others, but constant fighting is not getting along, it's NOT getting along. Not all humans get along with all other humans, whether born to the same parents or not. If you've applied Siblings without Rivalry and tried to teach them better interpersonal techniques, and it's still not working, then separate them. But don't ignore it and let them disrupt everyone's lives.

You obviously didn't read very closely. I don't ignore but, I do allow some leeway. If they can't agree than I find a solution. I find that my dh who was the youngest doesn't know how to discuss an issue because everyone "had to be happy" and they never got to discuss ( nicely) their viewpoint/needs and then the other person's needs/viewpoint. Everyone had to be quiet just to keep the peace but, then things never got resolved and there is an inablitity to repair as well. So issues that could have been resolved just fester.

[Anonymous]

Same 10 and 13. I want to cry every day. It's so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

I have 12 year old twins and we have this constantly, as well. In some cases, it is harder, because they are the same age and they expect things to be equal (there are no rules that are different because of age differences). And then, I have heard them bickering about the stupidest things, and even things that are only one way, but they remember it differently.

I tell my kids that I'm tired of hearing them bicker and they need to take it out of my hearing or they won't get the next thing that they want. I don't referee, and I tell them that they are more than welcome to fight and argue, just do it where I don't have to listen to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time heals all.

Our two also fought like crazy. Around 9/11 or 10/12, they became buddies. Now, 24 and 22, they are the best of friends. For real. They call each other just to talk, to ask for advice, etc. (They live far away from each other)

Not always. This was me and my sister. She treated me with contempt. We have almost no relationship now despite no obvious rift.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps people who don't get along with their siblings have a leg up in life because they have to learn very early how to deal with interpersonal conflict. Maybe it's not such a bad thing to have kids who aren't best friends.