Talk to me about a time you were miserable in a job and tell me what you did.

[Anonymous]

I internally transferred to another division twice, collecting skills that would enable me to leave the organization. Once I had the skills I needed, I left.

[Anonymous]

I felt similarly in my first job. I didn't have the experience to understand how to manage around having a horrible boss and/or that I should have gotten out sooner. I was miserable every day and came home defeated.

I developed another marketable skill during work on a small project (at work) and also took a class to get up to speed. With that additional skill, I applied to jobs in another field that were higher paying.

[Anonymous]

For years I had great jobs in operating divisions of a big consumer products company and, for career development reasons, was transferred to a HQ corporate staff job. It was deadly boring and after 5pm the place emptied out. After a year or so I told my boss I needed to back to an operating job or I was going to leave. I was soon transferred back but I knew staying long term wasn’t for me so I eventually left for a job that was perfect for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pretended I was on a reality show and I needed to set myself up to look good when the reunion show with Andy Cohen rolled around and he asked questions. It really helped.

Omg. I love this.

Me too - it made work more fun for me while working for a crazy person. I even imagined where in the office the cameras would be, and when I should break the fourth wall. He once lost a check work a large six figures a client had given him. He swore it was in the client's file he'd given me and demanded I tear apart the file page by page looking for the check. Nope. I suggested he check his car. Yelled at me. Kept blaming me for being disorganized and insinuating my job was on the line. I suggested he tell the client to give us a new check. He exploded in anger. "We can't do that - he got the check from the Chinese mob - they'll kill him!" This was the first I'd found out we were doing work for the Chinese mob. The check was in his inside suite jacket pocket. He'd forgotten he put it there for safekeeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pretended I was on a reality show and I needed to set myself up to look good when the reunion show with Andy Cohen rolled around and he asked questions. It really helped.

Omg. I love this.

Me too - it made work more fun for me while working for a crazy person. I even imagined where in the office the cameras would be, and when I should break the fourth wall. He once lost a check work a large six figures a client had given him. He swore it was in the client's file he'd given me and demanded I tear apart the file page by page looking for the check. Nope. I suggested he check his car. Yelled at me. Kept blaming me for being disorganized and insinuating my job was on the line. I suggested he tell the client to give us a new check. He exploded in anger. "We can't do that - he got the check from the Chinese mob - they'll kill him!" This was the first I'd found out we were doing work for the Chinese mob. The check was in his inside suite jacket pocket. He'd forgotten he put it there for safekeeping.

Was this trump?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pretended I was on a reality show and I needed to set myself up to look good when the reunion show with Andy Cohen rolled around and he asked questions. It really helped.

Omg. I love this.

Me too - it made work more fun for me while working for a crazy person. I even imagined where in the office the cameras would be, and when I should break the fourth wall. He once lost a check work a large six figures a client had given him. He swore it was in the client's file he'd given me and demanded I tear apart the file page by page looking for the check. Nope. I suggested he check his car. Yelled at me. Kept blaming me for being disorganized and insinuating my job was on the line. I suggested he tell the client to give us a new check. He exploded in anger. "We can't do that - he got the check from the Chinese mob - they'll kill him!" This was the first I'd found out we were doing work for the Chinese mob. The check was in his inside suite jacket pocket. He'd forgotten he put it there for safekeeping.

Was this trump?

Funny you say that - it wasn't, but I saw a lot of similarities in their personalities. Because of this guy, I wound up doing a TON of research on psychopaths and sociopaths, like a thesis worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pretended I was on a reality show and I needed to set myself up to look good when the reunion show with Andy Cohen rolled around and he asked questions. It really helped.

Love this tip.

[Anonymous]

If you've been unsuccessful looking for 3 years, you're looking in the wrong places, your resume needs help, or you need interviewing help. Find a mentor/friend and ask for their help. Start with the resume (the more eyes on this the better). Tell everyone you know you are looking for work. Networking is how people find jobs these days.

You can't stay at a job that destroying your soul - you have to get out

[Anonymous]

I was working for an assistant director at DOJ. The guy was a nut job. Everyone hated him but he didn’t know or care. Toxic work environment, but no one talked about it. Everyone eventually left. Now we meet up and talk about it and how we survived such a toxic environment. We are all better and happier.

[Anonymous]

Therapy is the answer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel better when I am applying and interviewing. It feels like I am taking action. And, after an interview I often feel better about my current job because the alternative wasn't as attractive as I imagined.

Long-term, if the job is really not a good fit then you have to leave. You can do some thought experiments about your finances, location, spouse job, etc. to see what that would take. I have twice left for pay cuts in order to get into a better situation.

But I have to say ... it jumped out at me that your OP was all about what other people aren't doing for you: they aren't your champions, they aren't advocating. And they are overlooking you, they are humiliating you. That's very other-focused. You may benefit from some self-work and therapy to help your feelings of agency and to manage your expectations around work. For example, it is nice to have a champion at work, but pretty rare: most of us do without. Maybe something to think about.

Op - I guess I’ve just in my last 3 jobs before this had bosses I can talk to about issues and who will help me work through things and believe in me. The first job I had for ten years I did not have that and it held me back. I feel like at this job no matter how hard I swim upstream - nothing can solve for the lack of an advocate or a ‘good boss’. I’m not sure if those expectations are unrealistic! But they’re def based on experience

If you’ve had good bosses before can you go to them for advice and mentoring?

I have a job right now where I feel trapped but my former boss is my mentor and I talk to him sometimes when things get bad.

[Anonymous]

I was in a situation like this at a federal government agency. After several years of looking for a better position, I retired in my early 50s. I wasn’t totally ready for that, but I couldn’t take work anymore.

[Anonymous]

Been there a couple times. Switched companies 3-4 times. I’m on my 4 company in 12 years, but have found my fit, am valued, and will hopefully work here until retirement. You gotta go. Look harder. Use recruiters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel better when I am applying and interviewing. It feels like I am taking action. And, after an interview I often feel better about my current job because the alternative wasn't as attractive as I imagined.

Long-term, if the job is really not a good fit then you have to leave. You can do some thought experiments about your finances, location, spouse job, etc. to see what that would take. I have twice left for pay cuts in order to get into a better situation.

But I have to say ... it jumped out at me that your OP was all about what other people aren't doing for you: they aren't your champions, they aren't advocating. And they are overlooking you, they are humiliating you. That's very other-focused. You may benefit from some self-work and therapy to help your feelings of agency and to manage your expectations around work. For example, it is nice to have a champion at work, but pretty rare: most of us do without. Maybe something to think about.

Op - I guess I’ve just in my last 3 jobs before this had bosses I can talk to about issues and who will help me work through things and believe in me. The first job I had for ten years I did not have that and it held me back. I feel like at this job no matter how hard I swim upstream - nothing can solve for the lack of an advocate or a ‘good boss’. I’m not sure if those expectations are unrealistic! But they’re def based on experience

Look, it sounds like this is making you crazy - and what the rest of us did in this situation is we tried to find something comparable, and when that didn't work we pivoted to something else. It might pay less, it might make you learn a new field, you might give up the things you value about this current job/field. But if it's this bad, you have to find something else.

How much are you making now and why is it so much more than other comparable jobs?

+1 empathize with how a bad job infects everything else including your feels of self-worth

But also agree with some PPs that your expectations are unrealistic.

If this is a job that pays $$$ sometimes you just have to suck it up there or take a paycut. Like the law firm PPs, I took a huge pay cut for jobs that made me much happier. There are tradeoffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel better when I am applying and interviewing. It feels like I am taking action. And, after an interview I often feel better about my current job because the alternative wasn't as attractive as I imagined.

Long-term, if the job is really not a good fit then you have to leave. You can do some thought experiments about your finances, location, spouse job, etc. to see what that would take. I have twice left for pay cuts in order to get into a better situation.

But I have to say ... it jumped out at me that your OP was all about what other people aren't doing for you: they aren't your champions, they aren't advocating. And they are overlooking you, they are humiliating you. That's very other-focused. You may benefit from some self-work and therapy to help your feelings of agency and to manage your expectations around work. For example, it is nice to have a champion at work, but pretty rare: most of us do without. Maybe something to think about.

Op - I guess I’ve just in my last 3 jobs before this had bosses I can talk to about issues and who will help me work through things and believe in me. The first job I had for ten years I did not have that and it held me back. I feel like at this job no matter how hard I swim upstream - nothing can solve for the lack of an advocate or a ‘good boss’. I’m not sure if those expectations are unrealistic! But they’re def based on experience

Look, it sounds like this is making you crazy - and what the rest of us did in this situation is we tried to find something comparable, and when that didn't work we pivoted to something else. It might pay less, it might make you learn a new field, you might give up the things you value about this current job/field. But if it's this bad, you have to find something else.

How much are you making now and why is it so much more than other comparable jobs?

+1 empathize with how a bad job infects everything else including your feels of self-worth

But also agree with some PPs that your expectations are unrealistic.

If this is a job that pays $$$ sometimes you just have to suck it up there or take a paycut. Like the law firm PPs, I took a huge pay cut for jobs that made me much happier. There are tradeoffs.

Op - this is true.
The issue is that for me to take a cut means uprooting our whole family to move to a public school zone - basically out of the city. But we have started looking.

I feel guilty though - like I can’t hack it like a grown up at this role and suck it up and need to make my whole family move as a result.

I know I can get a job with a pay cut. It’s just staying at my same level is the issue