AITA? Work birthday edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the guidance change is a few team members still wear masks and typically avoid eating or drinking at in person meetings/events?

^^^
That’s part of what I’m grappling with: several still mask and have made clear they will not eat/drink in group settings. Since that’s the case with 30% of the team, I’ve basically opted to not bother.

My guidance doesn't change, because this always should be unofficially set up by work friends or people who want to join the birthday club, and never a formal thing.

So yeah, don't bother if it's not going to be welcome, obviously. Those who want it can plan accordingly.

I have never brought in cupcakes or donuts for my birthday, not even in kindergarten (summer birthday). I sure as hell don't plan to start at age 50. Just tell me happy birthday if you happen to know the date.

I don't understand the PP who talked about bringing in snacks. What if the birthday person isn't interested?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t bother. I give all my directs a gift card at the end of the year but don’t do anything for birthdays. I don’t think there’s any expectation to celebrate either.

[Anonymous]

I worked in an office as only one of two female employees. The vast remainder were men. The other female employee celebrated birthdays, got cake for each employee, fanfare, etc. Once she took leave and a few employees had birthdays and looked…at me. “What kind of cake are we having?” I don’t know, ask Bob if he can pick one up. “Is there going to be lunch?” Gee Frank, maybe you can pick some up when you figure it out.

Moral of the story: if you are a woman in an office, never ever “celebrate” anything of your own volition unless you want to be in charge of it forever.

[Anonymous]

I typically just say it in our staff meeting if the employee acknowledges it. Some are very private and don't ever say when their birthdays are.

[Anonymous]

My expectation is equal treatment. Offer to bring in cake or host a happy hour for everyone who wants to celebrate their birthday or don’t acknowledge birthdays with any type of gift. There’s a clique in my office that hosts birthday breakfasts or happy hours for friends and makes those into office-wide parties. People resent being asked to contribute when their own birthdays are ignored.

[Anonymous]

Oh goodness, please don't do those things, OP. You were doing perfectly well with the verbal felicitations.

[Anonymous]

I’m an adult. I don’t need my boss doing a big thing for my birthday. That would seem super weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Stick with what you are doing. Anything more creates expectations and with 13 direct reports that is too many. They are adults, not 6-year olds and hopefully don’t need their birthday celebrated or even acknowledged, frankly.