AITA? Work birthday edition

[Anonymous]

I can’t tell what is required when it comes to celebrating birthdays for work colleagues.

For some context:

I’m a Gen X woman in a white collar profession in a big DC office where people physically come in once or twice a week. I don’t have access to know when anyones birthday is, so I suppose I would need to ask. I supervise a team of men and women. I don’t broadcast when my birthday is, and I don’t expect anyone to acknowledge my birthday at work. If I hear that someone is celebrating a birthday, I wish them a happy birthday. This typically comes up like this: “I’m taking off on Friday to celebrate my birthday in Nashville” (or whatever). And that’s my prompt to say, “That sounds like fun! I hope you have a happy birthday!”

But some staff seem to schedule special lunch dates at restaurants or bring in a cake.

Am I supposed to do this for my dozen+ direct reports?

FTR, we don’t even hold regular staff meetings as a team in person and people are on different sub-teams, so there’s no easy way to assemble.

What’s the expectation?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had anyone at work bring me a cake for my birthday and would be very uncomfortable if they did. Carry on doing nothing but situational “happy birthday” please!

[Anonymous]

I would not expect that (and would hate it) nor has a supervisor ever done that for me. Let the birthday kitsch people plan that for those who want it.

[Anonymous]

No. I have worked places that did cake or lunch (usually because one person wanted it) and it gets uncomfortable or creates opportunities for resentment. What you already do is exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Why not just ask your team? Say you've noticed that other teams seem to do this and wanted to take the team's pulse. Majority wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just ask your team? Say you've noticed that other teams seem to do this and wanted to take the team's pulse. Majority wins.

That will create drama.

[Anonymous]

We have a shared contact list that includes a column for birthdays. People can share if they choose (everyone in my team does.) I have people’s birthdays on my calendar and I send an email saying happy birthday and acknowledge upcoming birthdays at our weekly staff meeting. People seem to like it, but it’s not a big thing. We don’t do cake or anything because some of our team is remote so that doesn’t seem fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a shared contact list that includes a column for birthdays. People can share if they choose (everyone in my team does.) I have people’s birthdays on my calendar and I send an email saying happy birthday and acknowledge upcoming birthdays at our weekly staff meeting. People seem to like it, but it’s not a big thing. We don’t do cake or anything because some of our team is remote so that doesn’t seem fair.

That is good. Anything more is overkill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a shared contact list that includes a column for birthdays. People can share if they choose (everyone in my team does.) I have people’s birthdays on my calendar and I send an email saying happy birthday and acknowledge upcoming birthdays at our weekly staff meeting. People seem to like it, but it’s not a big thing. We don’t do cake or anything because some of our team is remote so that doesn’t seem fair.

I like this. A small acknowledgement can be nice. Cake from your manager is overkill. At most someone might want to grab lunch or a drink with specific coworker friends.

[Anonymous]

We have a snack of the birthday person's choosing, on a day that the birthday person is in the office. Several people in the group enjoy baking, so it's pretty easy and low-key.

Some people make an effort to come in (especially the youngsters, who are easily swayed by home-baked treats) and others don't. Whatever. It's basically an excuse to take a little break and eat a snack. In our current office setup, we also offer snack to anyone who happens to wander by.

Definitely no singing or balloons or presents.

[Anonymous]

It’s not unheard of to acknowledge birthdays but cards and cakes are not needed. Sometimes if someone has a known milestone bday like 50, the team does something but it is usually organized informally among the team.

As a supervisor it is up to you how you want to create the team dynamic and there are many ways to do it

[Anonymous]

Does the guidance change is a few team members still wear masks and typically avoid eating or drinking at in person meetings/events?

^^^
That’s part of what I’m grappling with: several still mask and have made clear they will not eat/drink in group settings. Since that’s the case with 30% of the team, I’ve basically opted to not bother.

[Anonymous]

We used to get birthday cards until companies got super cagey about PII.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I do NOT want a cake from my coworkers at work on my birthday. I want to be left alone!

A small acknowledgement is fine, like just saying happy birthday when you figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to get birthday cards until companies got super cagey about PII.

Birthdays and addresses used to be available in certain databases but was recently removed.

I’m not asking people for this info or storing it as it seems to be against office policy. Yet other colleagues seem to still do it.