Daughter no longer wants to hug me

[Anonymous]

I am sure it’s sad, but she does not want to be hugged. Can you hold her hand or lay next to her for a bit to catch up/talk?

Also, do not feel bad about the spider accident. This is crazy talk. I would be really upset if my kid gave that as an excuse of why she does not want to hug. She is manipulating you and you (as an adult) know you did NOTHING wrong and she is the one with the issue the needs to be resolved.

[Anonymous]

Stop reading into it. You have to meet them where they are, and often meet the mood they are in.

Sometimes they want to be left alone for hours.

Other times they want to talk, but not have any advice offered. Other times they want advice.

Sometimes they don't want to talk, but do want to be in the same room with you, while watching a show or just watching videos on their phone

Other times they will want a hug.

Teens are moody. It doesn't mean they don't love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A spider free house is not possible and she can’t grow up avoiding anything that scares her. I recommend the podcast clusterflux. She talks a lot about how avoiding things that make kids anxious makes the anxiety so much worse.

And maybe learn about about spiders. I used to be like her. I still don't prefer them to be near me or to see them in the house but I can tolerate, and even appreciate, them. I joined, recently, a naturalist page on SM, and it's been very helpful to identify, learn about, appreciate, etc. and dispel the fears around spiders. Something like that may help if she's willing.

I will say that my DD and i are VERY close and, in her teens now, she's not into the hugging and stuff that she used to love. I actually felt a bit smothered at one point when she was younger but I'd kill to have it back. Nonetheless, I have backed off that and give what she wants. And she'll seek it out when she wants a hug and affection.

Also sounds like you need to connect 1:1 w/o any nagging, judgment, etc. (not saying you were wrong to scold or that you nag). But doing things like going to a concert, shopping, or some activity that you would both like. Do it fairly regularly to keep the connection.

[Anonymous]

This is a spoiled and manipulative child. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spoiled and manipulative child. Good luck OP.

Drama llama, and you don't even have the excuse of being a teen