Help! Wife thinks I am cheating, but I am not...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read a couple of the 'abusive husband' threads, and it didn't seem there were many posts asking the woman what she was doing wrong. Indeed, sob stories from wives are usually taken 100% at face value.

Totally agree with this. I think people urging him to go deeper into the dysfunction with her are unhelpful at best. I am a jealous woman but have never called my husband more than twice during the workday and never try to find out what he is doing because I do not trust him. Actually, it sounds like there are control issues as well. He should have laid down appropriate boundaries in the beginning of their relationship. Please don't discourage him from doing that now. Does she have to physically abuse him before we respond with the appropriate sympathy and advice? If a woman were to post this we would be telling her to call a domestic violence hotline, not provide a more detailed schedule. OP is a victim.

[Anonymous]

She's a coo-coo nut. Too bad for you that you have a kid in common, because your best bet would be to leave her now before she makes your life (even more) miserable.

Unless you love her, of course. In that case, there's no accounting for the amount of misery that people are willing to endure. Does she work? Doesn't sound like it. Why not tell her it's time she gets off her butt and finds a job?

Sometimes when women get isolated in the SAHM silo, this kind of nonsense ensues. Once she gets out in the workplace and understands some of the constraints and compromises you live with as a working person, it could prove enlightening.

Your DD will be a lot better off with two working parents than with a working dad and a psycho-mom or parents who are no longer married to each other.

[Anonymous]

maybe she has not aways been loyal to you so she thinks that cheating is normal. maybe she thinks everybody cheats

[Anonymous]

Nine years in graduate school?

[Anonymous]

OP,
What does she do? If she had something filling up her head, she wouldn't let her imagination get carried away. Does she work? Volunteer? She needs some interests, some projects. Also, are you much more attractive than she is?

[Anonymous]

Interesting that a SAHM is presumed to be in need of projects to occupy her mind and divert her energy. Perhaps her hobbies are cooking, cleaning, and afternoon child care. I would not care if she were a senior partner in Big Law -- her behavior is that of a person in serious need of mental help.

[Anonymous]

It's not either/or, 9:06. I know people who work from home -- some aren't even parents! -- or who are SAHMs and when they get out of the house more, things improve. Yes to therapy, too. People can get overly sensitive about the SAHM thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that a SAHM is presumed to be in need of projects to occupy her mind and divert her energy. Perhaps her hobbies are cooking, cleaning, and afternoon child care. I would not care if she were a senior partner in Big Law -- her behavior is that of a person in serious need of mental help.

Don't forget her hobbies include calling her husband 10+ times a day, questioning his fidelity constantly, and trying to barge into his workplace.

[Anonymous]

maybe she has a guilty conscious. he should call her 9000 times a day & question her every moment of the day.

[Anonymous]

The usual solution is "complete transparency". She has to have access to all your (where permitted by employer) email, phone, credit card records, etc.

Maybe you should call her at preset times each day.

Give me a BREAK! Really, then should he be able to have full access and knowledge of her every waking second.

Point blank, there is either trust or there is not. You can rebuild trust if YOU broke it. But if you have done nothing to break that trust then she indeed does have some severe insecurity issues.

I am a wife and my husband can go away for days and I do not hear from him or call him myself (unless he takes my kids out on the boat for a weekend).

I know that I would not want to live under a microscope so why would he.

Hope you can get this settled.

[Anonymous]

or say the hell with it and start cheating.....

[Anonymous]

17:02: Nah...one woman is hard enough...

[Anonymous]

If the sexes were reversed in this situation, I would immediately think the paranoid one was the one who was cheating. So that's my answer. Has she been having affairs?

[Anonymous]

LOL...17:02: Nah...one woman is hard enough...


Yes we are quite complicated creatures....

[Anonymous]

20:13: I do not think she is cheating....