How important are date nights to sustaining a marriage?

[Anonymous]

It absolutely depends on your relationship. There are many more factors to a good marriage than just date nights. Dh and I did not get many date nights until the kids became mid teens. Now it’s a couple of times a month. We have always been strong. Focus on all the things—communication, distribution of effort, free time with friends, sex, etc.

Date nights are nice, but they aren’t going to be the thing that saves a marriage if anything else is very wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a husband they are stupid and irritating.

Best post ever!

Why is this the best post ever? I guess it depends on what you want. Personally, I could never be with a man who thought the idea of going out with me alone after we had kids was irritating and stupid. Luckily I was on the same page with my dh about this issue. We always did regular date nights (or sometimes afternoons) after our kids were about 9 months of age. It actually got harder when the kids were school-age and started having activities of their own, but then around middle/high school, it became easier again.

[Anonymous]

I really do think they help but unfortunately they're a budget buster (we have college age babysitters and they basically don't find it worth coming over for less than $100). We do it once every couple of months, which isn't enough, and feel guilty about it when we do
No neighbors with similarly aged kids to swap with or family in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always did a date night 2x a month which truthfully was just going to dinner and being home by 9 when the kids were asleep. We spent the whole day with them so not feeling bad about not being there every other Saturday night.

We also took off work 1x every 2 months to do an all day date home by 4 when the kids got home.

We had a regular baby sitter who would nicely explain... I'm free every Saturday night for you because you are home before I even shower to go out.

Once a week (usually Friday) we would feed the kids kid food like mac and cheese and chicken bites and sit and have a Martini and talk with them, then put them in front of a movie to fall asleep and we would have a really nice dinner with wine, etc. I like to cook.

Sounds like there is an issue with alcohol in your house.

Not PP but seriously? Issue with alcohol because of a martini and dinner with wine once a week?!? Nearly everyone I know has an issue by your standards.

[Anonymous]

The couples I know who talked most emphatically about date nights and weekends away are all divorced now.

I think it's important to have fun with your spouse and to do things (together or apart) that aren't all about the kids, but what wears away at a marriage is one parent pulling more than their weight all the time and never having their needs considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to have date nights when we have young kids and are both working full-time, but we do spend a lot of time as a family. Is that enough for the long haul?

You’re probably fine. My spouse and I were hardly ever able to have date nights, and we’ve been happily married for forty years. Spoiler alert: things get really great when the nest eventually empties. Then, every night can be a date night, if you know what I mean.

Only if both spouses want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a husband they are stupid and irritating.

Why?

[Anonymous]

We have been together 26 years, married 16. Kids are 7 and 11. We hire a sitter about 4-5 times a year for nights out. I’d love it to be more. We haven’t spent a night or weekend away from kids in 6 years and that’s the only time we’ve done it. But we plan to have lunch together once a week or so and will have at least one night a week we ignore chores and watch a movie together or prioritize intimacy if it’s been awhile or play a game etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a husband they are stupid and irritating.

Date nights or kids?

[Anonymous]

Depends how loosely you define "date night." Some time without the kids is important. But it doesn't necessarily have to be a "date."

We're empty nesters now and accomplished time alone in various ways throughout the years. But, once the kids got old enough to be left alone for an hour here and there, walking the dogs without the kids every night was a major source of reconnecting for my wife and I.

I wouldn't ever call walking the dogs "date night" though. So I guess my answer is "not very important."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a husband they are stupid and irritating.

Date nights or kids?

Some kids are pretty bright, but babies are uniformly stupid. Just so, so dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a husband they are stupid and irritating.

As a husband I am.divorced now because I has the same exact thinking. But she went on to remarry and is divorce again. Now I don't know who dumped who though lol. May hubby #2 was thinking like us as well.

But to answer the post I think every couple should find what works for them. Some people need that connection with other couples for example to get going. Not my thing....just know your spouse what they want to keep the relationship going and stick to that.....no need to be cliche by doing date nights of you guys don't want to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always did a date night 2x a month which truthfully was just going to dinner and being home by 9 when the kids were asleep. We spent the whole day with them so not feeling bad about not being there every other Saturday night.

We also took off work 1x every 2 months to do an all day date home by 4 when the kids got home.

We had a regular baby sitter who would nicely explain... I'm free every Saturday night for you because you are home before I even shower to go out.

Once a week (usually Friday) we would feed the kids kid food like mac and cheese and chicken bites and sit and have a Martini and talk with them, then put them in front of a movie to fall asleep and we would have a really nice dinner with wine, etc. I like to cook.

Sounds like there is an issue with alcohol in your house.

The child of an alcoholic has entered the thread.

Yes drinks once a week is a “problem” get thee to an nunnery

[Anonymous]

Depends on the people entirely. My parents never had date nights. Nor did my grandparents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to have date nights when we have young kids and are both working full-time, but we do spend a lot of time as a family. Is that enough for the long haul?

We didn’t either, but we did make an effort to hang out together at home each night. And a few “day dates” where we sent the kids to daycare, took the day or afternoon off, and did lunch and a movie or whatever. But that was like once a year.