Recent grad bemoaning joining the workforce

[Anonymous]

Make it clear to her if she boomerangs back to your house, you will not make it comfortable for her. No free food, wifi, cellphone, housing without rent, etc. All of the teenager rules come back, like curfew

If she has mental health issues, address those

If she doesn't want this job, support her finding something else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD just graduated and has a good job lined up. The job was made possible by a family friend. She is depressed and complaining about having to work full time. I am afraid she will start and then quit, then fail to launch. Her attitude is horrible. She has loans to pay back. How can we avoid a trainwreck?

Is it so impossible for some of you to have a little empathy? She's complaining. So what. It sucks to work full time when you're life thus far has been pretty good: summers at the pool, vacations, concerts, etc.

Empathize. Let her complain. Remind her it gets better when she accrues more leave, has money to spend, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t pay for things for her. Cut off her cellphone from your plan. Don’t let her use your car. Don’t keep her on your car insurance. Don’t let her move back home - though it sounds like she already is. Don’t help with rent or groceries.

What a uniquely American approach to parenting. No wonder there are so many unhappy people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it clear to her if she boomerangs back to your house, you will not make it comfortable for her. No free food, wifi, cellphone, housing without rent, etc. All of the teenager rules come back, like curfew

If she has mental health issues, address those

If she doesn't want this job, support her finding something else

Geez. I'd just nod and tell her yes, it sucks, we can all relate but you'll get through it, let's plan a nice holiday trip to look forward to...

[Anonymous]

Agree that some empathy would be helpful. Also make sure she knows that it may be a tough transition at first, but you really do get used to working it just takes time. Did she never have a job before though? Wonder why she is already complaining before she's even started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD just graduated and has a good job lined up. The job was made possible by a family friend. She is depressed and complaining about having to work full time. I am afraid she will start and then quit, then fail to launch. Her attitude is horrible. She has loans to pay back. How can we avoid a trainwreck?

Have faith and give encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Play up this fact: Now she will have money and no homework.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal to be nervous when starting a new job, let alone her very first job. My mom harped on me and harped on me about getting my first job and moving out but provided no advice or emotional support whatsoever. I took a job across the country and have been 100% financially I independent since the age of 22. Now she complains I’m too independent and don’t visit them enough.

Play the long game OP.

[Anonymous]

To make it long-term in the workforce, she needs to use the early jobs to identify what she likes and what she doesn't like. It's okay that she is disgruntled with the hours, that's normal. But it sounds like she doesn't have a trust fund to fall back on. So, she has to accept that 40 hours a week will be her norm for a while. How does she want to spend those 40 hours?

Start talking to her about what does she like, and what she doesn't like, and these are different for everyone.

The money and the freedom it buys
Learning new things, new business, new software, new products, etc
Being around supportive co-workers who also hang out or Having a great boss that will teach her the ropes
Doing repetitive work, or the need to be more mentally challenged
The chance to be client facing or a preference to work behind the scenes
The mission of the organization
The chance to get involved with volunteer work through work
The chance to travel with work
An easy commute
The chance to get promoted and gain more responsibility
The chance to be creative, design things.
The chance to use data, be analyticial

The more work aligns with personal values, the better her chance of sticking with an org long term.

Help her reframe and look at things widely. Within her company, can she identify one or two jobs/ people that do appeal to her? What is it about those jobs? Has she made any of those kinds of connections (she should)

It's also normal for recent grads to switch jobs every 2-2.5 years until they are 30, so be open to that as her parent. The idea is that she figures out what a good work-fit is.

[Anonymous]

Did they not have internships? Dc has learned more about what they like/don’t like in a job then actually learning the job from their internships. Will be a great for next year when they start interviewing for a real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let her move back home. If she has a good job, she needs to get an apartment. If she can’t afford one on her own, she’ll need roommates. I never lived by myself. I went from having roommates to moving in with my boyfriend to marrying said boyfriend.

Having bills to pay will hopefully wake her to the fact that she needs that job.

+1. Keep stressing that not working is not available to her as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be real the 1st few jobs suck.

Well, my first job was a dishwasher. When I got an office job out of college, I felt like I won the life lottery.

[Anonymous]

I would take her shopping for her first work wardrobe and make sure she is well on her way to getting moved into her new digs. It can be overwhelming to even the most motivated to get all this done before starting a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have made her hustle and line up her own job. No way she is going to value this one. It was handed to her.

Maybe she will figure this out by her next job, or maybe you have a line of family friends who can help her.

She wouldn't have landed a job on her own due to lack of effort. This job was handed to her.

[Anonymous]

How much have you been supporting her? I think I was excited for my first job out of undergrad mostly because I was sick of being dirt poor. I wanted new cloths and independence. Is it possible she's had it good for so long that she just doesn't feel any urgency to earn her own living?