Critiques and criticism from the parents and spectators

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to be able to handle it (ie tune it out and ignore it)…the sooner the better, because they will hear it, or over hear it, from the sideline and from teammates.

As for the sideline: I understand if a parent/spectator makes a comment like that to someone else near them on the sideline, but if you are shouting that to a player, you are likely just a loudmouth, d-bag.

I agree. I've found that at higher levels no one is yelling nonsense. But people are yelling constructive things. Usually dads who played.

[Anonymous]

This is a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The right way is for the only sideline coaching to come from the actual coach(es).

The issue here is not a player's ability to take criticism, the issue is that parents/grandparents/siblings/whoever need to hush.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to be able to handle it (ie tune it out and ignore it)…the sooner the better, because they will hear it, or over hear it, from the sideline and from teammates.

As for the sideline: I understand if a parent/spectator makes a comment like that to someone else near them on the sideline, but if you are shouting that to a player, you are likely just a loudmouth, d-bag.

I agree. I've found that at higher levels no one is yelling nonsense. But people are yelling constructive things. Usually dads who played.

and are currently the coach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to be able to handle it (ie tune it out and ignore it)…the sooner the better, because they will hear it, or over hear it, from the sideline and from teammates.

As for the sideline: I understand if a parent/spectator makes a comment like that to someone else near them on the sideline, but if you are shouting that to a player, you are likely just a loudmouth, d-bag.

I agree. I've found that at higher levels no one is yelling nonsense. But people are yelling constructive things. Usually dads who played.

To be clear, how is a player supposed to learn good decision making if former player Daddy is directing--I mean, yelling "constructive" things--from the sideline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most parents don't know soccer well enough to scream directions but of course those are aways the loudest.

Lol. I was one of those. New soccer mom. My kid told me after the game...."Mom, please don't yell instructions, you gave conflicting directions. Please just say good job"

Fortunately Coach is a good sport. Now I am very loud yelling things like "great work" "nice run" "you'll get it next time" "good teamwork"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have permission from me or know my kid very well like a former coach or trainer or something...you better not say anything to my kid that might piss me off; otherwise, let's just say that you may be confronted very aggressively. I think it's really that simple....and I don't care what age my kid is or what league he plays in and I think I speak for many parents out there. Me...I would never say ANYTHING to another kid on my kid's team unless it is encouraging. Common sense.

Interesting - one vote for "don't tell my kid he should have passed the ball instead of shooting, or I'll initiate a violent confrontation" ... Apache helicopter parent confirmed lol.

Anonymous wrote:They should all shut the hell up!

Let the coach coach and let the kids try to use their own brain for decision making without the joystick leashes.

Parents who actually know the game are quiet

Indeed, they should. I don't necessarily disagree. And sports fans at all ages should all refrain from using foul language, getting inebriated at games, and never cheer anything except positive comments for your team (and don't say anything about the other team). Oh, and no one should criticize the referee either.

But the question wasn't really asking about what ideal/fantasy sideline behavior looks like. It was asking how much should youth players be insulated from criticism from the sideline, until what age, and whether the American perspective differs from the soccer culture of the more successful regions of Europe and South America.

The weather should be sunny every day and necessary quantities of rain should fall in the nighttime hours; there should be no extremely high winds or other extreme weather events. In a greenhouse, you can replicate that; in the real world, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Players are focused on the game, they don’t listen to what spectators are yelling.if your kid is the exception then probably he doesn’t belong to a competitive sport.

That seems about right from what little I remember from middle school / high school football. But my parents rarely came to the games to defend my honor on the sidelines lol.

[Anonymous]

A little, that is the right answer.

If it's too much the team parent needs to address it.

I've been a team parent and my fellow team parent have asked many parents to "shut up or leave".

Sometime they leave.

Don't be a lemming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just my opinion, but I think if they are under 18 and/or not getting paid to play soccer, then spectators should keep their criticisms to themselves. Especially to other peoples' kids. Half the time the criticisms aren't even correct. If you think the kids on the team get motivated by it, sure shout some general encouragements or compliments after a good play. Otherwise say it under your breath or not at all.

That's the best standard I've seen in the responses thus far -- if the player isn't either over 18 or getting paid to play, don't shout instructional criticism from the sideline. It's at least a logical framework between extremes. (Of course, all players are "other peoples' kids" except your own.

There's frequently a lot of criticism of U.S. soccer as being a rich kids' sport; expensive pay-to-play leagues that crank out mediocre players that cannot compete with the best in the world. Sometimes people talk about the role "soccer culture" plays in that outcome.

I wonder what the youth soccer culture is like in Europe and South America in particular, where the majority of great soccer players come from. Are they insulated from sideline criticism until they're 18? Or do they grow up learning to ignore 99% of it and maybe consider the 1% of it that may be logical and beneficial to hear?

Closer to home, in sports where Americans are more successful -- what's the youth basketball experience like for kids who grow up to be our most successful basketball players? Are the inner-city basketball court sidelines hushed and polite? Or does trash-talking from all and sundry play a role in developing mentally tough players driven to succeed?

It's interesting to hear all the perspectives on this.

[Anonymous]

OMG. It’s bad enough to hear criticisms from their own coaches and opponents’ parents. If it’s your team, just cheer like a great team parent or just shut up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just my opinion, but I think if they are under 18 and/or not getting paid to play soccer, then spectators should keep their criticisms to themselves. Especially to other peoples' kids. Half the time the criticisms aren't even correct. If you think the kids on the team get motivated by it, sure shout some general encouragements or compliments after a good play. Otherwise say it under your breath or not at all.

That's the best standard I've seen in the responses thus far -- if the player isn't either over 18 or getting paid to play, don't shout instructional criticism from the sideline. It's at least a logical framework between extremes. (Of course, all players are "other peoples' kids" except your own.

There's frequently a lot of criticism of U.S. soccer as being a rich kids' sport; expensive pay-to-play leagues that crank out mediocre players that cannot compete with the best in the world. Sometimes people talk about the role "soccer culture" plays in that outcome.

I wonder what the youth soccer culture is like in Europe and South America in particular, where the majority of great soccer players come from. Are they insulated from sideline criticism until they're 18? Or do they grow up learning to ignore 99% of it and maybe consider the 1% of it that may be logical and beneficial to hear?

Closer to home, in sports where Americans are more successful -- what's the youth basketball experience like for kids who grow up to be our most successful basketball players? Are the inner-city basketball court sidelines hushed and polite? Or does trash-talking from all and sundry play a role in developing mentally tough players driven to succeed?

It's interesting to hear all the perspectives on this.

I think the answer to this can be different in countries where everyone understands the game of soccer. Here you have a bunch of dads who are clueless yelling criticisms that aren't even merited. It's more likely to be constructive if everyone watching actually understands and plays the game. Even then, tone matters. Kids who aren't being paid to play do not deserve to be berated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should all shut the hell up!

Let the coach coach and let the kids try to use their own brain for decision making without the joystick leashes.

Parents who actually know the game are quiet

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a really mild mannered guy but he is vocal at soccer games. 99.9% of the time he talks to our kid (15 DS) and says constructive things such as "Talk to the team!" or "Look for the ____" or "Great job on the ____ - keep it up!" Sometimes it's more specific. I am a little uncomfortable with it but my son is not at all. He sees it as engagement. My husband has complimented other kids, but everyone does that.

I've heard other parents occasionally say things targeting my kid along the same lines - encouraging feedback or a helpful tip. I don't mind.

Unless someone is being inaccurate and mean, deal with it. Sports require some toughness, and being able to accept feedback or at least play through it is a useful skill that teen travel players certain should be developing capacity for.

Except that it's NOT constructive in any way shape or form. The player needs to learn to make theor own decisions on the field, not constantly be taking directions. Esp from a parent! Only the coach, and perhaps other players on the field, should ever give instruction.

One of my kids clubs said parents/spectators has one job only on the sidelines: cheer for your player and the team. I 100% agree with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, [b]how is a player supposed to learn good decision making if former player Daddy is directing--I mean, yelling "constructive" things--from the sideline?[/b]

Without taking a position one way or another, I think the thinking is that, say, if Graydon the MLS Next wunderkid has the ball outside the box and has a clear pass to another player who is unmarked, in the box, on-side, and in a clearly superior scoring position, and Graydon decides to take a wildly unsuccessful shot instead of passing to his teammate, then another parent yelling "You had Roberto open in the middle - look up, look for a pass!" might be -- might be, mind you -- an incident where Graydon factors that feedback into his decision-making next time.

I mean, nobody seems to bat an eye at Daddy yelling "Great job, Graydon! Keep shooting! It's all about who wants it!"

As for dealing with the "don't you dare say anything to my kid" parents out there, maybe the solution is for the other parents to just tell to Roberto "Hey, Roberto! Great positioning! You could have scored! Communicate! Tell your teammates instead of always shooting, they should look to pass the ball to other players sometimes! You were in a great scoring position!" Then nobody will get upset that you're yelling criticism to their kid.

Of course, ball-hogging and favoritism and parental influence do not play any role in youth soccer. At all. Perish the thought.