Director flat out accredited something I did well to my looks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. It really depends. I tend to be really pragmatic so I don’t stick my neck out unless I think it will make my life better and not worse. In this case, I might just let it go rather than further wound a fragile ego and make myself a target.

That said, if I had witnessed something like this as a third person observer, I would have said something. To me that is a different dynamic. I try to defend other people who may need it more than I do.

Last point, it is really really hard to think on your feet in these situations bc you’re so surprised, but humor can be a good tool to make your point without making a huge deal. “OK so we’ll get you some blonde hair dye and then you’ll have no excuses!” The person can laugh it off while still being checked.

Oh I just saw the “brown guy” part so maybe a different joke is better!! Take the idea not the example

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t have said that, but it was probably true. Yes, you worked hard and gave a good presentation. Also, you are an attractive new employee of lower seniority who clearly wasn’t responsible for the deficiencies, so why would they take it out on you? Both are true.

+1. OP, your boss has been around a lot longer than you and has seen how things have gone before. Surely you don’t think you are the only one who was well prepared and delivered bad news? He shouldn’t have said it but you received so pretty valuable (and likely true) information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. It really depends. I tend to be really pragmatic so I don’t stick my neck out unless I think it will make my life better and not worse. In this case, I might just let it go rather than further wound a fragile ego and make myself a target.

That said, if I had witnessed something like this as a third person observer, I would have said something. To me that is a different dynamic. I try to defend other people who may need it more than I do.

Last point, it is really really hard to think on your feet in these situations bc you’re so surprised, but humor can be a good tool to make your point without making a huge deal. “OK so we’ll get you some blonde hair dye and then you’ll have no excuses!” The person can laugh it off while still being checked.

This is good advice

[Anonymous]

It’s true, sorry. Privilege is invisible to those who have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s true, sorry. Privilege is invisible to those who have it.

The comment was inappropriate

[Anonymous]

I think most of you are wrong about him saying it being misogynistic. I actually think it shows that he respects OP’s intelligence enough to “say the quiet part out loud” as it were. OP, you did a good job, and what he said was also true. If I were you I might even volunteer to deliver more bad news in the future if your boss is extra stressed about it. Show that you’re a team player who also understands and accepts reality, and that your colleagues don’t have to be terrified of offending you (even if what they say is true). But that’s just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s true, sorry. Privilege is invisible to those who have it.

The comment was inappropriate

It was not a good idea for the director to say that from a legal standpoint, though that doesn't mean he was entirely wrong. However, he should definitely have acknowledged OP's hard work.

I agree that OP should document it for herself. Next time it happens if it happens again, document it via an email to the director with information about how OP contributed to the success via hard work.

[Anonymous]

These comments happen all the time. It’s what the kids call “micro aggressions.” Nothing good comes from calling out this behavior. Women who call out this behavior get labeled as “difficult,” “not a team player,” or worse a “feminazi.” Men sit through endless HR trainings on behavior and still say these things. Welcome to working with men! I work in a male dominated field and get comments like this all the time. It slowly wears you down then you get to retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So to clarify, when he said "old news brown guy" he was referring to himself or the director who was out sick?

Either way, it's inappropriate, but if he was referring to himself, I could see a tinge of bitterness. It would not go over well for you to bring it up, but I would definitely document for myself.

FWIW, in the moment I would respond, perhaps, but I also did a ton of preparation and delivered substance. And leave it at that.

He was probably right. He is bitter he doesn’t have that advantage and instead gets the screws. You won’t always be pretty or young, so your hard work and competence is good investment, but be mindful he may send you to the wolves as long as you have that halo.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he "was out sick" intentionally so the new girl could take the heat while delivering the bad news, only to learn that it went really well.

OP, you were preening and wanted strokes. You should have simply said I think it went well. I believe we have time to fix the problems. So good news.

You know he has to feel threatened by you. Why solidify his fears and make yourself a target. Right or wrong, half of succeeding is being able to keep the train on the tracks without hitting the 3rd rail. And that means company politics.

Keep your head down and do the good work as you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s true, sorry. Privilege is invisible to those who have it.

The comment was inappropriate

Both things can be true.

[Anonymous]

The comment was inappropriate, full stop.

But whether to address it? I think you do, yes. It's not entirely clear to me if it was your boss or the director who was out sick who made this comment to you. Either way, I think you address it with your boss. Just a quick sentence and then move on.

But keep your ear to the ground - because I don't agree with the posters who seem to think you did get either a new person or pretty blonde advantage. I think it's very likely that the "old news brown guy" is not effective and has to make these sort of presentations a lot, and he doesn't do a good job taking accountability for his team and doesn't come up with solutions. Everyone has worked with the folks who can't seem to chart their way out of a paper bag, but they complain all the time how overworked they are, etc, etc. You could find yourself moving up a level before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Document it (just email yourself or something) and save the info for later.

Yes. It says alot about the lense through which he sees the world.

Really sorry that you are experiencing one of the downsides of being a young attractive woman. It is real, but TBH sort of a double-edged sword.

I agree to document thus episode. But not discuss yet.

When you have your annual evaluation (or ask for a raise/promotion, you can use this example. Make sure to frame it as you did in your post.) If the director is not as strategic as you, he may actually not realize that your skill/smarts got the job done.

Congrats on this work accomplishment (don’t let him diminish it in your eyes. The higher ups were likely impressed with you). 👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of you are wrong about him saying it being misogynistic. I actually think it shows that he respects OP’s intelligence enough to “say the quiet part out loud” as it were. OP, you did a good job, and what he said was also true. If I were you I might even volunteer to deliver more bad news in the future if your boss is extra stressed about it. Show that you’re a team player who also understands and accepts reality, and that your colleagues don’t have to be terrified of offending you (even if what they say is true). But that’s just me.

You don’t KNOW that her looks had anything to do with how it all went down.

Your misogyny is showing!

[Anonymous]

This was a racially insensitive comment by the manager. Write yourself a time-stamped email for contemporaneous note purposes. You'll probably need to show it to HR at some point in the future.