Director flat out accredited something I did well to my looks

[Anonymous]

I'm relatively new at my company (2 months). Yesterday, the director of an adjacent team was out sick unexpectedly and I had to handle running a crucial meeting for him. For context, I'm a manager and everyone else in this meeting was c-suite. I basically had to deliver bad news that a new product the company has been developing is not ready to implement as expected per the feedback I've compiled from our end users. Historically, the CTO does not receive less than ideal information well. I worked really hard to prep for the meeting, made slides with the feedback and data I've compiled, and created a roadmap for next steps and how we can triage the features needed to get to implementation as quickly as possible while balancing the needs of our clients.

It went over really, really well.

I was excited to tell my director and he flat out said "Of course negative info is going to land better from a new pretty blonde woman than an old news brown guy". I was pretty taken aback and ended the conversation. Should I go back and talk about it? Or just leave it?

[Anonymous]

Not related to your looks but being a lower level employee and a new presenter they were probably nicer to you vs someone at the level of your boss. Kinda like how an exec will ream out their direct reports but be kind to their admin.

[Anonymous]

Document it (just email yourself or something) and save the info for later.

[Anonymous]

Weird comment. Start documenting and see if it’s a pattern or a one-off. Your boss sounds like he resents you. Good for you though for doing well.

[Anonymous]

He shouldn’t have said that, but it was probably true. Yes, you worked hard and gave a good presentation. Also, you are an attractive new employee of lower seniority who clearly wasn’t responsible for the deficiencies, so why would they take it out on you? Both are true.

[Anonymous]

I would say something in an email that you did not appreciate the comment like why do we as women let this shit fly? He could have said of course it went well you’re new! Or you don’t deliver bad news every week like the other guy! Unacceptable to narrow you to pretty blonde. I’d be livid I would say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say something in an email that you did not appreciate the comment like why do we as women let this shit fly? He could have said of course it went well you’re new! Or you don’t deliver bad news every week like the other guy! Unacceptable to narrow you to pretty blonde. I’d be livid I would say something.

This will just make the boss more hostile. The same thing would happen if a man sent him an email saying “I don’t appreciate what you said.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say something in an email that you did not appreciate the comment like why do we as women let this shit fly? He could have said of course it went well you’re new! Or you don’t deliver bad news every week like the other guy! Unacceptable to narrow you to pretty blonde. I’d be livid I would say something.

Bad advice. While his comment wasn’t appropriate, don’t make a big deal about it. As a new employee, take note, observe and don’t pick up a fight yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t have said that, but it was probably true. Yes, you worked hard and gave a good presentation. Also, you are an attractive new employee of lower seniority who clearly wasn’t responsible for the deficiencies, so why would they take it out on you? Both are true.

+1. Leave it be.

[Anonymous]

This is inappropriate but it’s true.
“Smart + Good looking” beats “Smart + Ugly” all the time. Use it to your advantage.

Have you seen a successful news anchor who is ugly?
Let’s not pretend that look and appearance play no roles at work.

[Anonymous]

That's extremely problematic. If he's a manager of a certain age and still doesn't understand that some truths are better left unsaid, you really need to watch your back with this guy!

The problem here isn't that it was true or false. Your looks, age and new status surely played in your favor, even if your professional competency did the heavy lifting. The problem is that your manager has no filter, and that sort of condescending remark is misogynist and minimizes your intellectual contribution. It's the very definition of a hostile workplace!

Prepare a phrase for the next time he voices a link between a woman's looks with her perceived performance: "Are you saying a woman's looks are more important than her intellectual contributions?" The first time you ask that question, open your eyes innocently and say it mildly. If he's not too far gone, he will scrounge up an HR-worthy, PC-response and be more careful in the future.

[Anonymous]

09:38 again. Perhaps he also sees up and coming people as threats and systematically minimizes all their victories. If you develop a great relationship with higher-ups, perhaps use a little discretion.

[Anonymous]

So to clarify, when he said "old news brown guy" he was referring to himself or the director who was out sick?

Either way, it's inappropriate, but if he was referring to himself, I could see a tinge of bitterness. It would not go over well for you to bring it up, but I would definitely document for myself.

FWIW, in the moment I would respond, perhaps, but I also did a ton of preparation and delivered substance. And leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

It's ironic that his lack of filter didn't stop that guy from becoming a manager.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. It really depends. I tend to be really pragmatic so I don’t stick my neck out unless I think it will make my life better and not worse. In this case, I might just let it go rather than further wound a fragile ego and make myself a target.

That said, if I had witnessed something like this as a third person observer, I would have said something. To me that is a different dynamic. I try to defend other people who may need it more than I do.

Last point, it is really really hard to think on your feet in these situations bc you’re so surprised, but humor can be a good tool to make your point without making a huge deal. “OK so we’ll get you some blonde hair dye and then you’ll have no excuses!” The person can laugh it off while still being checked.