Announcing early

[Anonymous]

First pregnancy, told my parents after we got a positive test, and the rest of my family at 8 or 9 weeks. Then we got a prenatal diagnosis at 17 weeks. We continued the pregnancy, but not everyone supported that decision. Lots of people thought we should terminate, and told us so. Telling people the diagnosis was the worst part because I had to watch their reactions and listen to their judgement. I eventually stopped telling people and tried to pretend everything was normal. It was really hard.

Second pregnancy, didn’t tell family or close friends until the second trimester, after all our genetic tests came back clear. Didn’t tell coworkers until I was over 20 weeks and showing.

Didn’t announce anything on social media until a week or so after my kids were born. And we purposely kept the announcements vague. I don’t need my kids’ names, birthdays, or faces out there on the internet. We don’t post pictures or updates about them; friends can get that info by text.

[Anonymous]

Of course we announced early on after it was confirmed via US at 8 weeks. After having a loss, I wanted to enjoy every moment as much as possible. I didn't want any fear taking over my life and sucking the happiness out of it. If I were to experience another loss (I did not, went on to have 4 more healthy babies) I knew my friends and family would be there to support me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember my gynecologist saying that once you see the heartbeat, chance of loss goes WAY down—and that the 3-month rule is obsolete.

I've lost multiple pregnancies after the heartbeat was seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course we announced early on after it was confirmed via US at 8 weeks. After having a loss, I wanted to enjoy every moment as much as possible. I didn't want any fear taking over my life and sucking the happiness out of it. If I were to experience another loss (I did not, went on to have 4 more healthy babies) I knew my friends and family would be there to support me.

I'm sure you would feel differently if your track record was reversed. More losses than live births. Imagine announcing every 4 months you've lost again. That would be me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All well and good until they have issues, then she might not announce early again. Hopefully they never need to report anything but a healthy baby.

This was me. We were thrilled and feeling invincible. It worked out the first time but not the second, when I miscarried in the first trimester. I'm not the sort of person who crowd-sources sympathy so having to untell my pregnancy announcement was traumatic. After that, I let my pregnancies self-announce via the bulging belly.

[Anonymous]

I told my mom and SIL (brother’s wife) immediately. DH was adamant about not telling his mom until 12 weeks because he didn’t trust her to not broadcast the news on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember my gynecologist saying that once you see the heartbeat, chance of loss goes WAY down—and that the 3-month rule is obsolete.

This is true, even for older mothers. If you have a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks, the miscarriage rates are pretty low. Of course we all know the stories of women who miscarried - but those stories stick out because they are anomalies. Usually, if you make it to 8 weeks, your chances of having a baby are pretty high. I know that hurts to those of us who have lost a baby during that time (I am one of those women), but it is not the norm. That is part of why it is SO painful. Usually, these things work out.

[Anonymous]

It's completely individual.

I struggled with IF for many years, finally got pregnant through IVF. One of my closest friends happened to call me one day to chat and I told her the news. Instead of saying congratulations, she admonished me for sharing it, saying it's just not done before 12 weeks. I replied, yes I know that rule, but you're not just anybody and I wanted to share with those closest to me. She persisted with, well, you still shouldn't tell anyone before it's absolutely safe.

It's incredibly stupid and hurtful to cling by this stupid rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely individual.

I struggled with IF for many years, finally got pregnant through IVF. One of my closest friends happened to call me one day to chat and I told her the news. Instead of saying congratulations, she admonished me for sharing it, saying it's just not done before 12 weeks. I replied, yes I know that rule, but you're not just anybody and I wanted to share with those closest to me. She persisted with, well, you still shouldn't tell anyone before it's absolutely safe.

It's incredibly stupid and hurtful to cling by this stupid rule.

Yikes. Whatever happened to a simple “congratulations”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely individual.

I struggled with IF for many years, finally got pregnant through IVF. One of my closest friends happened to call me one day to chat and I told her the news. Instead of saying congratulations, she admonished me for sharing it, saying it's just not done before 12 weeks. I replied, yes I know that rule, but you're not just anybody and I wanted to share with those closest to me. She persisted with, well, you still shouldn't tell anyone before it's absolutely safe.

It's incredibly stupid and hurtful to cling by this stupid rule.

How obnoxious of her! I had a similar thing with a friend who I told, who then admonished me for sharing before 12 weeks and having a piece of sushi. This is a woman who is not married and has never been pregnant. Tell me congrats and trust that I am making the decisions that I am comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

To me, announcing late means that you want to grieve privately if you have a miscarriage. Not everyone wants to grieve privately, and have people wonder what’s up with them at work, etc. Some people prefer to share their grief. Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Currently 11 weeks with our first and we’ve only told our moms and my sister. We are waiting on NIPT and NT, which we’ll have done in about 10 days. Then we’ll start telling friends and other family members. No history of MC but DH was pretty firm about not wanting to share too early and I respect that (although he wanted me to wait longer to tell my mom and sister, which I thought was ridiculous - we’d seen heartbeat at 6 weeks and I told them at 7 weeks).

[Anonymous]

It’s like everyone forgot the saying, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s like everyone forgot the saying, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.

Or they realize that lots and lots of eggs don’t hatch and keeping it a secret isn’t a requirement anymore.

I will say as well even someone who “follows the rules” and waits to 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 40 weeks could still have something tragic to announce at 13, 17, or 41 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s like everyone forgot the saying, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.

Or they realize that lots and lots of eggs don’t hatch and keeping it a secret isn’t a requirement anymore.

I will say as well even someone who “follows the rules” and waits to 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 40 weeks could still have something tragic to announce at 13, 17, or 41 weeks.

Exactly. My friend lost her healthy baby during active labor at 41 weeks in the hospital. Nothing is guaranteed.