You have to let him play video games. He’ll be a social outcast.

[Anonymous]

Video games are not the enemy.

Definitely let your kid have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think depriving a kid of something pop culture that literally all other kids do is going to be harmful unless it’s legitimately part of an overall alternative family culture. Like I have a brilliant friend whose parents were Russian Jewish intellectual refugees in the 70s who never watched TV in the US because they spoken Russian and did art and read books instead. She’s a unique individual from a unique background. That’s much different from purposefully isolating your kid from what all of their peers are doing just to ward off some imagined bad result.

Let them have video games. Go ahead and put strict limits on it, but unless you are a goat-farming off-the-grid family on a commune, you shouldn’t force your kid to be so different.

We don’t play video games. A lot of kids don’t. I guess it depends on your circles but it’s not common in ours.

My oldest is 10, hasn’t asked for games yet. He plays at friend's homes occasionally and thinks it’s fun, but not fun enough to ask to do it at home.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want your child growing up to be a weird anti-social gamer?

[Anonymous]

We don’t play video games in our house. Kids are 20, 18, 15, and 8. They had minecraft and roblox when they were little, but it didn’t stick. I even sent one of them to a Roblox summer camp. No interest. We occasionally watch movies, but other than that no screens other than homework (and being distracted at work - me here). No one ever complained and I never really thought about it. Kids are well adjusted, social, sporty, and academically inclined.

Do it if you want, don’t if you don’t. I think addiction is more on the habits you help foster in your house rather than a screen or external factor.

[Anonymous]

I played video games all the time as a kid, still playing plenty, and I'm a healthy well adjusted adult with a job and a family. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think depriving a kid of something pop culture that literally all other kids do is going to be harmful unless it’s legitimately part of an overall alternative family culture. Like I have a brilliant friend whose parents were Russian Jewish intellectual refugees in the 70s who never watched TV in the US because they spoken Russian and did art and read books instead. She’s a unique individual from a unique background. That’s much different from purposefully isolating your kid from what all of their peers are doing just to ward off some imagined bad result.

Let them have video games. Go ahead and put strict limits on it, but unless you are a goat-farming off-the-grid family on a commune, you shouldn’t force your kid to be so different.

We don’t play video games. A lot of kids don’t. I guess it depends on your circles but it’s not common in ours.

My oldest is 10, hasn’t asked for games yet. He plays at friend's homes occasionally and thinks it’s fun, but not fun enough to ask to do it at home.

Unless you’re in some kind of really unusual “circles,” almost all the kids are play video games by 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I played video games all the time as a kid, still playing plenty, and I'm a healthy well adjusted adult with a job and a family. It's not a big deal.

Watching my son play, I actually wish I enjoyed it more! I had an intense phase of Animal Crossing but I just cannot get hooked on any other game 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think depriving a kid of something pop culture that literally all other kids do is going to be harmful unless it’s legitimately part of an overall alternative family culture. Like I have a brilliant friend whose parents were Russian Jewish intellectual refugees in the 70s who never watched TV in the US because they spoken Russian and did art and read books instead. She’s a unique individual from a unique background. That’s much different from purposefully isolating your kid from what all of their peers are doing just to ward off some imagined bad result.

Let them have video games. Go ahead and put strict limits on it, but unless you are a goat-farming off-the-grid family on a commune, you shouldn’t force your kid to be so different.

I guess you guys will think I’m a whack job when I tell you he only watches about a half hour of tv every couple months and we don’t own an iPad. I don’t think of us as having an alternate lifestyle though. One of my siblings was absolutely electronics obsessed, which is why I have tried to keep video games and tablets out of the house.

DS stays pretty busy with activities in and out of the home, and he does cultural school on Sunday. And early to bed. Off days he likes legos and building, or else reading his junky kid books and petting the cat. That all seems normal to me. If he sees friends playing outside he runs out and they kick a ball around. He does get more screen and video games sometimes when he visits friends’ houses which I am fine with.

But I keep hearing from different people and reading here that “They all play video games now” and that I have to give in lest he be a social pariah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think depriving a kid of something pop culture that literally all other kids do is going to be harmful unless it’s legitimately part of an overall alternative family culture. Like I have a brilliant friend whose parents were Russian Jewish intellectual refugees in the 70s who never watched TV in the US because they spoken Russian and did art and read books instead. She’s a unique individual from a unique background. That’s much different from purposefully isolating your kid from what all of their peers are doing just to ward off some imagined bad result.

Let them have video games. Go ahead and put strict limits on it, but unless you are a goat-farming off-the-grid family on a commune, you shouldn’t force your kid to be so different.

I guess you guys will think I’m a whack job when I tell you he only watches about a half hour of tv every couple months and we don’t own an iPad. I don’t think of us as having an alternate lifestyle though. One of my siblings was absolutely electronics obsessed, which is why I have tried to keep video games and tablets out of the house.

DS stays pretty busy with activities in and out of the home, and he does cultural school on Sunday. And early to bed. Off days he likes legos and building, or else reading his junky kid books and petting the cat. That all seems normal to me. If he sees friends playing outside he runs out and they kick a ball around. He does get more screen and video games sometimes when he visits friends’ houses which I am fine with.

But I keep hearing from different people and reading here that “They all play video games now” and that I have to give in lest he be a social pariah.

Moderation is good. If you do all or nothing you are pretty much guaranteed to have an obsessed kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think depriving a kid of something pop culture that literally all other kids do is going to be harmful unless it’s legitimately part of an overall alternative family culture. Like I have a brilliant friend whose parents were Russian Jewish intellectual refugees in the 70s who never watched TV in the US because they spoken Russian and did art and read books instead. She’s a unique individual from a unique background. That’s much different from purposefully isolating your kid from what all of their peers are doing just to ward off some imagined bad result.

Let them have video games. Go ahead and put strict limits on it, but unless you are a goat-farming off-the-grid family on a commune, you shouldn’t force your kid to be so different.

I guess you guys will think I’m a whack job when I tell you he only watches about a half hour of tv every couple months and we don’t own an iPad. I don’t think of us as having an alternate lifestyle though. One of my siblings was absolutely electronics obsessed, which is why I have tried to keep video games and tablets out of the house.

DS stays pretty busy with activities in and out of the home, and he does cultural school on Sunday. And early to bed. Off days he likes legos and building, or else reading his junky kid books and petting the cat. That all seems normal to me. If he sees friends playing outside he runs out and they kick a ball around. He does get more screen and video games sometimes when he visits friends’ houses which I am fine with.

But I keep hearing from different people and reading here that “They all play video games now” and that I have to give in lest he be a social pariah.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. When he gets older he’ll probably spend more time at friends houses though.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a point, socially, when not having access to video games and the internet in general begins to become an issue. Which is not to say your kid won't have friends at that point. They will just probably gravitate or need to be steered toward other kids with similar interests and values. If your kid's BFF is a Roblox-addicted TikToker, it's pretty inevitable that your kid is going to request access to those things as well.

Frankly, elementary school-aged kids are young enough that that social moment hasn't really come yet. If someone is telling you that your 4th grader can't possibly have a social life without a Switch, that's just not true. I don't know that I'd agree that a 10th grader can have a social life without access to, at the very least, text messaging.

[Anonymous]

None of the highest achieving boys from DS's graduating class at Sidwell were gamers or anything close to it.

We can argue about causation / correlation -- ie, maybe the boys who are teaching themselves multiple instruments, designing experiments for fun, going to culinary school as a teen etc -- are not the sort of young people who would be drawn to staring a screen in a fiction world created by some dude in Menlo Park.

I know that for our household, DS wasn't interested in gaming although we dutifully bought him the correct consoles as gifts without him even asking. They gathered dust. BUT his peers at not-Sidwell elementary school certainly made gaming the center of their social lives. Gaming and soccer were their only passions grades 1 through ~7.

All to say OP, consider what kind of boy you have. Does addiciton to -anything- run in your families? Then I'd keep a short leash on the gaming. Does your kid have ADHD? Same thing. Otherwise, think ahead to what kind of young men you want to raise. Doers? or watchers?

[Anonymous]

I see both sides of the argument. Like PP, I have 30 year old underemployed siblings. In their case it was World of Warcraft.

On the other hand, DH introduced his childhood games and they are very effective as bribes for DS.

Overall, if I could redo it, I would probably try to avoid all screens. It sets up a habit where children feel entitled to constant entertainment. If you don't have them on screens they pester you until you get something else set up for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of the highest achieving boys from DS's graduating class at Sidwell were gamers or anything close to it.

We can argue about causation / correlation -- ie, maybe the boys who are teaching themselves multiple instruments, designing experiments for fun, going to culinary school as a teen etc -- are not the sort of young people who would be drawn to staring a screen in a fiction world created by some dude in Menlo Park.

I know that for our household, DS wasn't interested in gaming although we dutifully bought him the correct consoles as gifts without him even asking. They gathered dust. BUT his peers at not-Sidwell elementary school certainly made gaming the center of their social lives. Gaming and soccer were their only passions grades 1 through ~7.

All to say OP, consider what kind of boy you have. Does addiciton to -anything- run in your families? Then I'd keep a short leash on the gaming. Does your kid have ADHD? Same thing. Otherwise, think ahead to what kind of young men you want to raise. Doers? or watchers?

What’s the chance that all of us here have the highest performing students at the most prestigious private school? Lol. Here in the real world 90% of boys play video games in MS. If you have a real reason to be against it or your kid isn’t interested, fine. But banning your 12 yr old from Fortnite will not get him into a T20.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the friend group. Some are not into video games until late elementary. In others, you can have 6 year olds gaming.