DH refuses to let DD get iphone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post reads like your 11 year old daughter wrote it—who gives a flip if she is “furious and sulking?” She sounds like a major brat. Your husband is trying to protect her, stop being immature and let him do the job that you clearly aren’t up for.

This X 100!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

Buying a powerful tool for your child just because everyone else is or because she wants it is a sign of a very weak parent.

+1

[Anonymous]

The fact that she’s furious and sulking would make me even more reluctant to give in. She’s not mature enough.

Also, I highly recommend not presenting it as a gift or a reward when the time comes. That makes them think it’s all theirs. Present it as a tool for them to use, but make it clear that you, the parents, own it, pay for it, and can monitor it and/or take it back anytime you want.

[Anonymous]

If she already uses an iPad, I don’t see much difference, especially if you don’t allow social media. On the other hand, at our school they theoretically don’t allow phones, but then it seems like teachers make exceptions and they all use them during class breaks.

[Anonymous]

The fact that she is “furious and sulking” would make me that much less likely to get her a phone.

No way.

[Anonymous]

You're lucky to have the DH you do.

That being said - you both need to wake the heck up over access to internet at the age. People amaze me.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a way to contact you? If she has some sort of device to contact you if she needs to stay after school or wants to go to a friends house then that’s enough for now.

Though it’s weird that he’s ok with the iPad and Apple Watch. It’s like saying proudly “my kid doesn’t watch tv!” But then they’re on YouTube constantly (real interaction I had with a parent)

[Anonymous]

I agree with DH as well. We just got my 12.5 year old dad a phone last week because she is taking an 8 day school trip in a few weeks. It is super locked down but it is still a big deal. We did not do iPads prior to this (my 10 yo dd does not have an iPad either.) it’s fine- there are plenty of kids who don’t get phones for 5th grade graduation no matter what it feels like to your dc.

[Anonymous]

^ to add, there were other times a phone could have been helpful for us as parents (other overnight trips, confusion about after school pick ups, etc.) we always said the earliest we would even begin to talk about it was on the 12th bday. Any whining ahead of that would extend the conversation deadline by a month. But all the things one *needs* a smart phone for aren’t really necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is graduating from 5th going into 6th grade/middle school. She has made it very clear that she wants an iPhone for graduation. A handful of her friends already have them (got them over the past year), and after talking to nearly all of her friends’ parents it seems like everyone is planning to give their kid an iPhone for graduation.

DH is very opposed and has put his foot down that he doesn’t want her having an iPhone for at least another year - his main reason is that he thinks she will be glued to it 24/7 and addicted to it, regardless of whether or not we set ground rules (or the fact that she is in school for most of the day 5 days a week where you can’t have them out). DD already has an iPad so she is on group text chats with friends and access to the internet. She knows we have a no social media policy so that isn’t happening regardless.

DH is willing to get her an Apple Watch so she can communicate but of course that’s not what she wants. To me, given her iPad and the potential Apple Watch he is ok with I don’t understand why a phone is so different and where he draws the line.

I guess I am looking for advice because DD is furious and sulking since DH has made it clear to her she won’t be getting an iPhone and he doesn’t even want to discuss it further. I feel like he is making it a much bigger thing than it needs to be.

Team dh. Your dd isn't graduating. She is getting a promotion to the 6th grade and who cares if she is furious? I would tell her the more you complain the longer you wait.

[Anonymous]

Do the research not the peer pressure.

No phones until high school.

Give the Apple Watch.

[Anonymous]

My DD is a rising 7th grader and only about a third of her circle have phones. She loves her watch and uses that to chat with friends. At home she watches YouTube via iPad. Asked her recently if she wants my iPhone13 and she said not yet. The phone works great for staying in contact with friends and us. I regularly relay messages to her before she walks home from school etc.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. We didn't give our kids iPhones until the beginning of 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is 100% correct. Have you read the research, OP? Can you make a real argument in favor of her getting one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is right. We didn't give our kids iPhones until the beginning of 9th grade.

Still too early.