Handling 2 alone--don't think I can do it

[Anonymous]

6 week is tough!
Get a student helper, a babysit, a nanny for a few hours a a day to be able to focus on the elder one.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 and my youngest is 8mos old. THis has been the hardest, most exhausting 8 months of my life.

However, I work FT and am a walking zombie. I have no down-time, no naps, and despite being exhausted I have to show up at work looking polished, presentable, and on point.

I'm just hoping something magically changes at a year...at least at that point, I'll be done nursing-thank GOD.

[Anonymous]

Our first was 21 mo when #2 was born. I literally did not want to be left alone with both of them for about the first 3 mo. It was just too damn much for me! Luckily, we had our nanny come full time, even when I was home on mat. leave so I rarely was alone. It is sooo hard. I would suggest outsourcing as much help as you can afford and also take friends etc. up on any offers to help. Have them hold the baby while you do something fun with the toddler or have them take toddler to the park while you take a nap with baby. It's survival mode - anything goes. Indulge yourself however you can, you deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You can do it! I have a 12 week old, 23 month old, 3 year old and 6 year old. I'm at home with all of them and my husband is gone from 7am until 7:30 pm M-F. I grocery shop with my kids (never with any help), run errands with them and get whatever needs to be done. It can be done. I sometimes tell myself that I could have 8 kids so that 4 doesn't seem like so much work! If you think you can't do it, you can't! If you think you can, you can!! Positive thinking goes a long way. [/b]

LIsten to this PP because she is right on. My mother had 5 children under the age of 8 and my father was fighting in Viet Nam and she managed all by herself and, I would add, so did many, many other women. So can you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You can do it! I have a 12 week old, 23 month old, 3 year old and 6 year old. I'm at home with all of them and my husband is gone from 7am until 7:30 pm M-F. I grocery shop with my kids (never with any help), run errands with them and get whatever needs to be done. It can be done. I sometimes tell myself that I could have 8 kids so that 4 doesn't seem like so much work! If you think you can't do it, you can't! If you think you can, you can!! Positive thinking goes a long way. [/b]

LIsten to this PP because she is right on. My mother had 5 children under the age of 8 and my father was fighting in Viet Nam and she managed all by herself and, I would add, so did many, many other women. So can you.

\

And how many children do you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You can do it! I have a 12 week old, 23 month old, 3 year old and 6 year old. I'm at home with all of them and my husband is gone from 7am until 7:30 pm M-F. I grocery shop with my kids (never with any help), run errands with them and get whatever needs to be done. It can be done. I sometimes tell myself that I could have 8 kids so that 4 doesn't seem like so much work! If you think you can't do it, you can't! If you think you can, you can!! Positive thinking goes a long way. [/b]

LIsten to this PP because she is right on. My mother had 5 children under the age of 8 and my father was fighting in Viet Nam and she managed all by herself and, I would add, so did many, many other women. So can you.

\

And how many children do you have?

Three --three years apart for first two and 3.5 for last. I managed by doing what PP said, keeping positive.

[Anonymous]

It's hard - but you can do it and soon enough they will be older and you'll find yourself saying, how the hell did I ever make it through.

Here's how I did -
To hell with a clean house.
Hire someone to clean the toilets, etc
Buy premade/easy dinners. Even Wendy's for dinner counts. LAst night we had hotdogs (per my 3 YO's request). I ate lots of bagged salad kits. At least it seemed healthy.
For the b-day party - buy the cupcakes, let your daughter choose what she wants. She'll love it.
Used the laundy baskets as dressers, never even put the clothes away.
When given the choice to sleep or clen, choose sleep every.single.time.
Buy multiple items so washing won't be an issue. We had dozens of blankets, breastpump parts, etc.

It will get better. And I kept telling myself, at least I don't have twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this before when DH was traveling for 10 days or two weeks for a few times. Swing was the surrogate mother for my baby in the house, and when I felt that I really cannot simultaneously entertain both the baby and the toddler, I put the baby in the stroller and took both kids out for a walk. In this way, baby may fall asleep and I can spend some quality time with my toddler. I remember kept telling my toddler that she is a big girl now and should spend some times by herself, while I nursed the baby. I bought her a new puzzle to keep her occupied during the nursing time. At night, I will put the toddler to bed first, telling her that I will nurse the baby and will come back to her once baby is asleep. Then I quickly nurse the baby to sleep and come back to lay down with my toddler, while keeping a baby monitor on in my toddler's room so that I can go to the baby in the middle of the night. Very hectic, but now I look back, I felt good too. Yes, very little sleep, so OP please sleep when your kids are sleeping. You need the energy when they are awake. Hang in there. And I am in no way a supermom. Just keep telling myself that it is a wonderful opportunity for me to take care of both my kids myself and do everything the way I want it done. Trust me, you will be very proud of yourself when this is over and you will have a new found bonding with your kids.

I am the PP above. I remember when I only have one kid and DH is traveling. I was in a very negative mind set keep thinking this is too hard, not possible. So it was painful. But now that I have 2 kids and DH was traveling, I guess I am older and wiser, I keep telling myself I can do it and I will enjoy it. So I did it and am very proud of myself. Now even when DH is not traveling, I will send him to do gardening during the evening crunch time just so that I can do dinner, bath the kids and put them to bed all myself and I am happier, kids are happier, DH is happier too. No more switching between parents that get everyone upset. I think the positive mind set is very important. Just keep telling yourself that this is fun and challenging and you can do it and you want to do it. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Why is it so much easier when DH isn't around? Hahaha

I have 2, about 7 mo and 2.5 yrs, and DH is gone Mon-Thurs. They are, thank goodness, in daycare, so it eases things a bit. If I were a SAHM, I'd at least enroll the 2 yo in a part time preschool program. Just half a day while you catch some catnaps with the 6 week-old would be great. Evenings are the worst but I kind of look at bedtime as a challenge of multi-tasking (baby vs. toddler, round 1!) and thank GOD they are both sleeping through the night. Like you, I'd be a wreck if they weren't.

Also, PLEASE know your limits and even if it cuts into savings to hire a nanny to help you at least PT, do it. It is really hard to compare experiences - who knows if your baby is difficult and colicky, never sleeps (#1 was going 2-3 hour stretches at 6 wks whereas #2 was already going 4-5 hrs), and has to be entertained 24/7...all kids are different. So even though a lot of posters are saying, 'oh it's doable with 4 kids! Tough but no problem!', you know yourself and your kids the best. So don't think that getting help is throwing in the towel...hell if I had 4 kids with the same temperament as my #2, i'd think it's cake too. If i had 4 kids like #1, I'd be hanging myself right about now.

You could even look into sending the toddler to a nanny share or daycare for a few weeks. If it's the right fit for their personality, it would make everyone's life easier and it doesn't have to be permanent.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP back again. Today has been a bit easier. Toddler woke up at 6 am with a leaky diaper, so I put her to bed with us (baby in cosleeper) and we slept in a bit, which helped. I haven't left the house but the baby napped this morning so we could have some mommy-big sister time to play, which was wonderful.

I appreciate all the tips and have called some friends to help the next couple of days. I will try to find a teenager or mother's helper. I am trying to just enjoy them as much as I can, to keep a positive attitude, so I am ignoring most chores and trying to lower my standards a bit. I think getting more sleep is really key for my attitude and energy level, so will try to catch up this weekend if I can. I appreciate the advice and commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back again. Today has been a bit easier. Toddler woke up at 6 am with a leaky diaper, so I put her to bed with us (baby in cosleeper) and we slept in a bit, which helped. I haven't left the house but the baby napped this morning so we could have some mommy-big sister time to play, which was wonderful.

I appreciate all the tips and have called some friends to help the next couple of days. I will try to find a teenager or mother's helper. I am trying to just enjoy them as much as I can, to keep a positive attitude, so I am ignoring most chores and trying to lower my standards a bit. I think getting more sleep is really key for my attitude and energy level, so will try to catch up this weekend if I can. I appreciate the advice and commiseration.

Good work, OP. Sometimes just getting it out there and rallying friends around makes all the difference. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say big kudos to you all - you're my heroes! In my home country moms get live in nannies for the 1st baby on. And they drag the nanny to every place: the park, birthday parties, shopping mall, swimming clubs, etc. Even when both mom and dad are present as well. You always see this "extra" woman walking alongside the parents and she will be the one doing most of the tasks with the child. So I'm always admired and wowed by what some American moms can accomplish all by themselves with more than one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: To a PP, no, I don't take any medication. My 4 kids under the age of 6 keep me busy! Very. And some days are harder than others. I woke up 3 times last night but I'm standing here with coffee and making it through. Best of luck!

I'm amazed you have time to be posting on DCUMs. Seriously, I'd never get to this site if it were not for my job. I was just on leave with my 3rd and I never even had a chance to look at the computer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to say big kudos to you all - you're my heroes! In my home country moms get live in nannies for the 1st baby on. And they drag the nanny to every place: the park, birthday parties, shopping mall, swimming clubs, etc. Even when both mom and dad are present as well. You always see this "extra" woman walking alongside the parents and she will be the one doing most of the tasks with the child. So I'm always admired and wowed by what some American moms can accomplish all by themselves with more than one kid.

Thank you, on behalf of all of us who have done it all by ourselves.