Handling 2 alone--don't think I can do it

[Anonymous]

I have a 6-week old and an almost 2 year old. I am home alone this week while DH is out of town for travel. And after 2 days, I already feel like I am losing my mind.

It is not that my kids are tough---I just am getting absolutely no consistent sleep and the baby wants to be held constantly, so toddler is acting out (temper tantrums) and is not handling the lack of one-on-one Mommy time well. I have been carrying them both (little on in Ergo, toddler on hip) at times and juggling two crying babies at night-time and I am just spent. I feel like I am really not doing a great job for anyone here, not to mention my daughter's second birthday is on Sunday and I had wanted to get things ready including baking cupcakes (ha, ha, ha).

How on earth do you super-moms handle two little ones on your own consistently? DH just switched jobs and may have more travel, overtime out of the house, etc. Up until now if he had to work late, it was at home and he was around--so this is new to me. Being on duty 24 hours a day is new, and I am wondering what I have gotten myself into!

Any kind words of wisdom or advice welcome. Thanks.

[aprilmayjune]

I only have one, but my husband is out working a lot. Our situations are completely different, but I imagine that single parents, and parents with situations similar to yours they develop a routine and I'm sure it takes time to get into the swing of it.. Hang in there I'm sure you're doing great and that it'll get better.

[Anonymous]

First, props to you for being brave enough to try to do this on your own. My suggestion is this: SUPPORT STAFF. Start calling your neigbors to help. Everyone loves holding new babies and at 6 weeks yours should be able to go for a couple of hours without needing you if you are nursing. Schedule a 1.5-2 hour block twice a day, once so you can spend some time with your toddler and once during your daughter's nap (specifically so you can sleep). If you don't have neighbors you know well, this just might be the time to get to know them! Teenagers in the neighborhood can also take your toddler outside for an hour or so (your backyard in the sprinkler if you want to watch what's going on) and rates are cheaper than those of professional babysitters. Teens can also take baby out for a walk around and around the block if it's not too hot outside.

Make some calls and make a schedule. As for the birthday party, go with storebought stuff - she will think it is the most amazing thing ever, regardless of where it came from.

[Anonymous]

PP here - for the longer term, forgot to mention that all improves when baby is sleeping through the night and you get some consistent rest, which should be happening soon. Also, consider planned babysitting for the next time your husband goes out of town.

[Anonymous]

You can do it! I have a 12 week old, 23 month old, 3 year old and 6 year old. I'm at home with all of them and my husband is gone from 7am until 7:30 pm M-F. I grocery shop with my kids (never with any help), run errands with them and get whatever needs to be done. It can be done. I sometimes tell myself that I could have 8 kids so that 4 doesn't seem like so much work! If you think you can't do it, you can't! If you think you can, you can!! Positive thinking goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

I did this before when DH was traveling for 10 days or two weeks for a few times. Swing was the surrogate mother for my baby in the house, and when I felt that I really cannot simultaneously entertain both the baby and the toddler, I put the baby in the stroller and took both kids out for a walk. In this way, baby may fall asleep and I can spend some quality time with my toddler. I remember kept telling my toddler that she is a big girl now and should spend some times by herself, while I nursed the baby. I bought her a new puzzle to keep her occupied during the nursing time. At night, I will put the toddler to bed first, telling her that I will nurse the baby and will come back to her once baby is asleep. Then I quickly nurse the baby to sleep and come back to lay down with my toddler, while keeping a baby monitor on in my toddler's room so that I can go to the baby in the middle of the night. Very hectic, but now I look back, I felt good too. Yes, very little sleep, so OP please sleep when your kids are sleeping. You need the energy when they are awake. Hang in there. And I am in no way a supermom. Just keep telling myself that it is a wonderful opportunity for me to take care of both my kids myself and do everything the way I want it done. Trust me, you will be very proud of yourself when this is over and you will have a new found bonding with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I am so sleepy, I don't think I have ever felt this tired in my life. Going to bed now and hopefully everyone will sleep for a few hours...

[Anonymous]

Dad here. I have two who are spread about the same and a DW who travels a lot, but it's not nearly as tough as your situation.

Have you considered calling a service for a night nurse to help you through this early phase? It isn't going to be this demanding forever. You are in the thick of it now, though, and some short term help might give you some sanity and help you get the two siblings off on the right foot with each other.

[Anonymous]

If you can hire a teenager to watch the toddler for even a few hours you will be able to get back on your feet. If not, you will have to do what I do, which is what our moms did to clean house and make dinner without any help: let the kids cry. It will not kill them and just may save your sanity. Our playpens and cribs are put to good use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You can do it! I have a 12 week old, 23 month old, 3 year old and 6 year old. I'm at home with all of them and my husband is gone from 7am until 7:30 pm M-F. I grocery shop with my kids (never with any help), run errands with them and get whatever needs to be done. It can be done. I sometimes tell myself that I could have 8 kids so that 4 doesn't seem like so much work! If you think you can't do it, you can't! If you think you can, you can!! Positive thinking goes a long way.

I agree. May I ask if you take medication? In all seriousness.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2.5 yr old and a 5 month old and 6 weeks to 3 months was the absolute HARDEST. It got better. You WILL survive.

[Anonymous]

Forget the idea of perfection - it's not going to happen. Do what you have to do to get by. Buy the cupcakes for the party; the kids will love them just as much as homemade. (or more, because usually the store-bought ones have all the fancy icings and decorations and stuff.) Hire someone to come in and clean if you need a clean house for the party. And consider a mother's helper, like another poster said - a friend of mine with 2 small kids has one from the neighborhood, and she helps out with the cleaning and the toddler while my friend focuses on the baby.

Remember that your baby will eventually sleep through the night - I think it was 3 months for us. Not that that helps you now, but it can help to take the long view and remember that the next business trip shouldn't be quite this tough on you.

I'm a single working mom of one so I'm used to exhaustion and having to do everything myself. My ex is currently deployed for four months and it has been SO hard. I never get a break, other than when his folks come into town, which is frequent, but I'm still the only parent for 13 days in a row, generally. (13 nights of interrupted sleep.) I'm about to start the longest stretch till their next visit - 3 weeks - and I'm dreading 21 nights in a row without a break. But you do what you have to do, and we survive.

[Anonymous]

First of all, THIS WILL GET BETTER. Don't underestimate the impact of not enough sleep. You're also coming off of delivering a child, and that is a big accomplishment. Same thing happened with me, I can tell you that they are 2 and 4 now and it's all so so much easier.

For me, the key was tiring the toddler out. So if you can find a teenager to come in for a few hours and run the toddler around, just totally wipe the toddler out, your life will be so much easier.

We went to alot of places at that time that were easy to park (bookstores with close parking lots, etc) to just get them out and about.

There's a kids cafe in Reston (At Play Cafe) that you can go and sit down with the baby while you keep an eye on your toddler who can just run like nuts with other kids, and new toys and gym epuipment. Also we used to go to National Building museum playroom. Very easy to sit with your infant and just let your toddler run in a safe, cool environment. Just a few ideas. Also used to park outside National Gallery and go to their cafe for gelato. Easy to manage, very exciting for the toddler with the running water wall and the bright lights escalator ride (can't tell you how many times we walked on that thing). Again, all ideas to blow off some steam for the toddler in the A/C (so hot here in Aug).

Hang in there. It gets a little better quickly, and then ALOT better/easier in about one year.

[Anonymous]

To a PP, no, I don't take any medication. My 4 kids under the age of 6 keep me busy! Very. And some days are harder than others. I woke up 3 times last night but I'm standing here with coffee and making it through. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Can you hire a babysitter for a little bit in the evening? Even if you are still sleep deprived, getting someone to take them for even an hour or two in the evening (crankiest time) can make a world of difference.