Deflating in-person shopping experience after a long time away from it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went shopping at the mall on my own at lunch today for the first time in a very long time (usually even if I do in person shopping, I have a kid or my husband in tow because we are on the way to something or the way home from something, so I'm distracted). I'm mid-40s and struggling a bit right now with clothes because I am looking to shift into an in-person job after years of WFH and basically have nothing appropriate and don't even know what people dress like in the office anymore. So it's a lot of looking at what's available, tons of trying on and trial and error.

The thing that struck me today was how much advertising I saw in store promoting incredibly beauty standards that just made me feel like a troll. And the thing is, I'm not. I'm a regular person but fit and reasonably attractive for a regular person. Before I went shopping I felt fine about myself. But every store I went into had these images of ultra thin women with perfect bodies and perfectly airbrushed skin and perfect hair. And seeing those images over and over as I tried stuff on and tried to make some peace with my middle aged body left me feeling really deflated. At one point I walked passed a Victoria's Secret and there was a photo of Gigi Hadid outside in a bikini that just kind of got in my head like oh my god that is so many light years away from what I look like, should I go hide under a rock?

I am aware that the fashion industry has been like this for a long time, I used to read fashion magazines back before I had kids. But I guess I was just used to it before and then being away from it and getting older, it really hit me today. Today was a useful exercise because it's nice to try things on and be able to look at tons and tons of clothes at once, but I think I will revert to online shopping only from here on out. My ego can't take it!

Why are you allowing the advertising to affect you? What did you expect to find when shopping? Realistic looking models? It’s not like online shopping is any better. It’s one thing to talk about how beauty standards need to be changed. It’s another thing to avoid in person shopping all together simply because of Gigi Hadeed in a bikini, as if shopping online offers a different more enlightened experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

+1. it's a weird post because it's always been this way from the time we shifted from custom, made-at-home clothing to mass produced/mass marketed clothing. Go back and look at the impossibly thin, cinched-in-waist blonde sylphs advterising catalogue sales in the 1950s. If anything, it has gotten better with more size offerings, more acceptance of heavier women and diversity in the models

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the camp of never go to malls because the stock is depressingly light, and hate all the trends with baggy shapeless neutrals with random tiered ruffles.

OP, can you post an update in a couple of weeks and tell us how the linen pants from Gap are working? I'd get a pair, but am curious to see how they wear for a full day of work. I had wide leg linen pants back in the 90s (!) when I was new to the workplace and was so proud of my very professional summer look -- but then I ended up feeling like they were a terrible buy because they looked awful within an hour of putting htem on. Hoping your Gap pants work better for you. Are they these?
https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=855962052&cid=3030432&pcid=1189708&vid=1&nav=expmore%3Aleftnav%3Awomen%3Ajust+arrived%3Alinen+shop#pdp-page-content

Yes, those are them! I'm wearing them now and they're mildly wrinkled (they are linen, after all) but still look good after a half day wear. I was skeptical about the elastic at the back of the waist as I think that can make you look dumpy, but it's actually helping to keep the waist comfortably cinched in a flattering way.

They have almost the exact same pants in a poly blend, by the way, if you are concerned about the linen wrinkling. I tried those on too and liked them but they are too similar in weight to two pairs I already own and I wanted something truly summer weight.

Also, I tried on the Harlow wide leg pants at Madewell and they have a similar vibe. Maybe a bit more room in the pants but no elastic on the waist. I was a little torn between them, especially because the Madewell pants come in a caramel color that I really like, but the Gap pants were less than half as much with the sale they have now so I bought them and will maybe by the Madewell version if they run a sale at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

OP here, and I have barely been shopping in the last 7 years. I known size inclusivity is a thing in the industry and I've noticed it in ads, but I gotta say when I was at the mall yesterday, I didn't see much of it. It definitely felt like a throwback to the 90s when clothes were only advertised on impossibly thin 15 year old models. I felt extremely old and huge (I am a size 4).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I actually found clothes I like today! I have a normal body but wide leg and high rise look good on me as my best features are my waist/chest/arms, so wide leg pants (full length, dear god, I'm not trying to look like a hobbit in wide legged cropped pants) that cinch the waist and a fitted top is actually flattering. I found some wide leg linen trousers at the Gap that were surprisingly flattering and I can wear them with flats or sneakers, several ribbed tees at Madewell that look reasonably professional on their own and can also be layered under sweaters or jackets, and a linen button down at Uniqlo that looks cool/casual tucked into basic black pants. I also found some silk patterned pants at Zara that are not work-friendly but were really fun and I will wear out to dinner or on vacation this summer. So overall a very successful shopping trip.

But that does not mean I didn't gaze up at a 20 foot photo of some supermodel's pierced naval behind the checkout counter at the Gap, think of my own body in these sensible separates, and die a little inside.

Nothing could make me shop at Chicos though. I'm not willing to throw in the towel that much. I could stomach Talbots or Ann Taylor (I looked in AT and Banana Republic but didn't see anything I liked and it all felt overpriced for basic mall brands).

That’s good! Generally Gap and madewell have been good for me too. I think AT has really gone downhill in recent years. BR is okay but has so much shapeless/backless stuff that looks kinda cute with a model and on absolutely no one else.

OP again. I thought BR would be a hit based on browsing them online, but then once I was in the store, the clothes felt too formal for a modern workplace, even a more conservative one. I also found the prices silly. I would spend $200 on a good pair of pants, but they would need to be absolute classes and impeccably made. BR's quality doesn't justify the price and it was the one place I went where there were basically no sales to speak of. Maybe they run online sales. I was underwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I actually found clothes I like today! I have a normal body but wide leg and high rise look good on me as my best features are my waist/chest/arms, so wide leg pants (full length, dear god, I'm not trying to look like a hobbit in wide legged cropped pants) that cinch the waist and a fitted top is actually flattering. I found some wide leg linen trousers at the Gap that were surprisingly flattering and I can wear them with flats or sneakers, several ribbed tees at Madewell that look reasonably professional on their own and can also be layered under sweaters or jackets, and a linen button down at Uniqlo that looks cool/casual tucked into basic black pants. I also found some silk patterned pants at Zara that are not work-friendly but were really fun and I will wear out to dinner or on vacation this summer. So overall a very successful shopping trip.

But that does not mean I didn't gaze up at a 20 foot photo of some supermodel's pierced naval behind the checkout counter at the Gap, think of my own body in these sensible separates, and die a little inside.

Nothing could make me shop at Chicos though. I'm not willing to throw in the towel that much. I could stomach Talbots or Ann Taylor (I looked in AT and Banana Republic but didn't see anything I liked and it all felt overpriced for basic mall brands).

That’s good! Generally Gap and madewell have been good for me too. I think AT has really gone downhill in recent years. BR is okay but has so much shapeless/backless stuff that looks kinda cute with a model and on absolutely no one else.

OP again. I thought BR would be a hit based on browsing them online, but then once I was in the store, the clothes felt too formal for a modern workplace, even a more conservative one. I also found the prices silly. I would spend $200 on a good pair of pants, but they would need to be absolute classes and impeccably made. BR's quality doesn't justify the price and it was the one place I went where there were basically no sales to speak of. Maybe they run online sales. I was underwhelmed.

Agree on the formality of the clothes in BR. They do have in-store sales, but they run in cycles. Your timing was just off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

OP here, and I have barely been shopping in the last 7 years. I known size inclusivity is a thing in the industry and I've noticed it in ads, but I gotta say when I was at the mall yesterday, I didn't see much of it. It definitely felt like a throwback to the 90s when clothes were only advertised on impossibly thin 15 year old models. I felt extremely old and huge (I am a size 4).

What I don’t get is why they don’t cater to the average consumer. It has to be size 22 or size 00. I agree I see it at Target but everywhere else is rail thin. I’m a size 6 as always and I’ve always felt huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

OP here, and I have barely been shopping in the last 7 years. I known size inclusivity is a thing in the industry and I've noticed it in ads, but I gotta say when I was at the mall yesterday, I didn't see much of it. It definitely felt like a throwback to the 90s when clothes were only advertised on impossibly thin 15 year old models. I felt extremely old and huge (I am a size 4).

The world isn't about you and making everything you see look like you. The models aren't impossibly thin, because they are that thin, hence it is not an impossibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

OP here, and I have barely been shopping in the last 7 years. I known size inclusivity is a thing in the industry and I've noticed it in ads, but I gotta say when I was at the mall yesterday, I didn't see much of it. It definitely felt like a throwback to the 90s when clothes were only advertised on impossibly thin 15 year old models. I felt extremely old and huge (I am a size 4).

What I don’t get is why they don’t cater to the average consumer. It has to be size 22 or size 00. I agree I see it at Target but everywhere else is rail thin. I’m a size 6 as always and I’ve always felt huge.

Who said size 6 is "average"? "Average" for sizing does not work as a concept anyway.

[Anonymous]

Size 6 is pretty large in the fashion industry.

[Anonymous]

I stopped in-person shopping long ago, before the pandemic, as clothes stores opened online. I love Poshmark, Etsy, Amazon and brand shops on the internet - I know my size in a number of brands, and rarely need to return items.

You just recently realized that ads focused on young, slim women? Welcome to middle age, OP. Just so you know, there are a lot more ads showing older people and various body shapes and skin color than ever before. Imagine being middle aged 50 years ago!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

OP here, and I have barely been shopping in the last 7 years. I known size inclusivity is a thing in the industry and I've noticed it in ads, but I gotta say when I was at the mall yesterday, I didn't see much of it. It definitely felt like a throwback to the 90s when clothes were only advertised on impossibly thin 15 year old models. I felt extremely old and huge (I am a size 4).

The world isn't about you and making everything you see look like you. The models aren't impossibly thin, because they are that thin, hence it is not an impossibility.

Yep, this. This thread is so bizarre. I am a late 30s size 2/4 and I feel like I am thin. Pictures of women thinner than me don’t make me feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Size 6 is pretty large in the fashion industry.

Not at Target or mall brands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Size 6 is pretty large in the fashion industry.

The fashion Industry represents who??

Given they want to sell to 330 million (haven’t checked recently) american women who are the average consumer, I’m not sure how they actually expect to be regarded of value. They do their fake plus sizes at Walmart and then continue to do the same crap they’ve always done. From different angles of sales, society, it’s baffling to me actually.

[Anonymous]

This happens to me every time I try to shop for clothes in person. Thankfully WFH is likely to be my life for the next few years at least, but sometimes my spouse would like to see me in something besides sweatpants and T shirts, and it’s frustrating not to find appealing, well made, well fitting items. I can’t imagine going back to the outfits I wore pre pandemic. Heels, fitted dresses?!!

But I’m curious where mid 40s women all have been shopping online that is so much better.

And where are items being designed for 6 ft tall women? I am 5’9” and can barely ever find anything long enough in most any brand and when I do it’s limited choices.

And yes quality has gone down pretty much across the board.