Deflating in-person shopping experience after a long time away from it

[Anonymous]

I went shopping at the mall on my own at lunch today for the first time in a very long time (usually even if I do in person shopping, I have a kid or my husband in tow because we are on the way to something or the way home from something, so I'm distracted). I'm mid-40s and struggling a bit right now with clothes because I am looking to shift into an in-person job after years of WFH and basically have nothing appropriate and don't even know what people dress like in the office anymore. So it's a lot of looking at what's available, tons of trying on and trial and error.

The thing that struck me today was how much advertising I saw in store promoting incredibly beauty standards that just made me feel like a troll. And the thing is, I'm not. I'm a regular person but fit and reasonably attractive for a regular person. Before I went shopping I felt fine about myself. But every store I went into had these images of ultra thin women with perfect bodies and perfectly airbrushed skin and perfect hair. And seeing those images over and over as I tried stuff on and tried to make some peace with my middle aged body left me feeling really deflated. At one point I walked passed a Victoria's Secret and there was a photo of Gigi Hadid outside in a bikini that just kind of got in my head like oh my god that is so many light years away from what I look like, should I go hide under a rock?

I am aware that the fashion industry has been like this for a long time, I used to read fashion magazines back before I had kids. But I guess I was just used to it before and then being away from it and getting older, it really hit me today. Today was a useful exercise because it's nice to try things on and be able to look at tons and tons of clothes at once, but I think I will revert to online shopping only from here on out. My ego can't take it!

[Anonymous]

Fashion and styles for middle age, mid size (think sizes 8-14) and not super tall women (let’s say sub 5’6”) are horrible right now. It’s not just you.

Waist-less dresses look terrible. So does linen. So do wide leg pants. So do cropped tops. So do ruffles tiered maxis.

I find that I have to spend a bit more, go with upscale or classic brands, and return about 1/2 to 3/4 of what I buy online.

Also, designers are designing for my size extra small teen daughter, not for me.

It’s partly a retail thing and partly a trends think. I’m hoping the trends go a different way soon.

Try all kinds of brands like quince, everlane, reiss, Gibson look, Vince, rails, Veronica beard, alc, la ligne, cos, Abercrombie. It’s a lot of trial and error.

Just know that it’s not you. It’s the clothes.

[Anonymous]

Echo what PP above says. I have also gone a few times in person because online shopping/sizing can be so inconsistent and have found that many stores are half empty! Like that dress? Oh they have one size. Want petite? Hahaha you better specially order that—they don’t carry most of the petite sizes in store anymore. (Was told this at the Anthropologie in Georgetown) I actually recently spent a few hours in Georgetown hitting my old favorites and walked away with nothing, and I’m a standard size. They either didn’t have something in store or the available items looked awful (boxy, enormous, poor construction, need to be able to wear NO bra or underwear, etc). You’d have to literally be a 6 foot tall incredibly thin and young person to pull most of the styles off. So it’s not just you. A lot of the more mainstream stuff look and is constructed like crap right now, even the supposedly nice brands.

[Anonymous]

And some make fun of brands that work well for us older mere mortals: JJill, Chicos, Talbott, JCrew etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And some make fun of brands that work well for us older mere mortals: JJill, Chicos, Talbott, JCrew etc

There is good reason to make fun of anyone who shops at Chicos. Or Talbott's or JJill for that matter. Ugly-%$ clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And some make fun of brands that work well for us older mere mortals: JJill, Chicos, Talbott, JCrew etc

There is good reason to make fun of anyone who shops at Chicos. Or Talbott's or JJill for that matter. Ugly-%$ clothes.

Just shut it. I doubt your taste is that amazing. There's a few of you out there and your mocking is detrimental to this community. Bug off to Tysons or Beverly Hills or the Champs-Elysees and don't come back!

[Anonymous]

OP here and I actually found clothes I like today! I have a normal body but wide leg and high rise look good on me as my best features are my waist/chest/arms, so wide leg pants (full length, dear god, I'm not trying to look like a hobbit in wide legged cropped pants) that cinch the waist and a fitted top is actually flattering. I found some wide leg linen trousers at the Gap that were surprisingly flattering and I can wear them with flats or sneakers, several ribbed tees at Madewell that look reasonably professional on their own and can also be layered under sweaters or jackets, and a linen button down at Uniqlo that looks cool/casual tucked into basic black pants. I also found some silk patterned pants at Zara that are not work-friendly but were really fun and I will wear out to dinner or on vacation this summer. So overall a very successful shopping trip.

But that does not mean I didn't gaze up at a 20 foot photo of some supermodel's pierced naval behind the checkout counter at the Gap, think of my own body in these sensible separates, and die a little inside.

Nothing could make me shop at Chicos though. I'm not willing to throw in the towel that much. I could stomach Talbots or Ann Taylor (I looked in AT and Banana Republic but didn't see anything I liked and it all felt overpriced for basic mall brands).

[Anonymous]

Those photos are supposed to be aspirational. I am glad Victoria’s Secret is returning to their old advertising instead of the giant photos of overweight ladies in their undies.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the camp of never go to malls because the stock is depressingly light, and hate all the trends with baggy shapeless neutrals with random tiered ruffles.

OP, can you post an update in a couple of weeks and tell us how the linen pants from Gap are working? I'd get a pair, but am curious to see how they wear for a full day of work. I had wide leg linen pants back in the 90s (!) when I was new to the workplace and was so proud of my very professional summer look -- but then I ended up feeling like they were a terrible buy because they looked awful within an hour of putting htem on. Hoping your Gap pants work better for you. Are they these?
https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=855962052&cid=3030432&pcid=1189708&vid=1&nav=expmore%3Aleftnav%3Awomen%3Ajust+arrived%3Alinen+shop#pdp-page-content

[Anonymous]

Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skin tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skins tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

I think spandex is supposed to be skin tight. Unless you’re saying that a woman who is a size 22 shouldn’t be allowed to wear it.. Hmmm

[Anonymous]

51 year old, size 8 here. Tried malls (Tysons and then Nat’l Harbor). Horrible, horrible experiences. Also felt very troll-like. And old. Back to exclusively online shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I actually found clothes I like today! I have a normal body but wide leg and high rise look good on me as my best features are my waist/chest/arms, so wide leg pants (full length, dear god, I'm not trying to look like a hobbit in wide legged cropped pants) that cinch the waist and a fitted top is actually flattering. I found some wide leg linen trousers at the Gap that were surprisingly flattering and I can wear them with flats or sneakers, several ribbed tees at Madewell that look reasonably professional on their own and can also be layered under sweaters or jackets, and a linen button down at Uniqlo that looks cool/casual tucked into basic black pants. I also found some silk patterned pants at Zara that are not work-friendly but were really fun and I will wear out to dinner or on vacation this summer. So overall a very successful shopping trip.

But that does not mean I didn't gaze up at a 20 foot photo of some supermodel's pierced naval behind the checkout counter at the Gap, think of my own body in these sensible separates, and die a little inside.

Nothing could make me shop at Chicos though. I'm not willing to throw in the towel that much. I could stomach Talbots or Ann Taylor (I looked in AT and Banana Republic but didn't see anything I liked and it all felt overpriced for basic mall brands).

That’s good! Generally Gap and madewell have been good for me too. I think AT has really gone downhill in recent years. BR is okay but has so much shapeless/backless stuff that looks kinda cute with a model and on absolutely no one else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird post. I have noticed a dramatic change in “size inclusivity” of the past five years. Now there are mannequins and models of all shapes and sizes. The local athleta regularly displays skins tight spandex on a size 22 mannequin.

I think spandex is supposed to be skin tight. Unless you’re saying that a woman who is a size 22 shouldn’t be allowed to wear it.. Hmmm

No, I think the point was that it's more inclusive now compared to the past.

[Anonymous]

The crap in stores today is motivating me to try to fit into my old clothes (from before I had kids and went through some health issues).