Do I die on this hill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid does this but it's not because he wants THE STORY, it's because he wants me as white noise. It's his way of self-soothing in a transition. He pays no attention to the plot and he couldn't say what's happening in the story if I asked. I usually read a bit then leave the room when he's halfway out. If he says something I say I'm going to the bathroom and will be right back, which is, of course, not true.

Pro tip: make a recording of you reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what’s wrong with you?

I don’t care how tired you are you read to your child

It is the single most important thing a parent can do

Do you have an audhd child? Do you understand how it’s likely a prolonged battle just to get the kid through the nightly routine and to bed and it can be 10:00 and your kid may have fought you tooth and nail over every blasted thing for hours and you just want a few minutes to yourself before going to sleep yourself and the demand to be read to comes after hours and hours of not listening?

Give yourself a break, OP. Do it when you can. Forgive yourself when you can’t. Hang in there.

You should pick fewer fights. Work on changing one thing at a time.

[Anonymous]

I like the recording idea for the evenings you are out or otherwise busy. Try it once a week and see how it goes. Or, can you ask your child for input on this issue. I like to listen to a podcast while going to sleep—isn’t that the same thing? My kids are older now, but one of them like to listen to music when I put him to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use a book of really short stories for this.

I think this is the best idea.

[Anonymous]

Audible!!!!

[Anonymous]

I still read to my almost 12yo, she’s an only so not sure when it will stop lol. Realistically though it’s probably only 5 nights a week I read. If we’re home late or something I don’t do it. She’s ok on the nights I don’t read. She had adhd, I’m not sure what audhd is, thought it was a type at first but PPs have used it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still read to my almost 12yo, she’s an only so not sure when it will stop lol. Realistically though it’s probably only 5 nights a week I read. If we’re home late or something I don’t do it. She’s ok on the nights I don’t read. She had adhd, I’m not sure what audhd is, thought it was a type at first but PPs have used it too.

AuDHD is autistic and ADHD

[Anonymous]

Op - he doesn’t want to be read to (that would be easy) he wants a full made up story. Even if we went somewhere and get home super late

[Anonymous]

As a parent to a kid with similar diagnoses, I find that despite my wish to be intentional about changes to routines, the hills I die on are the ones that I can no longer climb. Usually that means I give in way to much at bedtime, in the hope that he just goes to sleep. But I could see just being done at a certain point.

This might be a place to practice finding a “plan b” with your kid. There are a couple of options people have mentioned- audio books, you recording yourself, really short stories. You could also offer to read another time of day I’d bedtime doesn’t work. If your son has a say in the alternative, he might be more flexible in the moment. That’s a discussion that will need to be had separate from bedtime when everyone is in a good mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - he doesn’t want to be read to (that would be easy) he wants a full made up story. Even if we went somewhere and get home super late

No, I would not do that. I was/am bone tired in the evening and if my family wants me to function the next day, I can't do a made-up story (unless it's a short!).

Parents have needs too. We restructured our whole lives around the needs of our child with autism, ADHD and very low processing speed. Bedtime story was not something we could do.

He's in college now, and doing reasonably well.

Your kid will have to accept that it's a no, and use a different sort of soothing aid before sleep. Clearly his brain thinks he needs stimulation, when probably he's tired as well, but doesn't read his body signals correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - he doesn’t want to be read to (that would be easy) he wants a full made up story. Even if we went somewhere and get home super late

Yes. This is the kind of ostensibly charming but ultimately wearying demand my auDHD child demands as well. She’s 11. She wants us to play prescribed roles in an elaborate pretend scenario. There’s little I can do to quell the request. It finally seems to be fading a bit as she moves further into adolescence but it was one of our clues that she was on the spectrum since it persisted so long and she was so rigid about it.

You’re right to be exhausted by it. It’s a lot. You don’t have to do it. Ideally he’d begin inventing stories himself.

You have my sympathies. Creativity on demand without appreciation is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - he doesn’t want to be read to (that would be easy) he wants a full made up story. Even if we went somewhere and get home super late

On the nights you’re really tired, could you just tell short stories that are actually plot lines from your favorite tv shows? Would he know you’re not making it up? Or can you tell super boring stories those nights so he doesn’t mind them ending early? Would he go along with shared storytelling, where the two of you take turns adding on to the story so you don’t have to shoulder all of the burden of creativity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - he doesn’t want to be read to (that would be easy) he wants a full made up story. Even if we went somewhere and get home super late

This sounds exhausting. Cautionary tale for other parents: keep bedtime routine as easy as possible for you.

What if you introduce reading or listening to a story from a book every other night? What about a reward chart for the nights DC goes to sleep listening to a book story?

[Anonymous]

op - these are all good ideas!
I actually did the shared story last night after writing this post bc I felt awfully guilty about saying no. i wish i weren't so exhausted by bedtime and could just deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - these are all good ideas!
I actually did the shared story last night after writing this post bc I felt awfully guilty about saying no. i wish i weren't so exhausted by bedtime and could just deal

I feel for you. But remember that he's exhausted too and can't deal. Find something that works for both of you, but don't expect more from him than he has to give.