Advice for a mom whose husband travels for work?

[Anonymous]

Definitely hire any help you can.

Also - your kids are old enough to be part of the family plan to dealing with this new reality. Have a family meeting, get all the chores/tasks/critical things on a list. Figure out who can do what. Figure out what you can hire out. Figure out what just doesn't matter.

Let the family work together on this - not just you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you offload the homework to your DH when he's done with work for the day? Ask your teens to send him copies of assignments or papers to proofread. You'd work virtually with most tutors so your DH can figure it out and google what he doesn't know.

Set up a carpool, but be upfront you will rarely be able to reciprocate so you are paying for "gas."

As long as your teenager didn't cause issues in the car I would love this gig. I know I am driving to events anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is currently in the beginning-middle of a year-long work stint that involves exclusive travel; he leaves Sunday and returns Friday. There are many factors involved, but the long and short of it is the money and his seniority make it so finding another job isn’t an option. We will just suffer through this.

But I’m exhausted and overwhelmed with everything and finding it even more daunting with the prospect of summer ahead of us. Kids are young teens and they just have SO MUCH going on. On top of managing a household and my own career, I feel like I’m being pulled in four different directions constantly.

Teens are too old for babysitters, obviously. I don’t like to ask other parents to help carpool, etc, because I don’t have the energy to reciprocate. I do “escape” and go to the gym for a couple hours every evening, but then it’s like I have to play catch up when I get home — dinner, kids need picking up, then help with homework, household tasks, even though kids do help, etc. By the time everything is done and I could relax and just “be”, I’m exhausted and just go to bed. And the weekends are a reprieve, because dad is a novelty, but they go by SO FAST, and he just wants to relax, too, and I feel bad pushing the kids his way.

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for, just seeking any general advice to help me through this.

You can't cope and your children are young teens and should be helping out? This is on you for crap parenting. Young teens should be able to keep house clean. Help with laundry and definitely do their own laundry, and cook a simple meal. Your job as a parent is to teach your children to be self sufficient. Obviously, your parents did not teach self sufficiency to you.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have a spare 10-14 hours per week for the gym. I’d start thinking of ways to trim that time. Home gym equipment or run in your neighborhood or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a spare 10-14 hours per week for the gym. I’d start thinking of ways to trim that time. Home gym equipment or run in your neighborhood or something.

She has the time. The "catch" is she has to go to bed at 9:30 and get up at 5.

[Anonymous]

Bump.
People please give OP some real advice, not criticism.

[Anonymous]

If you were talking about toddlers and preschoolers I could understand but you have teenagers. I felt bored when my kids were teens because they suddenly disappeared to their rooms or went out with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bump.
People please give OP some real advice, not criticism.

Advice is limit gym to 1 hour a day. Maybe more on weekends when DH is home.

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone that goes to the gym for hours

[Anonymous]

This sounds hard. When DS deployed for a year (ended up being 22 mos!) I got a live in au pair for driving and homework help. I also put in a lap pool for my kids to become swimmers and to have fun and socializing!
Best money ever spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bump.
People please give OP some real advice, not criticism.

OP has gotten tons of good advice. Time to outsource as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Teens need help with homework?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens need help with homework?

This!!! Start there. All the PPs’ wonderful-sounding suggestions about family meetings to help pick up slack don’t sound doable in a household where Mom is helping teenagers do their homework.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean you don’t have energy to reciprocate driving in a carpool? You are driving anyway - so find a family that lives near you and split the practices, taking turns each day/week, whatever. How does driving 50% less take more energy?

[Anonymous]

“Outsource everything” is not good advice - finding and hiring all this help is just one more thing she has to do.

OP, talk with your DH about finding and hiring the help you need. I travel every week for work and I find, hire, manage, pay for all the extra help it requires. I can do it as I travel.

In the same vein, sit with him and make a list of all the things he can *be responsible for*, not just do, while traveling. All birthday and Christmas gifts for kids and parents. Needed sports equipment purchases, including keeping up on cleat sizes. Making sure cars are inspected and registered.

Another tip - don’t just create the list and feel you need to nag him to do the things. Do it together. I feel like my DH and I are almost lucky because I’m the one traveling and would be doing all the sh*% myself anyway if roles were reversed!

And one more - lean on your *trusted* friends and family. Ask them to take your daughter shopping for school clothes or your son for the outfit for the school dance. They really want to help because they love you but you have to ask and you have to be specific.

Good luck! I’m rooting for you!