If you were on the fence about having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t like kids but it was immediately different with my own, so I wouldn’t use how you feel around other people’s kids as the barometer.

+1 I still don’t like kids besides mine.

[Anonymous]

I never really cared for little kids, was ambivalent about having them, but my kids are the best thing that ever happened in my life. It pains me to think what I’d be like without them. Yes, babies are boring (and really hard), and little kids are whiny and annoying (and really hard), and teenagers, I’m still trying to figure out that part. But none of the hard parts ever made me feel regret—my life is so much richer for having them. You just get through the tough parts and cherish the good ones. And you grow a lot, too, right alongside them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel I lack the patience.

I adore my infant nephew but I was beyond bored when I babysat him. It was monotonous after like 10 minutes of play time. I have an amazing 6 year old niece but she’s sarcastic, stubborn, and whiney at times. I really can’t take it.

I was with my sister and her kids today at Old Navy and this kid kept slamming the doors to the changing stall over and over. I almost wanted to yell to get that kid to stop. Another was incredibly whiney and I just couldn’t listen to it. I find kids who whine past 2 incredibly irritating and annoying.

You’re not really the same after having kids. When you have no human obligations, you can afford to be selfish, to lack patience. Once this tiny little person depends on you, you learn to develop patience, and all sorts of other selfless qualities. You grow into a confident parent. It takes time.

[Anonymous]

I found the first couple of years a nightmare. It is such hard and unrewarding work dealing with very young kids. I have to say though that after tge age of four or five I have really enjoyed them. It is ironic because I always thought I was a baby person. Turns out I wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

They are annoying, OP. And your free time goes down the toilet.

In my view, they increase your feelings of stress and anxiety by 100% but with the benefit of sheer feelings of joy around 5% of the time.

If you decide to go down this path, my suggestion is do “one and done.” Two kids is 3x the work of one solo kid.

-Parent of two kids under the age of 6

[Anonymous]

Op - I haven’t read the replies but no one should convince you to have a kid if your heart isnt in it. What you experience as jealousy might be many things (you wish you wanted them, you are jealous of people who want them). Kids are exhausting and challenging and expensive and stressful and will challenge even those who wanted them desperately to still not doubt it was the right decision.

That being said - I don’t think not liking other people’s kids is an issue. You will know this kid from when is a baby and you won’t feel like that

[Anonymous]

This is a pretty good representation of having a kid under the age of 5:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C587YSOspc9/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my young life I figured I would have kids because that’s what people do. Now I’m nearing that time and seriously contemplating becoming a parent. It makes me sound awful but I dislike kids. I find them annoying 90% of the time - even family members I love. On the flip side, I’ve noticed myself becoming jealous of my friends having kids and longing for it. It’s such a huge commitment and I would rather regret not having than regret having, but I worry about regret not having when it’s too late. Anyone else feel this way and love being a parent?

You'll regret not having them.

[Anonymous]

I hate most kids but love my own. Remember that you can parent them how you want. If others are annoying, it’s because they were not parented how you would do it. Personalities do matter but most of it is just parenting (no matter what anyone says).

[Anonymous]

I have one. I love her. She’s made my worth fuller and richer. I miss being childless often though. If you do choose to have kids don’t wait until you’re entrenched in life solo. It’s difficult adjusting. Meaning start before 40.

[Anonymous]

I settled on being an engaged aunt. But, my story/feelings are different than yours. I really liked kids but I did not have the longing at all. Close to the opposite. I've had honest conversations with my friends who did not like kids before and love theirs beyond measure now. Be very deliberate with your decisions and consider therapy if it would be helpful for you to have peace with wherever you land. It sounds from your post that you are closer to my friends who did not like kids but love their own than to me. Also know, though, that no matter what, you will be OK with whatever happens. I'm 50 and do not regret my decision at all, but i know that I need to save and plan as best as I can for a future without kids and grandkids. I am not suggesting that you kids should take care of you, but when many of my friends were in the baby phase, they had less time. Those same friends have lots of time now. But when the grandkids are around, maybe they will move to be closer? Maybe they won't. If you have any questions I am happy to answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate most kids but love my own. Remember that you can parent them how you want. If others are annoying, it’s because they were not parented how you would do it. Personalities do matter but most of it is just parenting (no matter what anyone says).

I’m going to say…..this is not true at all. We have a kid with lots of developmental delays and it is crazy challenging. Very likely he is mild ASD, will be doing full evaluation later this year as he is now more verbal.

One kid with even mild special needs and it entirely changes your parenting experience relative to your peers. We see our friends with neuro typical kids and we’re like “Ooooooh, that seems sooooo much easier. No emotional breakdowns? I could get used to this.”

Nature isn’t fair. You don’t know what you don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate most kids but love my own. Remember that you can parent them how you want. If others are annoying, it’s because they were not parented how you would do it. Personalities do matter but most of it is just parenting (no matter what anyone says).

I’m going to say…..this is not true at all. We have a kid with lots of developmental delays and it is crazy challenging. Very likely he is mild ASD, will be doing full evaluation later this year as he is now more verbal.

One kid with even mild special needs and it entirely changes your parenting experience relative to your peers. We see our friends with neuro typical kids and we’re like “Ooooooh, that seems sooooo much easier. No emotional breakdowns? I could get used to this.”

Nature isn’t fair. You don’t know what you don’t know.

Thank you for this. We have a similar family dynamic with neurodivergence. the methods others use don’t always magically fit. Every day can feel like the trenches. I’m thankful for my child 1-2-3 magic would be a freaking miracle here though. It’s not always the way.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t want kids but had them because my DH threatened divorce. At the time, the idea of divorce was more scary than the idea of having a baby.

If you choose to have a baby, make sure you pick the right partner. I did not, and was miserable for many years. DH wanted the fun, cute stuff and none of the hard stuff.

You should also understand how a baby will impact your daily life. You can’t just pick up and go whenever or wherever you want anymore. Sounds like it isn’t that big of a deal until you really want to get out of the house for XYZ reason and…you can’t. In some ways I very literally felt trapped.

I never knew what sleepless nights felt like until I had a baby. Yeah, I knew what it was like to stay up late and go to work the next morning on a couple hours of sleep, but that’s not the same. The sleepless nights with a baby are relentless. It’s night after night. It takes a major toll on your body and your mental health, and you need an actively engaged and supportive partner to stay afloat.

I also lost my sense of independence/freedom. With a baby you can’t just walk out the door to go to yoga or to grab a drink with a friend at your favorite bar or go for a run.

I knew sleep would be hard. I knew I’d spend my day caring for a baby. But I didn’t really know what all of that meant and how I would feel when I was in the thick of it. DH made everything ten times harder than it had to be because of his selfishness. I wish we had gone to counseling before the baby. Or that I had married someone more supportive.

All of that to say, my kids are tweens now and they’re a joy. I thought every day during the early years that I made made a mistake by becoming a mother, but now I can’t imagine my life without them. They’re amazing little humans and Im so glad they’re mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my young life I figured I would have kids because that’s what people do. Now I’m nearing that time and seriously contemplating becoming a parent. It makes me sound awful but I dislike kids. I find them annoying 90% of the time - even family members I love. On the flip side, I’ve noticed myself becoming jealous of my friends having kids and longing for it. It’s such a huge commitment and I would rather regret not having than regret having, but I worry about regret not having when it’s too late. Anyone else feel this way and love being a parent?

This was my situation. I ended up with twins and it is awful. It was a huge mistake to have kids. If you're not completely sure, don't don't do it.