Fellow atheists, how do you instill good values/ethics in your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry but I'm with the troll... why force the kids to be good if you don't believe that being bad will take you some terrible place?
and good luck teaching them to be good and expect no reward

Really? We're not church people, but my kids know what is "right" and "wrong." They know that society has rules for the functioning of society. They are generally good for the sake of being good, not for a reward. We don't need threats to run our moral compass in our house.

um-hum... I believe you, awrite!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach my child to respect other people. The golden rule is a great way to live, in my opinion. I agree with the PP. I teach my to child be good to other people because it is the right thing to do, not because the boogey man will get her when she dies. I don't follow any religion, and yet I can control myself and don't go around robbing, murdering or even cheating on my taxes. I don't need a dogma to tell me right from wrong, I can sort that out on my own.

I agree!!! I'm not a good person because I'm in fear of God. I think if that's the only reason you are good, then technically you are bad, because you would like to do bad things but only stop yourself out of fear. I do good because it makes me feel good, I know I am doing the right thing, and I can rest my head on my pillow at night and feel good about myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sorry but I'm with the troll... why force the kids to be good if you don't believe that being bad will take you some terrible place?
and good luck teaching them to be good and expect no reward

Seriously? I'm agnostic, and teach my kids to be good b/c its the right thing to do....

You don't need a reward in this life or any other to learn morals and values- its the right thing.

[Anonymous]

oh please... so you all don't do time outs and stickers/charts???? liars!

[Anonymous]

Grownups are thankfully capable of a higher plane of moral reasoning. Lets hope your God isn't the only thing keeping you from going on a murderous spree.

[Anonymous]

I'm an athiest but we wanted some kind of structure and support for teaching our children ethics and morals. We went with Unitarian and it's been great.

My DH believes in God so he found something there, but it's not dogmatic and you can believe what you want.

[Anonymous]

PP, which Unitarian church do you recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grownups are thankfully capable of a higher plane of moral reasoning. Lets hope your God isn't the only thing keeping you from going on a murderous spree.

So why do people want to do "the right thing"? Just for the sake of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, atheists have the lowest murder rate.

Atheists also tend to be more highly educated, and higher-income, then the rest of the population. Both of which are negatively correlated with violent crime, so this really isn't surprising.

Then, think about Lenin, Mao, Pol Pot.

My point is not that atheists are worse than believers. Just that we're all of us equally human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grownups are thankfully capable of a higher plane of moral reasoning. Lets hope your God isn't the only thing keeping you from going on a murderous spree.

So why do people want to do "the right thing"? Just for the sake of it?

Yes. And to like who I am as a person.

[Anonymous]

AdequateParent wrote:For me, it's about getting down to the specifics-- what does "ethical" mean? What does "moral" mean? In the ultra-religious household where I was raised, "there are no ethics without god" was a common refrain, yet in my entire religious education, I don't recall a single instance where I was told to be good to other people. Rather, I was taught that the path to righteousness was through a series of rituals that wise rabbis (all men) had interpreted to be associated with a higher ethic. It was not instructive at all, and my family's values apart from the religious community were hard to discern.

Starting fresh without an organized religion was not, therefore, particularly daunting to me. I figure that if I give my daughter a sense of what "moral" boils down to, she is ahead of what I got. So here goes:

--Do not do anything to another person that you would not like done to you, or see happen to your friend (the golden rule, the gold standard).
How? We talk about the bad things she says, the good things she says, the bad things that are said to her or that she hears from others. Sometimes we role play these scenes.
--Think about the consequences of your actions before acting.
How? We role play. We talk about something that just happened or that happened that day. We talk about a character in a movie.
--Remember that you are no better than anyone else.
How? We talk about children.
--Remember that you are fortunate. Corollary: you did not earn the many things you have, such as a comfortable home and a nice school. You did not do anything that the poor child in your school didn't do, yet you have something different. Be humble about the differences that seem to raise you above him.
How? This is a lesson that comes so easily every day in a city where some have a home and a car and a nice dog who gets to go to the doctor when he's sick, and some who can't even go to the doctor themselves.
--Root for whomever is playing the Yankees.
How? This one is already ingrained. We are allowed to love Mariano Rivera though.
--Discipline yourself to do something for another person. Consider the value of giving a gift, doing a favor, saying a kind word. Work to learn to love these things, for they are gifts in themselves.
How? She's not allowed to enjoy a gift until the thank you note is written. She helps cook dinner and select things that the adults might like. She has internalized this one and asks to write get well cards and give presents; she just made a gorgeous get well card for Dustin Pedroia. I am so proud.
--Make a list of the things that you are thankful for. Read it, recite it, enlarge it, and study it at least once per week.
How? That's self-executing.
--Know that consequences are final.
My proudest moment: she lost dessert for a week because she repeated a swear word after I warned her of the consequences. Five days in, we dropped her off at a birthday party where she didn't like the food (she's a vegetarian), and I asked her if she at least had birthday cake. She said no, she wasn't allowed to have dessert until Tuesday.
--Respect other people's belief systems; we should be humble about what we know and understand, because it's a big world with many wise people in it.
How? We discuss different religions. We talk about Christianity when we go past the church on our street. Last night we discussed what saints are and what they do. We have talked about hating all Muslims for what a few have done, and how we would feel if someone hated us. We spend time with people of faith and learn what they have to say. We discuss and try the concept of prayer.
--Above all, value people and living things above anything that you might own or want.
How? We do our best to live in love and respect.

It might not be the right path at the end of the day, but it has more clarity than what I got growing up, and best of all I am learning from it too.

Peace

Very well said Adequate Parent. Though I did grow up in a Yankees household.

[Anonymous]

To PP who wanted info on Unitarian church:

There are a lot of them in the area. We go to Cedar Lane -- it's a big church and has an extensive religious education (ie Sunday school) program, a big choir and a children's choir, etc. There's a lot of emphasis on environmental responsibility and social issues. however, people there tend to be quite well off and almost exclusively white. And the minister there is fairly dry and cerebral -- I happen to like that, but not everyone does.

Silver Spring Unitarian is much smaller and more middle class -- I hear it's a very friendly environment.

All Souls in DC is much more diverse, with an extremely vibrant music program. I would go there if the parking on Sundays weren't so horrible, and it's kind of a haul from my house.

There are many others: River Road in Bethesda, Adelphi, and several in Virginia that I don't know much about.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Adequate Parent. Nicely put.

[Anonymous]

OP, my only concern about Unitarians is that from my limited experience they are a bit to the left. I am agnostic (haven't given it enough thought to say athiest) and I was raised that way. But the UU bug me b/c too liberal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a troll. Why would you think that?

We can choose to do whatever we want. Only religion restricts what people can do.

Definitely a troll. This is practically a word-for-word recitation of anti-atheist talking-points. "Why, without religion, there would be no restrictions on what people can do!!!"

PP: are you telling us the only reason you haven't killed your aging parents and taken your inheritance is that God told you not to? What kind of morally stunted psychopath are you?

Meanwhile, OP: you might get a copy of "Parenting Beyond Belief" which is a compilation of essays on just this topic.