“Aren’t you lonely?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is an unusual comment to make, not to mention 3 times. Are you, in fact, lonely?

It’s sounding like you are. It’s rude for them to ask that and not suggest how you can connect with others.

As to what prompts them to say this—you haven’t described the circumstance—how long is the chat before they make that remark? Maybe you said your DH works long hours? Maybe your energy? Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ll get that remark or are lonely.

I would say I am often alone to recharge, but not lonely. Two of the people asked about loneliness, one person volunteered that they are lonely… but then never spoke to me again! I don’t see any other factors besides these, which are not unusual IMO - no family nearby, only one child, I stay at home and yes I’m an introvert. Husband doesn’t work weird hours and doesn’t travel for work. In fact he often WFM on Fridays. I would say I am active, I take classes, go to the gym, and am part of a volunteer group.

[Anonymous]

You should reach out to that lady who said she was lonely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an unusual comment to make, not to mention 3 times. Are you, in fact, lonely?

It’s sounding like you are. It’s rude for them to ask that and not suggest how you can connect with others.

As to what prompts them to say this—you haven’t described the circumstance—how long is the chat before they make that remark? Maybe you said your DH works long hours? Maybe your energy? Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ll get that remark or are lonely.

I would say I am often alone to recharge, but not lonely. Two of the people asked about loneliness, one person volunteered that they are lonely… but then never spoke to me again! I don’t see any other factors besides these, which are not unusual IMO - no family nearby, only one child, I stay at home and yes I’m an introvert. Husband doesn’t work weird hours and doesn’t travel for work. In fact he often WFM on Fridays. I would say I am active, I take classes, go to the gym, and am part of a volunteer group.

Maybe it’s like you suggested: most people work where you are and you’re SAH; most have more than one child and you have one. It can be hard for them to understand your life and they may think they would be lonely in your situation.

Still, that comment multiple times is odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an unusual comment to make, not to mention 3 times. Are you, in fact, lonely?

It’s sounding like you are. It’s rude for them to ask that and not suggest how you can connect with others.

As to what prompts them to say this—you haven’t described the circumstance—how long is the chat before they make that remark? Maybe you said your DH works long hours? Maybe your energy? Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ll get that remark or are lonely.

I would say I am often alone to recharge, but not lonely. Two of the people asked about loneliness, one person volunteered that they are lonely… but then never spoke to me again! I don’t see any other factors besides these, which are not unusual IMO - no family nearby, only one child, I stay at home and yes I’m an introvert. Husband doesn’t work weird hours and doesn’t travel for work. In fact he often WFM on Fridays. I would say I am active, I take classes, go to the gym, and am part of a volunteer group.

Maybe it’s like you suggested: most people work where you are and you’re SAH; most have more than one child and you have one. It can be hard for them to understand your life and they may think they would be lonely in your situation.

Still, that comment multiple times is odd.

I agree it’s odd and I want to know if it’s me or them!

[Anonymous]

My thought is that if people didn’t like you (ie thought you were weird and lonely) they wouldn’t take you up on the offer to stay and chat for an hour or more.

Perhaps they are the lonely ones and are projecting onto you as most people are not as lovely as you to invite strangers to sit and chat while the kids play. Most people are afraid of connection and judgement.

And the one who shared that she is lonely is embarassed because she over shared so now she’s ghosting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with multiple kids don't need playdates and aren't lonely. They're very busy and their kids have each other. I've never been asked that, and I'd never ask someone that. But, I'm also not asking someone to stick around for a playdate and I'm definitely not sticking around for a playdate. Drop off only.

I haven’t asked anyone to hang around, but the first invite I always say something like “You’re welcome to stay or drop off, whatever you are comfortable with” and most people opt to stay for an hour or the whole time. I just don’t know what it is about me leading people one step up from strangers to ask me if I’m lonely.

Your kids must be 5 or under

Kindergarten. And nobody knows us because we are among a handful of newer people at the school, so I understand people wanting to stay.

Totally normal for parents to stay during K playdates. We've done it both ways. Parents are interested in getting to know each other too.

Are they asking bc your kid is now gone at school for longer hours than your earlier preschool schedule? It may be a benign attempt at conversation.

Ppl may not know what to talk about with a SAHM if its most WOHMs in the school. It's not that we talk about the details of our jobs but there is a "life is chaos" MO that a SAHM of one school age kids just doesn't have.

[Anonymous]

Next time just say: why do you ask?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they meant are you lonely now that your kid is in school, since you sah and presumably your kid was with you more prior to k.

[Anonymous]

I have one child too and we have plenty of playdates. I offer to let people stay or drop off. One kid wanted his mom to stay for a bit (first visit), but after 20 minutes she said she was leaving and he was fine. Most just drop their kid off.

These are all parents and families I know, have seen a bunch at school and outside of school. We also have neighbors and we go from house to house or play outside.

There have been a few people who don't reciprocate, but people are busy and certain people don't want people/extra kids in their house. I had one family ask me if I wanted to drop my kid off at a park, and another who doesn't always reciprocate, but has my kid over occasionally. If you want more interaction take your child to local playgrounds.

It does get to be a lot when you're the one always hosting play dates, but then I put a time limit on it. Don't say you'll reciprocate and then don't. One mom kept promising my child to reciprocate but never has done it. The worst time was when she said he could come over on a weekend date and a certain time and texted me 20 minutes before to cancel. So I stopped having her child over and just see them at the playground. My SIL has 3 kids and never has playdates. The kids go to activities, play with each other, and will occasionally play with neighbors. If she lived close, we would have play dates together, but we are family.

Someone asked me if I was lonely once because my husband travels a lot for work and I said no. I am not lonely. Some people care and others don't understand people who are not just like them.

[Anonymous]

I'm very cautious about prying or asking something like are you lonely. Yet multiple people are asking you this. Take an honest look at what you are communicating - words, tone, and body language - bc it's making people ask this pretty strange question for a playdate. I could be totally off base and the people you are hanging with are weird, but start with yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing they are just making conversation, trying to connect with you. People in your situation are often lonely - maybe they themselves are!

I am also a parent of an only, although not SAHM. Sometimes people with more kids are weird about the only child thing.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be too concerned, I feel like they are just trying to connect with you. If you feel it is something you are giving off, then think about that & if you are lonely/want to change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they meant are you lonely now that your kid is in school, since you sah and presumably your kid was with you more prior to k.

This is the most likely answer.

I'm surprised at how many people have said that they drop their kid off with strangers for play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an unusual comment to make, not to mention 3 times. Are you, in fact, lonely?

It’s sounding like you are. It’s rude for them to ask that and not suggest how you can connect with others.

As to what prompts them to say this—you haven’t described the circumstance—how long is the chat before they make that remark? Maybe you said your DH works long hours? Maybe your energy? Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ll get that remark or are lonely.

I would say I am often alone to recharge, but not lonely. Two of the people asked about loneliness, one person volunteered that they are lonely… but then never spoke to me again! I don’t see any other factors besides these, which are not unusual IMO - no family nearby, only one child, I stay at home and yes I’m an introvert. Husband doesn’t work weird hours and doesn’t travel for work. In fact he often WFM on Fridays. I would say I am active, I take classes, go to the gym, and am part of a volunteer group.

Maybe it’s like you suggested: most people work where you are and you’re SAH; most have more than one child and you have one. It can be hard for them to understand your life and they may think they would be lonely in your situation.

Still, that comment multiple times is odd.

I agree it’s odd and I want to know if it’s me or them!

Most of us don’t have time to ruminate about stuff like this. You do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an unusual comment to make, not to mention 3 times. Are you, in fact, lonely?

It’s sounding like you are. It’s rude for them to ask that and not suggest how you can connect with others.

As to what prompts them to say this—you haven’t described the circumstance—how long is the chat before they make that remark? Maybe you said your DH works long hours? Maybe your energy? Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ll get that remark or are lonely.

I would say I am often alone to recharge, but not lonely. Two of the people asked about loneliness, one person volunteered that they are lonely… but then never spoke to me again! I don’t see any other factors besides these, which are not unusual IMO - no family nearby, only one child, I stay at home and yes I’m an introvert. Husband doesn’t work weird hours and doesn’t travel for work. In fact he often WFM on Fridays. I would say I am active, I take classes, go to the gym, and am part of a volunteer group.

Maybe it’s like you suggested: most people work where you are and you’re SAH; most have more than one child and you have one. It can be hard for them to understand your life and they may think they would be lonely in your situation.

Still, that comment multiple times is odd.

I agree it’s odd and I want to know if it’s me or them!

Most of us don’t have time to ruminate about stuff like this. You do.

If you dont have a moment in life to think, I feel bad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an unusual comment to make, not to mention 3 times. Are you, in fact, lonely?

It’s sounding like you are. It’s rude for them to ask that and not suggest how you can connect with others.

As to what prompts them to say this—you haven’t described the circumstance—how long is the chat before they make that remark? Maybe you said your DH works long hours? Maybe your energy? Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ll get that remark or are lonely.

I would say I am often alone to recharge, but not lonely. Two of the people asked about loneliness, one person volunteered that they are lonely… but then never spoke to me again! I don’t see any other factors besides these, which are not unusual IMO - no family nearby, only one child, I stay at home and yes I’m an introvert. Husband doesn’t work weird hours and doesn’t travel for work. In fact he often WFM on Fridays. I would say I am active, I take classes, go to the gym, and am part of a volunteer group.

Maybe it’s like you suggested: most people work where you are and you’re SAH; most have more than one child and you have one. It can be hard for them to understand your life and they may think they would be lonely in your situation.

Still, that comment multiple times is odd.

I agree it’s odd and I want to know if it’s me or them!

Most of us don’t have time to ruminate about stuff like this. You do.

If you dont have a moment in life to think, I feel bad for you.

Thinking and ruminating about offhand comments from people I barely know are very different. This is textbook anxiety OP.