For Grandparents

[Anonymous]

The grandparents I know are generally supportive. They realize the world has changed dramatically and aren't in a position to offer the best advice.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why everyone's attacking you. DS has gotten nothing but grief from his grandparents about his acceptances, because they think he can do better. I wish they'd sit back and shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please stop projecting your own insecurities onto your children and causing more problems with your own parents but obsessing over college admissions and assuming that we grandparents give even the slightest shit about where our grandkids go to college. We will love and be proud of them regardless, because we have been around long enough to know that where they end up won’t matter in the end. You, on the other hand, need to get over your disappointment and stop dragging your kids down with you.

Throughout this process, my parents told DS that he was behind in his planning; choosing the "wrong" schools; and not doing as well as his cousin, who is also applying.

My parents told me that I needed to force him to apply to certain schools (where he had no shot or interest) and to tell him to reorder his priorities.

They spoke of nothing with him besides the college search and we gave him permission to walk away once his attempts to redirect failed. We shut them out. We will do the same for our younger two kids.

When DS chose a school. my mother said "Oh! No one here goes there! Why would you want to pick that one?" An hour later, she said congrats on being done, but she hopes he doesn't move to the midwest permanently.

Your mother/parents have just set the path to not seeing their grandkid much or ever in the future. Let your DS and others not see their GP if they choose.

I too had Grandparents who only talked about the "Golden grandkids", overlooking me and my sibling. IN reality, I was the rockstar. I was valedictorian with 4.0 and as many honors/AP courses offered. I was top musician (first chair all state for 3 years). Yet I had to listen to how my cousins were so great because they were first chair in their HS band (they lived in a town of 20K, it was not an amazing feat). They went to a LA college ranked 200+. I went to a T10 on scholarship and double majored in Engineering and Music (Top 5 Music school)

All it did was ensure when given the choice, I didn't care to spend time with my grandparents. Not worth wasting my time to be with someone who could only compare me to my "outstanding" cousins all the time. So I rarely saw them once I was an adult

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be this grandparent. I read college guides for fun in high school, worked as a tour guide in college, and even worked in a college admissions office briefly after graduation. I love thinking about best-fit and how the admissions landscape is changing. Right now I'm biting my tongue waiting to find out where my niece has gotten in and where she'll decide to go.

[Anonymous]

It’s bad enough that as parents our knowledge of the college application process is about 30 years out of date. For our parents, it’s 60 years out of date. It’s absolutely useless. My father kept telling my niece and nephew they would get into all the ivies because they were SO smart. Which made it sting all the more when obviously they didn’t because it’s 2024.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s bad enough that as parents our knowledge of the college application process is about 30 years out of date. For our parents, it’s 60 years out of date. It’s absolutely useless. My father kept telling my niece and nephew they would get into all the ivies because they were SO smart. Which made it sting all the more when obviously they didn’t because it’s 2024.

Exactly. And in another 10 years it will be vastly different again. Nothing lasts forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s bad enough that as parents our knowledge of the college application process is about 30 years out of date. For our parents, it’s 60 years out of date. It’s absolutely useless. My father kept telling my niece and nephew they would get into all the ivies because they were SO smart. Which made it sting all the more when obviously they didn’t because it’s 2024.

Not only out of date, but they pass along heresy as if it’s true: So-and-so’s son got into XYZ on a full scholarship.

My in-laws are overflowing with stories from their friends’ grandchildren and cannot wait to share the stories with us. They absolutely think we are not serving our kids well and are disappointed we havent pushed harder. I do get a good laugh from it.