Difficult MIL dynamic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely fair to do holidays with your family alone. If she changes the dynamic of things, you're not getting quality time with your family.

I would alternate and be very clear in advance of this plan.

Your feelings matter too. If you say you "dread" the holidays, change the setup now. You deserve to enjoy holidays with your family also.

+1 You shouldn't have to do every holiday with your MIL in tow. Is your DH an only kid? if not, why is she not spending some time with her other kids?

[Anonymous]

To me, all holidays are not created equal. To me, Thanksgiving and Christmas are the big ones. After that, I wouldn't feel any guilty for not including her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely fair to do holidays with your family alone. If she changes the dynamic of things, you're not getting quality time with your family.

I would alternate and be very clear in advance of this plan.

Your feelings matter too. If you say you "dread" the holidays, change the setup now. You deserve to enjoy holidays with your family also.

+1 You shouldn't have to do every holiday with your MIL in tow. Is your DH an only kid? if not, why is she not spending some time with her other kids?

Yes - sorry I left that out. He is an only.

[Anonymous]

I am sick and tired of grown ups looking at their childhood and critiquing their parents' parenting skills and coming up with some stupid label to suggest that they were emotionally abused. Sounds like she was a singe mom doing her best, and now she's all alone. If she's not nice to you, then OK, I get it. Cut her loose for the holidays. But if she is and you are just annoyed by her for some reason, then putting up with annoying family members is part of the holidays. I would be so devastated if my son didn't spend the holidays with me because I annoyed his wife, even when I was trying hard to get along and be nice, and was even willing to travel to her family's place. Are you not parents yet? I hope your children don't judge you as harshly as you and DH are judging his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick and tired of grown ups looking at their childhood and critiquing their parents' parenting skills and coming up with some stupid label to suggest that they were emotionally abused. Sounds like she was a singe mom doing her best, and now she's all alone. If she's not nice to you, then OK, I get it. Cut her loose for the holidays. But if she is and you are just annoyed by her for some reason, then putting up with annoying family members is part of the holidays. I would be so devastated if my son didn't spend the holidays with me because I annoyed his wife, even when I was trying hard to get along and be nice, and was even willing to travel to her family's place. Are you not parents yet? I hope your children don't judge you as harshly as you and DH are judging his mom.

Where did OP label her MIL as “abusive”? I missed that. I do agree w you on this: if OP’s MIL is abusive/unkind, cut her loose.