What to do about mother’s estate and greedy aunts?

[Anonymous]

Depending on the geography of where these aunts are, one possible solution would be to get on of those pods -- load it up with all the crap and haul it to one of their houses and then they can take whatever amount of time they want but they'll need to keep paying for that pod.

You could split the cost of the initial fees and first month and then it's on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure all the things you want are clearly labeled or put in a designated area marked with your name. Then do as you suggest—name a date when your aunts can come over together and go through everything and take what they want. When you set this up, let them know that they can coordinate amongst themselves to reach agreement on who gets what.

It might be hard for them to take the things away that same day, since they don’t necessarily know what furniture or other items to plan for. So tell them that if they don’t come and take the things the following weekend, then everything that’s still in the house is going to be donated, since you’re clearing the house a couple days later. Say you’re sure they understand how painful the whole process is for you and you’re grateful for their cooperation and happy your mother’s things will go to people who care about her. (Say all this whether it’s true or not.)

This is all great advice. Set boundaries and dates and hold do them. If they freak out that's fine. You gave them a chance.

[Anonymous]

Take what you want, then give everything out via the will, then offer the rest via pictures and then an estate sale. Wait till your mom passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take what you want, then give everything out via the will, then offer the rest via pictures and then an estate sale. Wait till your mom passes.

Thanks, but I am definitely not wasting money on an estate sale for all of her worn furniture from the early aughts. It’s truly trash, only the kind my aunts will fight over!

[Anonymous]

I guess from my perspective your mom isn't dead yet so you have some time right before she dies, maybe 1-2 weeks? If so, agree with the advice to set aside the items from the will and whatever you might want, if anything. That shouldn't take too long to do, then after your mom dies give them like 2-3 weeks to take what they want and get it out. Maybe plan on having junk haulers come for the rest 2-3 weeks after that.

I mean it's not like you can sell the house instantly, you still have to go through the probate process so while I get not dragging it out there is some time. I think you just need to come up with a reasonable schedule and hold firm on it.

[Anonymous]

Turn it into a game and make it fun for yourself, OP. Give them a designated amount of time - say 30 minutes or so - for them to run around your mother's house grabbing anything they want. Make them responsible for hauling it all away.

[Anonymous]

What you should be working on now is how to hold yourself to be accountable to any and all deadlines you set. If you give them until May 20th to take whatever they want, then right away make arrangements for the junk hauler to come on May 21. Decide now that you are not answering any of their calls and letting them go to voicemail so that you can respond when you’re ready to respond. Think about the various ways you want to communicate the deadlines to them and how you will allow access to the house, ie “I will have the house open from 8am to 8pm on Friday and Saturday.” Then kick everyone out at 7:50pm and lock the door behind you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. You give them what's in the will.

2. Then you secure the things you want for yourself, that you are entitled to under the terms of the will.

3. Finally, you bring people in to choose additional items at their leisure. This will lead to fights, maybe, but at least you'll have made the gesture.

Not at their leisure. A set date and time, and all items they want must leave with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take out what you want to keep. That way they won’t even have a chance to lay their eyes on it. And then I think giving them a day to come in and take that same day is a good idea. Honestly it may lighten your load of what you have to clear out of the house.

+1. But only let them in after you’ve taken what you want, and have distributed the items named in the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a trusted friend who could watch the house? I know an aunt who ransacked and grabbed the best stuff when everyone else was busy with the patient. If you are the exécuter stay in control of things.

Do not drag a friend into this. How many middle age people do you know who have endless free time to deal with someone else's family drama?

I would follow will. Then, once that stuff is given out, maybe give the option of the aunts may look at the rest and take what they want, but they must dispose of the rest on their own or hire and give a date it needs to be done by.

[Anonymous]

OP needs an estate liquidation service. They will put all the items off to one side as they empty the house. The aunts can pick through it. But then the liquidation service takes everything away. It will force quick decisions.

[Anonymous]

This is a situation where home organizers and very helpful especially if you need to sell the home from far away. Is your Mom in the DC area?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with using1 800 junk. You will need them anyway at the end, if you have them handle a little more, it is fine, too.

Perfect distribution takes time and energy you may not want to devote to this process.

Concentrate on yourself and your mom now. The aunts don’t warrant your mental space when you may be emotionally on empty right now.

I rushed through my mom’s stuff to avoid pain. Was that necessary? No. Do I wish Igaddone it differently? Also no.

[Anonymous]

You would rather donate or throw things away than let family who want them have them? That's incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

If you have power of attorney, change the locks.