Moving with elementary aged kids

[Anonymous]

Move sooner rather than later. The year the oldest is going into middle school would be ideal for social reasons.

[Anonymous]

Definitely worth it for us. We actually moved with kids in elementary, middle and high school! I definitely wouldn’t recommend it for high school for everyone, you really have to know you kid - but elementary is a breeze.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the responses, advice, and personal experiences.

For those asking about my husband, he is not opposed to leaving this area. He doesn't love it either, and he realizes we could be more comfortable in another area. Would my hometown be the ideal location to move for either of us? To be honest, probably not. I'd love to move to a place like charleston, but we'd be far from family and COL isn't any better. A move like that might have to be in our 2nd act.
But the perk of my hometwon is the COL, great public schools, grandparents near by, plus a community feel that you don't get here. We did explore a town closer to where my husband grew up (his parents have since moved, so that would not be a perk). But the public schools were not great, and we'd have to go private. We weren't against this, but we have a quirky kid with some learning disabilities and were worried the private school would not be a good fit. Plus, even with COL being less in his home town for three kids private school is still a significant expense. 

And I have friends that have moved back to my hometown, so I have first hand knowledge of how it is. BUT I do worry that I have "rose colored glasses" on. We wouldn't make the move till we fully explored.

Thank you for the comment about the quirky kid. I do worry about this. And is really the main driving force keeping us in this area. But our quirky kid also has a lot of needs (and a lot of emotions), and I wonder if having support from family would help all of our mental states.

And that's a lot to share on an anonymous forum!! But it's such a big decision, and I appreciate all the perspectives!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I fantasize about doing this too although I'm generally happy here.

The thing that stops me is that my oldest is very quirky. I guess I feel like people in suburbs value being "normal" or something, and people in small towns are less tolerant of differences.

I know I could be wrong, but I have this fear of dropping my quirky kid into a school with mini frat boys, and it not going well at all.

This was my experience when my parents did something similar. We moved from Wake County, NC where I had a solid base of nerdy friends like me, to a small town in NC where it was much harder to find those people. Eventually, I found friends, but it was a challenge and I never found people like the ones I left. We moved after seventh grade which was probably an especially hard time to do it, and I didn't really have any friends for a couple years (I remember the first time after we moved that I spent time with another kid outside of school was May of my 9th grade year). Now I'm a weirdo and wasn't really even okay at making friends until adulthood, but the experience definitely stuck with me. I don't plan to move our kid if I can help it.

[Anonymous]

Just know that no place will be perfect. Here isn't and your hometown won't be. So what? There are pros and cons to everywhere and it sounds like this may be the right move for you for a lot of reasons.

As far as kids go, the best school time to move is when they are in ES. After that it gets harder to break into friend groups and establish interests, get onto sports teams/into activities, blah blah blah...

We moved when my kids were going into K and 3rd and while my older DC was very nervous about it, it ended up being a very easy transition and she now (two years later) is so glad that we did because her QOL/access to friends and activities is much better in our new area.

[Anonymous]

I would think hard about the husband piece. Does he get along very well with your parents? Will your parents respect boundaries?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t done it yet but I am this summer. I’m decided against moving to my hometown for various reasons, the most important being that I would have to rely on my parents for childcare (youngest is in daycare still) and I don’t want to burden them. Smaller but still relevant reasons were the lack of diversity (kids are mixed race although they pass as white especially among white people) and lack of career options if I want to leave my current job which is fully remote. I instead chose a small city with lower cost of living that I know I like and that offers some unique opportunities for my family. It will be hard and scary (for me and the kids) to have to make new friends and not have any real support network in place but it will be an adventure. I’m hoping it will be a good fit, but we’re also renting at first so my comfort is that if we don’t like it we can always move again.

Anyway, I don’t gave any experience/advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone for seriously considering it.

[Anonymous]

We're doing it. Kids will be in 6th and 3rd grade. We stress about the 6th grader, but focus on what we are gaining (MS and HS we are more than happy with, proximity to a grandparents both kids adore, more money for college/vacations/activities, a more comfortable housing situation, etc.). Yes our kids have friends and there will be an adjustment period. But life is full of adjustment periods, and if we do this right, it should also help the kids gain some skills that will come in useful in the future when they will need to adjust to new things.

If your DH is on board, do it. I was ready to move before DH was, but once he decided he wanted to do it too, it all kind of came together. It's exciting. It's not like better COL, easier lifestyle, and proximity to family are these abstract ideas that may or may not improve your life. They will! There may absolutely be downsides, but the upsides are pretty clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses, advice, and personal experiences.

For those asking about my husband, he is not opposed to leaving this area. He doesn't love it either, and he realizes we could be more comfortable in another area. Would my hometown be the ideal location to move for either of us? To be honest, probably not. I'd love to move to a place like charleston, but we'd be far from family and COL isn't any better. A move like that might have to be in our 2nd act.
But the perk of my hometwon is the COL, great public schools, grandparents near by, plus a community feel that you don't get here. We did explore a town closer to where my husband grew up (his parents have since moved, so that would not be a perk). But the public schools were not great, and we'd have to go private. We weren't against this, but we have a quirky kid with some learning disabilities and were worried the private school would not be a good fit. Plus, even with COL being less in his home town for three kids private school is still a significant expense. 

And I have friends that have moved back to my hometown, so I have first hand knowledge of how it is. BUT I do worry that I have "rose colored glasses" on. We wouldn't make the move till we fully explored.

Thank you for the comment about the quirky kid. I do worry about this. And is really the main driving force keeping us in this area. But our quirky kid also has a lot of needs (and a lot of emotions), and I wonder if having support from family would help all of our mental states.

And that's a lot to share on an anonymous forum!! But it's such a big decision, and I appreciate all the perspectives!!

I’m a PP who moved to a place that sounds just like your hometown. I think you should do it, especially if you have friends there in addition to family. I also find that kids are more accepting of quirkiness all over these days and there are probably lots of enrichment opportunities for your kid there too. This has been our experience. It seems like the move would be way better for you and the benefits far outweigh the negatives. You can always move back if you miss the DC area!

[Anonymous]

We moved a couple of times when our kids were in ES and it worked out fine. Until they get into MS or above mom and dad are still the center of their universe. We always made new friends as did our kids. We moved for business reasons, not because we didn't like where we lived.

[Anonymous]

Recently did this. DH and I were both in DC since we graduated college and we just moved to Texas in our mid 30s with a 3 and 1 year old..

Overall, we are so, so happy. There is SO much more vibrance here than in DC. People are way more social and there is such a sense of community in every entity -- the social things for parents at our kids preschool are non stop and well attended, the church is packed with young families every sunday and they have amazing free things like VBS and parents mornings outs that are packed with kids, everything is five minutes away if not walkable/bikable, sports leagues are a blast. Cost of living doesn't seem that much better here but we're in an expensive neighborhood. But the public schools are great and, of course, free. Overall it seems like a more normal, all-American childhood for our kids, which we love. We are generally happier -- I think both DH and I didn't realize how often we felt depressed in DC, either from the winters or the lack of social interraction, especially post-pandemic.

There are cons, though. The people here are super friendly but cheesy. Very bible belt. I miss the vibe of people on the East Coast. Also, you can't make old friends, and I really miss our friends in DC (though we are making new ones here, it just takes time). I also miss the beauty of DC and the east coast. Texas (where we are) is not pretty and has no nature.

Our kids are little but they haven't missed a beat. Yours will notice this move for sure (i moved as a kid several times so I know), but they will ultimatly be fine, especially if the move is good for the whole family.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It's a crap shoot really. It could work out really well or not. The only thing that would be my concern is are there kids close by for my kids? The whole neighborhood scene is very important to me, as well as proximity to family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I fantasize about doing this too although I'm generally happy here.

The thing that stops me is that my oldest is very quirky. I guess I feel like people in suburbs value being "normal" or something, and people in small towns are less tolerant of differences.

I know I could be wrong, but I have this fear of dropping my quirky kid into a school with mini frat boys, and it not going well at all.

This was my experience when my parents did something similar. We moved from Wake County, NC where I had a solid base of nerdy friends like me, to a small town in NC where it was much harder to find those people. Eventually, I found friends, but it was a challenge and I never found people like the ones I left. We moved after seventh grade which was probably an especially hard time to do it, and I didn't really have any friends for a couple years (I remember the first time after we moved that I spent time with another kid outside of school was May of my 9th grade year). Now I'm a weirdo and wasn't really even okay at making friends until adulthood, but the experience definitely stuck with me. I don't plan to move our kid if I can help it.

Counterpoint: I grew up in a small town and was (and still am) weird. I liked it — it was easy to find your people because there were so few people overall that you quickly learned who all the other nerds were and got along with them. My middle school experience sucked in some ways but I made lifelong friends there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think hard about the husband piece. Does he get along very well with your parents? Will your parents respect boundaries?

+1

Moving back to my SIL's hometown was the final straw for my brother's marriage.