Do you share full report card with your early elementary kid

[Anonymous]

I would share the full report card only if I thought that the criticism was warranted.

My DS is high achieving NT, Indian-American, UMC kid from a loving, intact, functional family.
Which means that we are pretty much on our own time/dime to get his advanced academic and EC needs met. The teachers cannot comprehend his advanced capabilities and feel that he is being pressurized by us to do well. They are focussed on getting him to "take it easy". So there is nothing much in the academics section that we pay attention to. The praise is also highly accusatory. "Larlo excels in education and wants more homework - this may cause burnout and mental fatigue in the future".

Now, on the flip side of the coin, most teachers have very little patience with any behavioral issues from Indian-Americans. They are more likely to take a lot of crap behavior from any other non-Indian. Blacks, Whites, Hispanics - all sins are pardoned.

So, mostly I coach my kids at home in terms of the appropriate behavior and interaction at school, playdates, EC activities, social situations etc, and make him aware of the biases of the teachers and how to navigate it. What does not kill you makes you stronger. They are also taught to be stealth overachievers and not share their achievements with others because it leads to jealousies.

If the report card is not factual, I don't share it. Sometimes there are some useful and constructive information and that is stuff that I share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds7’s report card has a long narrative and number ratings across all sorts of things. I’m conflicted - I think on one hand sharing it with him would be both validating and motivating to improve, on other hand I’m not sure hearing things like “extremely talented in xyz” or “needs to work on not interrupting and respecting learning process of others” is great (versus me giving high level but not showing him actual numbers and reading exact words)

Seems to me your kid should absolutely hear that...

I show my kids their entire report card and always have. It's the teacher's way of communicating. Why wouldn't you want your kid hearing that?

I tell him the themes either way "teachers say you have real strengths and are working hard in abc and are working with you to change xyz"

Its more whether I let him see the number ratings. I worry both from the positives (they praise his academic abilities a ton which are very strong but I don't want him thinking of himself as a static "smart" or good at something in a fixed way) and the negatives (they're already working with him on the things....is it helpful to see that every specials teacher rated him as a 2 instead of a 1 in "always stays on tasks and follows directions" or is that just too much when everyone is already working on it with him.

[Anonymous]

I share the full report card and all assessments with my 1st and 3rd graders.

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised that so many people hide all or most of the report card and comments from their kid, but I guess I shouldn't be. Why wouldn't you share the teacher's assessment of your child's classroom behaviors and academic achievement? In fact, a lot of the report cards I've seen include some narrative addressed directly to the student.

[Anonymous]

We have three kids in kindergarten through 4th grade and we don’t share the report card at all with them. I mention that it came, and then talk through anything that I have a question about (mostly projects mentioned in the narrative section).

Being a good student/getting good grades is a skill, and at young ages, I want my kids to focus on learning, not on being a good student. They do need to learn to be a good student if they want to get into a competitive college, but I’m not worried about that in early ES.

I am paying close attention to their progress on reading, writing, math, etc. The report cards have so far reflected how I think they are doing, including areas of weakness. It is good to get the corroboration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that so many people hide all or most of the report card and comments from their kid, but I guess I shouldn't be. Why wouldn't you share the teacher's assessment of your child's classroom behaviors and academic achievement? In fact, a lot of the report cards I've seen include some narrative addressed directly to the student.

I haven't seen a report card that warrants that. At least not by 3rd grade. The feedback is generally pretty vague, "Larlo has a great quarter" and some generalities about math and reading. It's not our plan to always keep grades from our kids, but in early elementary, I don't see much purpose. What do you expect a 1st or 2nd grader to do with the information?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that so many people hide all or most of the report card and comments from their kid, but I guess I shouldn't be. Why wouldn't you share the teacher's assessment of your child's classroom behaviors and academic achievement? In fact, a lot of the report cards I've seen include some narrative addressed directly to the student.

I don't want my kid (7, second grade) focused on her grades at this age (we don't get comments). I want my kid focused on effort, not outcome. If her grades are good, I don't want her slacking off and if her grades are bad, I don't want her getting discouraged if she's putting in the effort. Early elementary grades are mostly meaningless anyway.

I share with her broad strokes of how she's doing when I see it as appropriate. She's good at math but seems to have some anxiety around it, so I encourage her to remember that she's good at math for example, but that's all more nuanced and involved than just handing her her report card to read.

[Anonymous]

Do you all share comments from conferences or not?

“Mrs Larlo is going to talk to you today Mom”
“Yep”

“Did you talk to Mrs Larlo??”
“Yep”

I’m just finding this to be a weird consensus opinion on the board. What about pediatrician appointments? Do you hide all their health info from them too? Dental?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that so many people hide all or most of the report card and comments from their kid, but I guess I shouldn't be. Why wouldn't you share the teacher's assessment of your child's classroom behaviors and academic achievement? In fact, a lot of the report cards I've seen include some narrative addressed directly to the student.

I remember the teacher handing them to us kids and it was on us to give it to our parents! I can't imagine not seeing my own report card.

[Anonymous]

We share it, review and discuss. DS is in 5th and is very aware of how he does (which is mostly well). But when we first started sharing in 1st grade, I started with showing him my annual review so he could see that adults get "report cards" as well. I wanted him to know that we all have things we need to work on. We have continued doing that and linking the two reports. It has worked well for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds7’s report card has a long narrative and number ratings across all sorts of things. I’m conflicted - I think on one hand sharing it with him would be both validating and motivating to improve, on other hand I’m not sure hearing things like “extremely talented in xyz” or “needs to work on not interrupting and respecting learning process of others” is great (versus me giving high level but not showing him actual numbers and reading exact words)

Modern report cards that follow best practices are, in my opinion, very long and technical. So much so, that I feel they have diminished value.

When my elementary PTA had a parent vote on older, shorter format vs. a two-page standards-based report card, I voted for the shorter one (but my preference lost and we got the fancier one). For my kids, who mostly got 3s with some 4s (well above grade level) and some 2s (developing), the feedback was barely actionable although quite a lot of work for teachers to prepare. As an MBA whose mom has an Ivy Master's in Early Childhood Development, I know what the school is trying to do but I don't think it's working. I also have issues with the IB 1-8 grades that my middle school and high school try to implement.

For my elementary schoolers, I gave them a quick topline with some praise then asked questions about any 2s. They had no more interest in reading the report card than a phone book. The format was ratings overkill. I also think these formats are harder for less educated parents to understand because of how the rubrics are worded in education industry professional jargon.

[Anonymous]

We don’t. Our school’s “grading” is highly subjective. Even the teachers say so. Alot of teachers start kids at a lower grade (scale of 1-4) early in the year and a higher grade later to show progress. It would be discouraging to my kids to see a “low” grade. We encourage effort and work regardless of how they’re doing. And if they have an area that needs extra attention, they know it well before report cards are out.

When they get older and have actual grades, we will share them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re at a private where there is extensive written feedback in addition to number grades and citizenship ratings. I only share the negative. My child is 9 and that’s all he’s ever gotten from me. I don’t need him bragging to friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would share the full report card only if I thought that the criticism was warranted.

My DS is high achieving NT, Indian-American, UMC kid from a loving, intact, functional family.
Which means that we are pretty much on our own time/dime to get his advanced academic and EC needs met. The teachers cannot comprehend his advanced capabilities and feel that he is being pressurized by us to do well. They are focussed on getting him to "take it easy". So there is nothing much in the academics section that we pay attention to. The praise is also highly accusatory. "Larlo excels in education and wants more homework - this may cause burnout and mental fatigue in the future".

Now, on the flip side of the coin, most teachers have very little patience with any behavioral issues from Indian-Americans. They are more likely to take a lot of crap behavior from any other non-Indian. Blacks, Whites, Hispanics - all sins are pardoned.

So, mostly I coach my kids at home in terms of the appropriate behavior and interaction at school, playdates, EC activities, social situations etc, and make him aware of the biases of the teachers and how to navigate it. What does not kill you makes you stronger. They are also taught to be stealth overachievers and not share their achievements with others because it leads to jealousies.

If the report card is not factual, I don't share it. Sometimes there are some useful and constructive information and that is stuff that I share.

You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

I have a twice exceptional student- severe ADHD and giftedness. They hear regularly about their struggles so I have no issue with them also knowing they got straight As again. My younger child is in k and doesn’t seem to have any awareness of report cards yet and conferences were all positive so we just told him the teacher said he’s doing really well.