How do you know when a friendship isn't for you any more?

[Anonymous]

If a person gives me more negative feelings than positive ones then it’s time to back out of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I called it a friend break up. Via text.

Not a long one.
Then I didn’t have to “not respond” or not pick up the phone. It was clear.

I rationalized it as “why should I only break up with and provide a reason to romantic partners?” A guy I told this too thought it was odd that I felt I needed to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering what other people see as signs that a person perhaps isn't a good person and gives you pause about being their friend. I have a married female friend who is on her second 'emotional affair' (plus some light petting) with another married individual. I could kind of grasp the first one, but this just seems sort of pathetic. Also, I'm friends with my friend's spouse. It all makes me uncomfortable.

This person is a drama queen. If you don’t like the drama or her stories, pick something else to do with your time.

[Anonymous]

“Ever since you started hanging out with X and sharing about that situation, I have not liked or enjoyed our interactions. It’s just not fun for me to hear about that. It actually stirs up mixed feelings in me. I think I need a break.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Ever since you started hanging out with X and sharing about that situation, I have not liked or enjoyed our interactions. It’s just not fun for me to hear about that. It actually stirs up mixed feelings in me. I think I need a break.”

This is perfect! You are very good at this pp.

[Anonymous]

“At first I thought it was a phase for you. I admit I thought it was interesting and a little fascinating that you (fill in). But then I started to think about (personal pronoun) and feeling empathetic about (feeling/impact /verbs). I feel (impact on you). For that reason, I’m out.

[Anonymous]

I made it more generic above. I have walked into work meeting with scripts. It works.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I'm not a big fan of dramatic friendship breakups. People change. Maybe your friend will see the light. It's harder to resume a friendship after a "breakup." And sometimes these conversations go even worse than you imagine...

[Anonymous]

Ghosting friends ? Like you would an online date? How have you gotten out of the communications then?

[Anonymous]

So what if the conversations are hard? That is life. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable. You know it’s going to be uncomfortable. Put a timer on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if the conversations are hard? That is life. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable. You know it’s going to be uncomfortable. Put a timer on it!

There's no need to make people feel rejected, even if you don't agree with their decisions.

[Anonymous]

I had to end my relationship with my childhood best friend in my mid 20s. We had started taking different paths in life, but I'm loyal and was ready to support her through anything. Then, at her baby shower, I saw her exit her car smoking a menthol 100 cigarette. She looked at me and said her doctor told her it was ok to have 5 a day. I realized at that moment that I had lost respect for her and that was that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Ever since you started hanging out with X and sharing about that situation, I have not liked or enjoyed our interactions. It’s just not fun for me to hear about that. It actually stirs up mixed feelings in me. I think I need a break.”

The response would probably be “ok then I just won’t talk about that with you.”

But the damage is done in terms of feelings you have for the friend. They are hurting other people (it would be different if they were just hurting themselves).

What’s the script for “I don’t really respect what you are doing and it is impacting whether I want to be in a friendship with you”? (Maybe that’s it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I called it a friend break up. Via text.

Not a long one.
Then I didn’t have to “not respond” or not pick up the phone. It was clear.

I rationalized it as “why should I only break up with and provide a reason to romantic partners?” A guy I told this too thought it was odd that I felt I needed to do this.

Give us example of your break up text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to end my relationship with my childhood best friend in my mid 20s. We had started taking different paths in life, but I'm loyal and was ready to support her through anything. Then, at her baby shower, I saw her exit her car smoking a menthol 100 cigarette. She looked at me and said her doctor told her it was ok to have 5 a day. I realized at that moment that I had lost respect for her and that was that.

Yiiiikes. Did you do the slow fade? Or what?