Homework refusal

[Anonymous]

Our kid also totally refuses and a worksheet that would be 10 minutes ends up taking an hour plus. It's brutal.

We are working with a child psychologist for anxiety and we asked her thoughts on it. She says homework in elementary should only be for the practice of getting used to doing homework and we shouldn't push it. She says to set a timer for 20 minutes for homework. Whatever is accomplished in that time is the homework we do. Just let the teacher know you're using that approach and they can see what is being accomplished in 20 minutes. Timer really helps my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not into structure or rules at 6 years old? Yikes, you have a long road ahead.

+1 the homework is the least of your
Problems here.

[Anonymous]

I think the "habit" stuff is BS in very early elementary. There's no reason they can't learn the habit of homework in 3rd or 4th or any time. Homework should be for reinforcing the lesson: if the kid doesn't need reinforcement then it's harmless to skip.

I bet the teacher sends home some random worksheets because she has parents who complain if she doesn't. She will not care if your kid skips it.

[Anonymous]

I'll disagree with most on this. But I think structure and rules are important. I'd say, he comes home, has his snack, then it's homework until it is done. Yes, it's painful for you both when he resists. It may take a long time. But set up a good habit.

When kids are crushing it in school when they are older, we are so quick to describe them as "so smart" when their success is mostly coming from hard work. That's what's hard to come by. That's what's missing in so many kids.

Sorry to all who don't see it this way, but I would push it. Try to be as patient and loving as possible, but explain that some responsibility comes with going to school and this is your expectation.... or don't! It's your family, just sharing my perspective. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t force him to do homework, but I also wouldn’t let him use any screens. If he wants to not do homework, and run around outside, play do puzzles, help cook, etc. great. If he wants to just sit around on a iPad, no.

I see this frequently…kids don’t want to do anything that takes them away from their screens. If they kid never has a screen in the first place, they will be far more likely to do homework, reading with you or other academic-based work when you ask.

Same. We don’t do homework in ES, other than math on fourth and fifth grade. We play games (that contain math), read for fun, play outside, etc. Much more useful than forcing a worksheet and making a kid hate school - not worth it! Talk to the teacher if you feel bad bc I am sure she will say the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll disagree with most on this. But I think structure and rules are important. I'd say, he comes home, has his snack, then it's homework until it is done. Yes, it's painful for you both when he resists. It may take a long time. But set up a good habit.

When kids are crushing it in school when they are older, we are so quick to describe them as "so smart" when their success is mostly coming from hard work. That's what's hard to come by. That's what's missing in so many kids.

Sorry to all who don't see it this way, but I would push it. Try to be as patient and loving as possible, but explain that some responsibility comes with going to school and this is your expectation.... or don't! It's your family, just sharing my perspective. Good luck!

This makes no sense to me! Make the kid miserable now bc high school is hard? We don’t do ES homework and my kids had no trouble starting HW as they got older bc they understand that ninth grade isn’t kindergarten anymore.

We try to instill a love of learning rather than a resigned acceptance of boring busywork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid also totally refuses and a worksheet that would be 10 minutes ends up taking an hour plus. It's brutal.

We are working with a child psychologist for anxiety and we asked her thoughts on it. She says homework in elementary should only be for the practice of getting used to doing homework and we shouldn't push it. She says to set a timer for 20 minutes for homework. Whatever is accomplished in that time is the homework we do. Just let the teacher know you're using that approach and they can see what is being accomplished in 20 minutes. Timer really helps my kid

Same here, and thank you for the suggestion from your psychologist. That's a great idea. My second grader finds the math worksheets easy but tedious (they have to draw so, so many little dots...) and often she's just too tired after evening sports practice. Her first grade teacher used to send home advanced math homework for the kids that didn't need extra practice with the grade level material, but this year's teacher does not. I tried to suggest she does some advanced worksheets from a Singapore math workbook instead, and she insisted she had to do her homework from class. But then takes an hour to draw all of the little dots and finish what she could do mentally in five minutes. It's frustrating because DD is not one to push herself beyond grade level in math by doing extra work outside of class, but is clearly capable of doing more if she was given the instruction.

We have PT conferences in two weeks, and I'll talk to her teacher about it then. DD would need to hear from the teacher herself that she's allowed to do alternative math worksheets instead of homework, but TBD on what the teacher would think of that plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t force him to do homework, but I also wouldn’t let him use any screens. If he wants to not do homework, and run around outside, play do puzzles, help cook, etc. great. If he wants to just sit around on a iPad, no.

I see this frequently…kids don’t want to do anything that takes them away from their screens. If they kid never has a screen in the first place, they will be far more likely to do homework, reading with you or other academic-based work when you ask.

My ADHD kid had zero screens at age 6 and he still did what OP's son is doing. The homework refusal was a red flag for problems that increased with age. But like PPs said, some kids grow up and grow into homework.

OP for now, +1 you should keep your DS away from screens. With homework, communicate with the teacher, wait and watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Ontario where homework is generally not given to early elementary children. My kids are now in middle/high school and they are excelling. Homework at age 6 has absolutely no impact on how kids do later on. My husband is Scandinavian and academics don't even start until age 7. He has a PhD and is very successful professionally. I think you should just let your 6-year-old play and be a little kid, read every day, and forget about the worksheets.

+1

I would nicely tell the teacher that your family will not be participating in this. If they ask why or give you my trouble, send them some studies. Homework at this age is harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t force him to do homework, but I also wouldn’t let him use any screens. If he wants to not do homework, and run around outside, play do puzzles, help cook, etc. great. If he wants to just sit around on a iPad, no.

I see this frequently…kids don’t want to do anything that takes them away from their screens. If they kid never has a screen in the first place, they will be far more likely to do homework, reading with you or other academic-based work when you ask.

My ADHD kid had zero screens at age 6 and he still did what OP's son is doing. The homework refusal was a red flag for problems that increased with age. But like PPs said, some kids grow up and grow into homework.

OP for now, +1 you should keep your DS away from screens. With homework, communicate with the teacher, wait and watch.

When op mentioned “ taking away privileges is really hard to enforce” I am thinking she means screen time. Which is a problem and are likely used often to entertain her kid and keep them from whining

[Anonymous]

It’s hard in first grade but it gets easier in higher grades. 1st grade was our roughest year, but then DC took off like wildfire. Just keep at it, Op. Have patience!

[Anonymous]

Not doing homework is not an issue. Not doing the thing mom and dad told him to do is an issue. Some of my kids just do their homework without fuss; the one who already has to do an unpleasant daily medical thing that sometimes causes an hour of screaming we don’t even try, because our “make a kid do a thing they don’t want to” effort is reserved for stuff that actually matters. I told the teacher this and it was fine.

[Anonymous]

But you can’t back down in the face of a tantrum. Never negotiate with terrorists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not into structure or rules at 6 years old? Yikes, you have a long road ahead.

I agree. Some of the attitudes in this thread are concerning. My child is in G&T and finds school very easy, but she still has to do the light weekly homework, even though she could do it in her sleep. It's about teaching children how to cope with the minor inconvenience of temporary boredom. It also helps with her handwriting. I don't plan to raise a child who thinks she's too good for a worksheet. Geez it's not like they have to write a 10 page paper.

[Anonymous]

We do homework before screens at our house which makes things easier for motivation, but my kids don't have anxiety or adhd or any other disorders that would make homework doing a challenge.

I would try to figure out if it's the homework, the sitting down/focusing, or the rule following that is the issue. I think I would approach things differently depending on the root cause.