Homework refusal

[Anonymous]

My 6-year-old refuses to do the 5-10 minutes of homework a night. It's regular worksheet stuff. We're 100% sure he knows the material (because he talks about it at non-homework time, is reading just fine, etc.), but he's not really into structure and rules in general and prefers to work on his own projects. We know homework can be tedious and feel like BS, but we don't think 5-10 minutes is too much to ask, and plus it's a life skill to get yourself to do what you don't want to do.

We've tried lowering standards (ok, just sit down and do 20% of what is required), taking away privileges (exhausting for us to enforce), rewards (he gets the next installment of a story) to no avail.

He's generally strong-willed and somewhat scattered, but other than with homework, the range of cooperation/non-cooperation is within the range of what we deem acceptable.

What to do? TIA.

[Anonymous]

I live in Ontario where homework is generally not given to early elementary children. My kids are now in middle/high school and they are excelling. Homework at age 6 has absolutely no impact on how kids do later on. My husband is Scandinavian and academics don't even start until age 7. He has a PhD and is very successful professionally. I think you should just let your 6-year-old play and be a little kid, read every day, and forget about the worksheets.

[Anonymous]

Talk with the teacher. Our ES stopped giving homework with the pandemic but prior to that we had homework but it was not graded or anything. I would ask your child why he doesn’t want to do it. It may just be boring because he knows it. We didn’t worry about it until MS. Even now, HW is now graded but it’s hard to do well on tests if you haven’t done it.

[Anonymous]

There’s no chance I’d force my child to do homework before 5th grade. I’d tell the teacher you will continue to read and review with him the work done in class that she sends home (so I can praise his efforts). I also wouldn’t tell my child this is my position. I’d ask if they have homework and encourage them to do it, but this is not the hill I’d die on.

[Anonymous]

I would just explain to the teacher he’s refusing to do the homework and wash my hands of it. Tell your child you will be communicating that to his teacher and then be done with it.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone OP

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t force him to do homework, but I also wouldn’t let him use any screens. If he wants to not do homework, and run around outside, play do puzzles, help cook, etc. great. If he wants to just sit around on a iPad, no.

I see this frequently…kids don’t want to do anything that takes them away from their screens. If they kid never has a screen in the first place, they will be far more likely to do homework, reading with you or other academic-based work when you ask.

[Anonymous]

Hw is not appropriate before like 3/4 grade. Review is one thing but id let the the worksheets go if he knows the material. Kids are exhausted at that age from all the sitting and concentrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t force him to do homework, but I also wouldn’t let him use any screens. If he wants to not do homework, and run around outside, play do puzzles, help cook, etc. great. If he wants to just sit around on a iPad, no.

I see this frequently…kids don’t want to do anything that takes them away from their screens. If they kid never has a screen in the first place, they will be far more likely to do homework, reading with you or other academic-based work when you ask.

This is a great approach. I believe that almost all teachers are reasonable and wouldn’t want big fights happening at home over this.

I really don’t blame a six-year old for refusing to do BS busywork. Adults with fully formed cerebral cortexes don’t want to do it either. I do believe in the importance of getting into the habit of reinforcing what you learn at school at home, but except for times tables, handwriting, and reading, I don’t think it really needs to be done until fourth grade.

[Anonymous]

He is not into structure or rules at 6 years old? Yikes, you have a long road ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no chance I’d force my child to do homework before 5th grade. I’d tell the teacher you will continue to read and review with him the work done in class that she sends home (so I can praise his efforts). I also wouldn’t tell my child this is my position. I’d ask if they have homework and encourage them to do it, but this is not the hill I’d die on.

I agree. Homework in ES is to 1. Form a habit and 2. Allow the parent to see what they are learning at school. I don't prioritize homework above being with family or reading books.

[Anonymous]

A six year old?? No. The only homework should be to read with a parent for 20 minutes. We do that at bedtime and we don’t call it homework.

But agreed that screens should not be the alternative. Playing or exploring, legos, crafts etc. is just as effective.

[Anonymous]

Parenting class

[Anonymous]

I agree that homework is not really appropriate at this age, but I am also concerned that you give him a direction to do it, and he doesn’t comply. That’s the red flag to me. I’d either remove the expectation completely and tell the teacher it is not developmentally appropriate, or insist that he sit with it and a timer for ten minutes, and then put it away. He doesn’t get to say no at six years old when you give him a direction.

[Anonymous]

My very studious kid had a lot of school rebellion at 6. We backed off, and it has not made her a poor student or rebellious kid. I think it's fine to just tell the teacher you're not doing HW right now.

Focus on reading, writing that matters (eg letters to family), and working discussions of math and science into everyday activities.