What age to stop forcing teens to attend church?

[Anonymous]

Not Christian, but faced similar dilemma with religious school. Let DC1 stop after bat mitzvah if she picked up something else religious, so age 12. She joined youth group and goes to Jewish sleepaway camp. Agree with others to try to find other outlets that will continue his commitment to religion and that he might enjoy. Youth group, camp, service work through church, Christian sports team (??) or coaching younger kids on church team (?? - these things exist at Jewish community centers, don’t know about church). Look at all the church activities and in the community and try to get him to find one that will be with kids his age. Plus, he’ll still have to participate in holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not Christian, but faced similar dilemma with religious school. Let DC1 stop after bat mitzvah if she picked up something else religious, so age 12. She joined youth group and goes to Jewish sleepaway camp. Agree with others to try to find other outlets that will continue his commitment to religion and that he might enjoy. Youth group, camp, service work through church, Christian sports team (??) or coaching younger kids on church team (?? - these things exist at Jewish community centers, don’t know about church). Look at all the church activities and in the community and try to get him to find one that will be with kids his age. Plus, he’ll still have to participate in holidays.

These are good ideas. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents let us decide for ourselves whether we wanted to go to church as soon as we were old enough to stay home alone if we wanted, so like 10ish. Verdict: one non-religious adult child, one who consistently attends church with her two small children. I think this solution makes the most sense — your relationship with God isn’t dependent on being in church every Sunday in my view (I’m the religious adult child as you may have guessed).


Asking parents to forgo their pre-existing engagement so the child can do sports is a manners issue, however. Can you guess compromise on that? Carpool so you don’t have to miss every Sunday, and when he has games attend a different service than you usually would?

It's not preexisting arrangements. Parents can go at a different time or church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a huge thread about this exact question.

Probably mine from a few weeks ago? I posted it and assumed it never submitted since I couldn't find it again. I took it as a sign to let it go and see how things played out at home. I guess I misplaced where I posted my original question! Sorry it's turned into a "huge thread"... How embarrassing.

Unfortunately, the issue has continued for us and we had another blow up from DC this morning and I thought I'd try again on this group. It's confirmed what I was already thinking of doing... It's been especially difficult since DH and I are at odds about how to handle this. It's new territory for me.

Why would you take away something he loves?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. God is everywhere. You can talk to God from anywhere in the world you may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. God is everywhere. You can talk to God from anywhere in the world you may be.

It’s this. My parents forced us to go until we left for college but the times were flexible. There was a Saturday mass and many on Sunday to pick from so I don’t ever remember missing anything. None of us went during college. As adults 2/3 of us do not belong to a church or go to services of any kind. I have one sister who goes weekly with her entire family but switched religions and is no longer Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Why are sports being held on Sunday mornings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are sports being held on Sunday mornings?

Why not? My kid has sports Sunday morning (gymnastics). Granted he has it a million other days a week too. My other son has had baseball Sunday morning. There is only so much field space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are sports being held on Sunday mornings?

Why not? My kid has sports Sunday morning (gymnastics). Granted he has it a million other days a week too. My other son has had baseball Sunday morning. There is only so much field space.

- because most people (not all) go to Church on Sunday, that’s why.

And yes, everyone knows Muslims’ sabbath is Friday, Jews’ sabbath is Saturday, atheists have No sabbath, etc:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are sports being held on Sunday mornings?

Why not? My kid has sports Sunday morning (gymnastics). Granted he has it a million other days a week too. My other son has had baseball Sunday morning. There is only so much field space.

- because most people (not all) go to Church on Sunday, that’s why.

And yes, everyone knows Muslims’ sabbath is Friday, Jews’ sabbath is Saturday, atheists have No sabbath, etc:

Most people don't participate in any organized religion. Only 25% of Americans claim to attend weekly church services...but in actuality, only 3% of Americans (that say they go to Sunday church) actually are in church on any given Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. God is everywhere. You can talk to God from anywhere in the world you may be.

It’s this. My parents forced us to go until we left for college but the times were flexible. There was a Saturday mass and many on Sunday to pick from so I don’t ever remember missing anything. None of us went during college. As adults 2/3 of us do not belong to a church or go to services of any kind. I have one sister who goes weekly with her entire family but switched religions and is no longer Catholic.

Do you think you would belong to a church now if your parents didn't force you when you were young?

[Anonymous]

They stopped when they stopped enjoying it.

We never made them go unless it was a required day for preparation of the sacraments.

Post confirmation was 100% their decision. They are “adults” with respect to the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents let us decide for ourselves whether we wanted to go to church as soon as we were old enough to stay home alone if we wanted, so like 10ish. Verdict: one non-religious adult child, one who consistently attends church with her two small children. I think this solution makes the most sense — your relationship with God isn’t dependent on being in church every Sunday in my view (I’m the religious adult child as you may have guessed).


Asking parents to forgo their pre-existing engagement so the child can do sports is a manners issue, however. Can you guess compromise on that? Carpool so you don’t have to miss every Sunday, and when he has games attend a different service than you usually would?

It's not preexisting arrangements. Parents can go at a different time or church.

I would guess that the parents have had a longer connection with the church, than the kid has had with the sports team.

Church is a primary source of social connection, and emotional support, for many adults. Asking a parent to give that up isn't reasonable. Telling a teenager that they do not have to attend services, but they need to arrange their own rides, or fund their own ubers, seems like a reasonable compromise.

[Anonymous]

We’re Catholic so we have a wide variety of church times (we still miss it on occasion), but I’ve found with faith development that what happens at home is most important. We pray nightly as a family and each of the special liturgical seasons, Advent and Lent, we use a prayer book and reflection questions together. My kids are teens, they give one word answers often, but I can see that relationship with God is building.

[Anonymous]

I think that since your son likes youth group, you should encourage him to continue with that, and ease up on church attendance. Set a standard that works for you -- whether Christmas/Easter, or ask him to attend sometimes in the off season. I think it's great if they can keep their minds open, but sometimes that's the best we can hope for.