How do you encourage your kids to be independent with their social lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never give a young child free access to a computer, email, phone. Nor would I allow them to go to the park or anywhere alone. I'd expect the parent to contact me to make arrangements and someone supervise (and if you don't supervise and dump it on me, I will only agree so many times). I also don't appreciate kids constantly knocking on my door demanding they be allowed to come in and play and I have to feed them if I wasn't planning on cooking. If you want your kids to play, you invite the kids over.

For teens, its a mix but usually like PP said there is not a lot of time with activities and we have to drive.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When. I was a kid, if I wanted to see a friend, I picked up the family landline and called their family landline, minimal to no grown ups involved. I want that for my kid (8 years old) but that seems unnecessarily complicated. None of their friends have phones, so even if I gave them one it would not solve the problem (and would also create new problems). It doesn't really work to have them just plan at school, because they might not know ahead of time exactly when they will be free and it has proved difficult for them to coordinate meeting at the park at particular times without involving parents. Plus it of course doesn't work during summer.

Do your 8 year olds have email accounts they can access on a family computer? Walkie talkies that go all the way to friends houses? A culture where they walk to friends houses and knock on the door unannounced? Other ideas?

I don't really want to introduce the same dynamic of group text messages and so forth --I just want to empower them to plan to meet their friends at the park or invite them over without having to ask me to ask the friends' parents, which creates friction and a feeling of being un-empowered and dependent. Any advice?

I can't wait until they reach 6th grade and start socializing on their own accord. I have hated the playdates and trying to arrange these type of things. I've been in more awkward and weird adult conversations with other moms and parents than I ever would have liked. Don't get me started on when I went to someone's home and their DH worked at home in the office and he came to join us moms in his home. I walked into a weird marriage dynamic with 2 stranger parents from my kids school, it was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It came in 6th grade for both of my kids.

How, logistically? Do they and their friends have phones? Email or online messaging apps using a family computer?

DP but it sounds like that’s when they’re comfortable giving their kids phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never give a young child free access to a computer, email, phone. Nor would I allow them to go to the park or anywhere alone. I'd expect the parent to contact me to make arrangements and someone supervise (and if you don't supervise and dump it on me, I will only agree so many times). I also don't appreciate kids constantly knocking on my door demanding they be allowed to come in and play and I have to feed them if I wasn't planning on cooking. If you want your kids to play, you invite the kids over.

For teens, its a mix but usually like PP said there is not a lot of time with activities and we have to drive.

This seems like a recipe for socially and emotionally stunted kids. Let kids live a little, they will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never give a young child free access to a computer, email, phone. Nor would I allow them to go to the park or anywhere alone. I'd expect the parent to contact me to make arrangements and someone supervise (and if you don't supervise and dump it on me, I will only agree so many times). I also don't appreciate kids constantly knocking on my door demanding they be allowed to come in and play and I have to feed them if I wasn't planning on cooking. If you want your kids to play, you invite the kids over.

For teens, its a mix but usually like PP said there is not a lot of time with activities and we have to drive.

This seems like a recipe for socially and emotionally stunted kids. Let kids live a little, they will be fine.

+1

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have close neighbors- I think you have to be involved until they get messenger kids or text chat.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of this has to do with the setup of your neighborhood. Our town is very walkable and DS rides his bike to school. DS is in 3rd grade and has a kids’ smart watch that he calls me on to ask if he can bring a friend home for an impromptu playdate or if he can go over someone’s house or stay at the playground to play. If he goes to a friend’s house I typically shoot a text to their mom to make sure it’s ok, but most kids just kind of show up at our house, so I assume their parents are happy to let them navigate the neighborhood on their own. The smart watch has a GPS feature so I know DS is where he says he is. He has one friend on his “contact list”; most of his other friends don’t have smart watches just yet.

So in answer to your question—walkable neighborhoood/friends and smart watch for kids.