If you are divorced/separated/ in an unhappy marriage, who are you going to hang out with when the kids leave the home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Well, I shop, vacation and hang out with dd as our schedules permit. I travel to visit adult dc also. I am involved a lot at church, which I really enjoy (as does dd). Plus, sometimes I just need to rest!

I have aging parents nearby so that takes up a lot of time-I'm glad I'm available and wish it was more (I work full time with a commute).

I'm never lonely or bored. I defenitely want to be an involved grandma when the kids have kids and will arrange my retirement situation around their needs and desires.

OP here. It's wonderful that you still spend a lot of time with your DD! That's my hope, too.

PP here-I'm so glad to have the opportunity! I'm close to my mom too and so grateful to still have her (I'm 52). She's been such a good grandmother to my kids (and my dad is a good grandfather, even though parkinsons has ended the physical activity part). I'm modeling after her.

[Anonymous]

I have always had friends and made friends easily. But, I also got remarried so I hang out with my (second) husband a lot too.

[Anonymous]

Even if you are in a happy marriage, there’s a chance you’ll be widowed and live many years after you’re widowed. So it’s a good idea no matter what to think about this. My mom and MIL were both widowed in their 60s not long after becoming empty nesters but have maintained active social lives with friends and family.

[Anonymous]

I have a teen son and it’s been a while since we spent a lot of time together… I mean we do spend some… but I am not sure either of us even likes it that much anymore? So that ship has sailed.
My dad is 78 but hopes to stay alive for another 20 to 30 years… well I hope he will last at least the 4 years before his grandson is off to college… to hang out with me lol.
Then, there are my friends. We actually don’t meet in person all too often. Having a group chat really helps (I have a few in fact).
My brother and his family is another option but probably not more than 1-2x/yr, realistically…
I think I am content being alone a lot of the time. I plan to work, so weekends on the couch don’t sound so bad…

[Anonymous]

OP this is something that you have to prepare for by enriching your life, deepening your relationships, and forming new ones either with a partner or with a community or both. Your daughter cannot and should not be your companionship of your support system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you are in a happy marriage, there’s a chance you’ll be widowed and live many years after you’re widowed. So it’s a good idea no matter what to think about this. My mom and MIL were both widowed in their 60s not long after becoming empty nesters but have maintained active social lives with friends and family.

+1 Many females end up outliving their man. Not always but the statistics are slanted that way. Be prepared.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s great that you have such a good relationship with your daughter but she can’t be your only/main social outlet. Will you join her on her family trips? Are you planning to take the place of her DH? Does he have any say in it? What if she has her own obligations - career, children, etc. You need to find a life beyond your DD, don’t be too needy with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I be a human if I can use my daughter to fill my time?

Sadly that is what OP is saying. I can't image the pressure her daughter must be under to entertain her mother versus having her own life.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been spending 3-4 hours at gym (a good portion stretching, foam rolling, using the amenities), also reading, planning trips and dinners with girlfriends (many of whom I have met through DH’s childhood and college friends since he never left the area).

I wish I was into classes at the gym since people seem to get to know each other in that environment, but I’m not into that.

[Anonymous]

My plan is to throw myself into work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Books and cats.

Books and cat here.

I’m very much looking forward to this. I love the peace.

[Anonymous]

PP here: also workouts. I like to vary it up with classes, online workouts, and workouts I do on my own.

[Anonymous]

I started dating again when my child went to college last year. I met someone and it’s been great having a partner again.

[Anonymous]

My mom moved to a 55-and-older community after my dad died. She loves it. Many people there are also single for one reason or another, and there’s a huge social component to the community. They all help one another too with rides to medical appointments, house sitting, etc. This isn’t assisted living or anything — you just have to be 55+ to live there.

[Anonymous]

When the weather is nice I golf with friends W and Sat or Sunday (if I'm not out of town).

I play pickleball do yoga a total of 4x, not both, one or the other.

I travel to Colorado on the weekends to visit my brother 2x a year.

I travel somewhere 4x a year with my roommate from college ... beach, lake, resort, her house, my house, visit a city (Chicago is our next stop).

I visit my son in Boston 6 times a year. My other son is still in college so he is home in the summer and I visit him in college 1x in Fall and 1x in spring... I fly him to Boston 1x.

the thing is being an empty nester and divorced I have a huge house to myself so I have visitors.

My best friend has a beach house and we spend most of June there.

My friend from growing up lives in FLA, I go there once a year, she comes here once a year and we do a 1 week road trip every other year.

I have a group of friends who live in NE area and we try to meet up ever other year but we are so busy it usually happens every 3 years.

I actually feel like I need to retire so I have more time to see friends.

that is about 20 weekends out of 50 weekends that i'm doing something. Throw in a wedding and showers. I'm pretty busy every other weekend not even enought time to garden and cook, which I love to do.