Would you urge kid to invite old close friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do this to your kid OP. It’s not about you. Things shift in middle school. It’s fine.

So if your kid all of a sudden randomly wasn't friends with good friends they've had probably for the last 5 or 6 years, that wouldn't seem strange to you?

For a middle schooler? No, not really.

Often there is no conflict- especially among boys- they stay on friendly terms but just grow apart. No need to force things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would invite especially the neighbor.

If the other friends are the super popular type and your kid is lower on the totem pole, then I would not worry about it as much. It’s possible they snubbed her rather than the other way around

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do this to your kid OP. It’s not about you. Things shift in middle school. It’s fine.

So if your kid all of a sudden randomly wasn't friends with good friends they've had probably for the last 5 or 6 years, that wouldn't seem strange to you?

No it really wouldn’t. Is this your first child? Middle school is a big transition point. They often shift friend groups and it will keep happening. You can make your kid invite these kids to his party. It’s not going to mean the kids are still good friends. It’s going to mean you forced him to invite them.

[Anonymous]

Parents are so over involved.

Let him invite who the f he wants to invite. And guess what? He accepts any consequences for his actions down the line. The End

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do this to your kid OP. It’s not about you. Things shift in middle school. It’s fine.

So if your kid all of a sudden randomly wasn't friends with good friends they've had probably for the last 5 or 6 years, that wouldn't seem strange to you?

No. Both of my kids completely changed friend groups in middle school. It seemed very sudden for both. It’s more normal than you think. They didn’t become close with the elementary friends they drifted from again. No arguments or fights. Everyone just moved on.

[Anonymous]

I think urging is fine. I did this for DS and his new friends became friends with the old friends and it's really nice.

[Anonymous]

I've got 4 older kids so I have been through this and I think it depends. Particularly for 7th graders I would want to have a dialogue because yes, friendships do change in middle school but the reasons behind the changes aren't always good ones.

I've seen some really horrible instances of kids ditching longtime friends in an attempt to ingratiate themselves with the "popular" kids, social engineers telling friends they can't invite xyz to their event, etc. My own kid wanted to invite only 7 of 8 people over after a particular activity and I said no, invite that extra kid or we're not doing it. I'm not co-signing being unkind.

It's worth it to have the dialogue, doesn't mean the outcome changes, but at least it's an opportunity to understand what's shifted and maybe why.

[Anonymous]

My DD did include 2 neighborhood ES friends in 9th grade birthday outing even though they were not in the same social circle. The two outsider were obnoxious- refusing to go where the group wanted to go. Complaining etc. I wasn’t there as this was 9th grade but I heard about it on the way home. That was the end of including them! We are still friendly with their parents and the kids (now in college) see eachother at family gatherings and are still friendly.

[Anonymous]

No that’s just awkward for the old friends unless they happen to get along or have a connection with the new friends. Which does happen but more with older teens who have more expanded friend groups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are so over involved.

Let him invite who the f he wants to invite. And guess what? He accepts any consequences for his actions down the line. The End

It’s not overly involved to discuss the guest list. Most kids have various friends from different parts of their life. It’s unlikely that the neighborhood kid won’t know anyone.

[Anonymous]

My kid is at a new middle school and does not ever want to mix old and new friends.

When I was a kid, I had neighborhood friends and then I had school friends. I think it’s pretty common.

[Anonymous]

No, your kid invites who they want. If you want to keep in touch with the old friends, then host a bbq and invite their whole family as a get together another time

[Anonymous]

I might ask about the other kids (assuming I didn’t already know the story). But no I would not insist.

[Anonymous]

Depends.

If your kid is not really hanging with the "old" friends at all - then let it be. They're not friends, they're friendly.

If they are hanging out, seeing each other, etc., and your kid just wants to exclude, or invite cooler people . . . you're failing as a parent.

Be careful who you sh-- on on your way up the ladder b/c you may pass them on the way down or in a time of need.