I’m the invisible person .. what’s it like on the other side? From your perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if this is a pattern and it's making you unhappy it may be either you have distorted thinking (assume the worst, don't look for alternate evidence) or poor boundaries. I have had friends who felt like they were all take and I was an afterthought, but I made a bunch of excuses too because we can all be overburdened, burned out, flaky. I just changed my boundaries. It wasn't that I stated that the person must do something. I simply put less energy into the person, got together less and detached some and then found my comfort zone where I enjoyed the friendship. It was about changes I could make, not about trying to make the other person change.

Not OP but I’m not quite following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks Pps for these inputs. Its helpful, I was once a very violent and rompus teen so my personality has mellowed quite a bit as I aged. My life was a bit front loaded, I was again, loud, violent, troubled teen into crime, bad boys, drugs ..the like, all by age 15. First kid by 23. So now I feel like I’m on the mellower end of things.

You swung the pendulum too far. In an attempt to be more chill you are now an NPC to most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks Pps for these inputs. Its helpful, I was once a very violent and rompus teen so my personality has mellowed quite a bit as I aged. My life was a bit front loaded, I was again, loud, violent, troubled teen into crime, bad boys, drugs ..the like, all by age 15. First kid by 23. So now I feel like I’m on the mellower end of things.

Was there deep insecurity or trauma at the root of these behaviors?
Is there still a deep insecurity in you but now manifests as wallflower behavior?

[Anonymous]

You sound like someone I would accidentally on purpose leave out. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are nice but not really that fun so you don’t bring a lot to the group.

Maybe it’s this. You just don’t stand out? Or maybe your friends are just flighty. It’s really hard to tell.

[Anonymous]

I call TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how I view you:

"Ah shit, Jane. I forgot about Jane. Let me check in with Jane I LoVE her. Shit laundry."
"Guys where's Jane? She's not on the invite? Shit, someone text her. I lOVe her."

See, people love you but their noticings are very sporadic and scattered and are not to do with you. If you hear of something, don't assume you are left out-- pipe up: What's that on Saturday? Then they will say "Shit, Jane-- you didn't hear? you have to come!" Don't assume you are not included. Most people are inclusive and have a good heart. Unless they are biothches and don't waste time with them anyway.

I relate to OP and this post pretty much confirms…we’re not a priority for you. You have a fleeting thought about us and then forget to act on it.
OP, I agree with the post that says people see us as strong/self-sufficient and therefore don’t feel the need to check in. I also recognize in myself the tendency to have “flaky” friends who i make excuses for, oh she has so much more going on than i do…
I’m learning to evaluate which people I am fine with being invisible to and which to just not take personally

🙄 Oh FFS. Yes, some of us are more occupied with our chores and kids and life. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with PP - nothing you said indicates doormat status. I bet you’re quiet and very likable, but perceived as an introvert who doesn’t need/want the attention.

I agree with this. You are also probably viewed as strong and self-sufficient.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your Op sounds like ‘woe is me’. Thats a Debbie downer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People often tell me their deep secrets without my prompting or trust me with information that I do not wish to know.

You sound like you might be an INFJ? See Myers Briggs. I am one, and the above is so true...

OP here. WOW! Yes in fact I am!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with PP - nothing you said indicates doormat status. I bet you’re quiet and very likable, but perceived as an introvert who doesn’t need/want the attention.

I agree with this. You are also probably viewed as strong and self-sufficient.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks Pps for these inputs. Its helpful, I was once a very violent and rompus teen so my personality has mellowed quite a bit as I aged. My life was a bit front loaded, I was again, loud, violent, troubled teen into crime, bad boys, drugs ..the like, all by age 15. First kid by 23. So now I feel like I’m on the mellower end of things.

Was there deep insecurity or trauma at the root of these behaviors?
Is there still a deep insecurity in you but now manifests as wallflower behavior?

Op here. Trauma (earliest memories are being tied down to watch my mother be abused on multiple occasions until my father stopped invading the home, long story he never lived in the home but would attack as an assailant at night). Now, present-day, I am unsure if it’s insecurities because I tend to attract a certain type of person no matter the location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how I view you:

"Ah shit, Jane. I forgot about Jane. Let me check in with Jane I LoVE her. Shit laundry."
"Guys where's Jane? She's not on the invite? Shit, someone text her. I lOVe her."

See, people love you but their noticings are very sporadic and scattered and are not to do with you. If you hear of something, don't assume you are left out-- pipe up: What's that on Saturday? Then they will say "Shit, Jane-- you didn't hear? you have to come!" Don't assume you are not included. Most people are inclusive and have a good heart. Unless they are biothches and don't waste time with them anyway.

I relate to OP and this post pretty much confirms…we’re not a priority for you. You have a fleeting thought about us and then forget to act on it.
OP, I agree with the post that says people see us as strong/self-sufficient and therefore don’t feel the need to check in. I also recognize in myself the tendency to have “flaky” friends who i make excuses for, oh she has so much more going on than i do…
I’m learning to evaluate which people I am fine with being invisible to and which to just not take personally

🙄 Oh FFS. Yes, some of us are more occupied with our chores and kids and life. Get over it.

oh ffs, yourself. We ALL have things going on. If you can’t see that then you are particularly self involved, get over that.