What’s you and your spouses love language?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW's Love Langague is $$$$$$. More $$$ = more love.

I hope this is satire, but I do know people who are like this, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Our ranking:
1) DH acts of service, DW quality time
2) physical touch
3) words of affirmation
4) gifts
5) DH quality time, DW acts of service

Since our 1s and 5s are switched, we have to go a bit against our natural instincts in order to make the other feel consistently loved - worth it though, and sex life is great even after 20+ years together.

[Anonymous]

We know or think we know this about our spouses.

But do our spouses know this about us? If your spouse knows it, did you tell them? Do you remind them when they forget?

[Anonymous]

Quality time and acts of service for me. Words of affirmation and sex for DH. (You could call that physical touch or an act of service I suppose.) I’d venture to say that most men feel unloved without sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We know or think we know this about our spouses.

But do our spouses know this about us? If your spouse knows it, did you tell them? Do you remind them when they forget?

11:59 PP here. Yes, we discussed it before marriage. Two decades later, we don’t really remind each other so much as we remind ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we each have different ones. Mine is acts of service. His is words of affirmation. We both agree on quality time and physical touch. Gifts are nice but not a big deal to either of us. I make sure I give him the words he needs. Conversely, he makes sure he does the acts of service I need.

I think the key is figuring out what the other person needs and then how you can give it to them, and vice versa (obviously it doesn't work well if you're not both doing it). I grew up in a household where we said I love you a lot and we definitely say that in our house now and I don't think it's meaningless but it's something I'm just used to (and maybe take it for granted a bit?). My parents both worked (lawyer and accountant) when I was growing up, so time was a precious commodity, and they both made an effort to spend time with each other and with us kids engaging in acts of service, and I think that's why I like that language.

My husband's household had a verbally abusive dad and an emotionally abusive mom, so he got basically nothing but really just wanted someone to say they loved him. After a year of us dating he said my dad had told my husband he loved him more times in that year than his dad had said in his entire life. So those words mean a lot to him because he didn't have them growing up. To me they're important but expected, which is why I have a different language. But we're both happy to give the other what they need.

+1. Same. You articulated this well. Do you ever resent your DH's family?

This is so interesting! My husband's parents were immigrants who worked all the time, and his love language is quality time. He feels loved when I go to Home Depot with him so he doesn't have to go by himself. He feels exploited and unloved when I don't join him out in the yard when he's doing yard work. The language he uses to show love is acts of service, which isn't my preferred language but I understand it now. When I had to leave town to take care of a very ill parent, I came back to see that he had replaced all the flooring on the first floor of our summer house. At some point I figured out that he'll usually fix something, etc. as a way of making up after a fight -- and once I started a fight just to see if he'd put together that whole pile of Chinese furniture in boxes sitting in the front hallway for a week or so. And yeah, it worked!

My parents never praised us, or touched us, for that matter -- so I am a sucker for words of affirmation and physical touch. I also tend to give people words of affirmation which freaks people in my extended family out. I recently told my elderly mother that I was proud of her for how well she was adjusting to assisted living, and she just laughed at me. (I am convinced that both of my parents literally have no love language, either for receiving or giving love. Is that possible?)

[Anonymous]

English. We speak English.

[Anonymous]

Practical support of each other and sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW's Love Langague is $$$$$$. More $$$ = more love.

I hope this is satire, but I do know people who are like this, sadly.

I know plenty of women like this.

[Anonymous]

His to me, is food and acts of service. Mine to him, is acts of service and physical touch. Yes, it works. We each do a smattering of other things - very occasionally I cook for him, he gives me compliments, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we each have different ones. Mine is acts of service. His is words of affirmation. We both agree on quality time and physical touch. Gifts are nice but not a big deal to either of us. I make sure I give him the words he needs. Conversely, he makes sure he does the acts of service I need.

I think the key is figuring out what the other person needs and then how you can give it to them, and vice versa (obviously it doesn't work well if you're not both doing it). I grew up in a household where we said I love you a lot and we definitely say that in our house now and I don't think it's meaningless but it's something I'm just used to (and maybe take it for granted a bit?). My parents both worked (lawyer and accountant) when I was growing up, so time was a precious commodity, and they both made an effort to spend time with each other and with us kids engaging in acts of service, and I think that's why I like that language.

My husband's household had a verbally abusive dad and an emotionally abusive mom, so he got basically nothing but really just wanted someone to say they loved him. After a year of us dating he said my dad had told my husband he loved him more times in that year than his dad had said in his entire life. So those words mean a lot to him because he didn't have them growing up. To me they're important but expected, which is why I have a different language. But we're both happy to give the other what they need.

+1. Same. You articulated this well. Do you ever resent your DH's family?

That's a good question. I resent how they treat(ed) him. The abuse continued into his adulthood and he has since cut them off (his dad turned his abuse towards me and our kids and that was the last straw). I wish he had supportive and wonderful parents because he's an amazing person and deserves the best. He has worked so hard to get out from under the life they gave him and I'm really proud of him for that. He wants so much better for our kids, so he's a great dad to them. He also saw how badly his dad treated his mom and it hurt him so he's a great husband to me as well. But yeah, I resent that they're still alive when my dad, who was the most amazing human being ever and loved us all so much, died a few years ago. It hurts that his POS dad gets to continue being an abusive ahole while my dad isn't here anymore. He resents that as well. I will never understand how someone could verbally or emotionally abuse their own child.

[Anonymous]

His are gifts and mine are acts of service. Ironically, I appreciate the gifts but I don’t value the gifts, but I value that he values them.

We both share quality time.

[Anonymous]

My DW's love language is related to the Beast from Below. She answers his call when he rises from the depths.

[Anonymous]

All men think they are physical touch

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe in that stupid book.

DH just wants me to keep an eye out for how I can make his life better, and that changes based on life circumstances. I feel loved when I get hugs, when he brags about me, and when he pesters me (in a really sweet way) to spend time with him.