Ex using weaponizing custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IME, Never trade money for custody, which is modifiable at any time.

If your ex is at all abusive or controlling, prepare for more of this.

Do you trust your lawyer?

So take the money and lose custody of the kids? Won’t that make it easier for him to move out of state (which he also is threatening?)

Yes ex is financially abusive and generally controlling.

I trust my lawyer but haven’t been able to speak with her because she’s in another trial atm.

First of all, listen to your lawyer who I hope has a strong relationship with your judge.

What I am saying is when you trade money for custody, he’s gong to come back a few months later and try to modify custody anyway. How old are your kids? Are you comfortable giving any info about your jurisdiction?

Read Lundy Bancroft’s books to understand how f@#$ed up family court is.

In most states, you have to show that a modification of a custody order is "in the best interests of the child(ren) due to a substantial change of circumstances that affect the welfare of the child." It's actually quite a high bar, and I think getting the custody schedule right at the beginning is very important. There are limited circumstances where trading money for more custody is worth considering. What comes to mind is if you have an abusive ex who will continue to weaponize parenting time to hurt the kids or you, and you have a good job and can get by without the money you would forgo.

Yes, getting the best custody you can at the outset is preferable. Unfortunately the bar for modifying custody is very different for women. Again, I highly suggest reading Lundy Bancroft’s work.

The bar for modifying custody is high for men and women, especially if it the existing order is specifically drafted and was part of a settlement. A "substantial change of circumstances" is difficult to prove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IME, Never trade money for custody, which is modifiable at any time.

If your ex is at all abusive or controlling, prepare for more of this.

Do you trust your lawyer?

So take the money and lose custody of the kids? Won’t that make it easier for him to move out of state (which he also is threatening?)

Yes ex is financially abusive and generally controlling.

I trust my lawyer but haven’t been able to speak with her because she’s in another trial atm.

First of all, listen to your lawyer who I hope has a strong relationship with your judge.

What I am saying is when you trade money for custody, he’s gong to come back a few months later and try to modify custody anyway. How old are your kids? Are you comfortable giving any info about your jurisdiction?

Read Lundy Bancroft’s books to understand how f@#$ed up family court is.

In most states, you have to show that a modification of a custody order is "in the best interests of the child(ren) due to a substantial change of circumstances that affect the welfare of the child." It's actually quite a high bar, and I think getting the custody schedule right at the beginning is very important. There are limited circumstances where trading money for more custody is worth considering. What comes to mind is if you have an abusive ex who will continue to weaponize parenting time to hurt the kids or you, and you have a good job and can get by without the money you would forgo.

Yes, getting the best custody you can at the outset is preferable. Unfortunately the bar for modifying custody is very different for women. Again, I highly suggest reading Lundy Bancroft’s work.

The bar for modifying custody is high for men and women, especially if it the existing order is specifically drafted and was part of a settlement. A "substantial change of circumstances" is difficult to prove.

The bar is whatever that judge chooses. You seem naive about how abusive, controlling men use custody and the courts to continue harming mothers. There is the law as written, and the law as it plays out. Ignoring the latter is not a smart choice for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IME, Never trade money for custody, which is modifiable at any time.

If your ex is at all abusive or controlling, prepare for more of this.

Do you trust your lawyer?

So take the money and lose custody of the kids? Won’t that make it easier for him to move out of state (which he also is threatening?)

Yes ex is financially abusive and generally controlling.

I trust my lawyer but haven’t been able to speak with her because she’s in another trial atm.

First of all, listen to your lawyer who I hope has a strong relationship with your judge.

What I am saying is when you trade money for custody, he’s gong to come back a few months later and try to modify custody anyway. How old are your kids? Are you comfortable giving any info about your jurisdiction?

Read Lundy Bancroft’s books to understand how f@#$ed up family court is.

In most states, you have to show that a modification of a custody order is "in the best interests of the child(ren) due to a substantial change of circumstances that affect the welfare of the child." It's actually quite a high bar, and I think getting the custody schedule right at the beginning is very important. There are limited circumstances where trading money for more custody is worth considering. What comes to mind is if you have an abusive ex who will continue to weaponize parenting time to hurt the kids or you, and you have a good job and can get by without the money you would forgo.

Yes, getting the best custody you can at the outset is preferable. Unfortunately the bar for modifying custody is very different for women. Again, I highly suggest reading Lundy Bancroft’s work.

The bar for modifying custody is high for men and women, especially if it the existing order is specifically drafted and was part of a settlement. A "substantial change of circumstances" is difficult to prove.

The bar is whatever that judge chooses. You seem naive about how abusive, controlling men use custody and the courts to continue harming mothers. There is the law as written, and the law as it plays out. Ignoring the latter is not a smart choice for women.

Yeah....it's not so much that the bar changes, it's that men can use the courts to drag out endless litigation that never goes anywhere as a control mechanism. It's awful - basically legal harassment.