How often do you see far away close family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about seeing your parents - you go more often. Just you. If they have the money and cost keeps you from going, mention that. They might gladly cover your cost. Go. Same with siblings. It's important to go, even if it's just you.

I could not go more than once a year. What do you do?

Think about it this way. Depending on your age - let's say you are 45 (a pretty fair representative age on DCUM). That means your mom is about 70 and your dad is about 72-73. Based on demographics and age, your mom will likely live to 87 (give or take) and your dad about 10 more years. Thus, based on your once a year pattern, you will see your Dad 10 more times in his lifetime and your mom about 15 more times. Of those times, how many times will it be because they are in the hospital or have other major health issues? Or would you rather see them when they are active and can go to dinner or a play or whatever.

In other words, suck it up and go see your parents because they won't be around much longer and baring some interpersonal issue between you and them, you will be sadder if you don't.

DP, just posted above. I so wish I had this option sooner in life - to work remote and spend more time with my mom when she was healthy. I am only 45 and my mom is 75 but she is not well at all. I often regret moving so far away - I always thought I would have so much more time with her. I was wrong. If you like your parents even just a little bit - spend time with them, it goes by so quickly.

[Anonymous]

So far this calendar year, I've seen my mom 4 times, each of my 3 siblings twice each. We currently have plans to see all of them once this spring, probably once in the summer for a vacation, and likely one of the winter holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about seeing your parents - you go more often. Just you. If they have the money and cost keeps you from going, mention that. They might gladly cover your cost. Go. Same with siblings. It's important to go, even if it's just you.

I could not go more than once a year. What do you do?

Think about it this way. Depending on your age - let's say you are 45 (a pretty fair representative age on DCUM). That means your mom is about 70 and your dad is about 72-73. Based on demographics and age, your mom will likely live to 87 (give or take) and your dad about 10 more years. Thus, based on your once a year pattern, you will see your Dad 10 more times in his lifetime and your mom about 15 more times. Of those times, how many times will it be because they are in the hospital or have other major health issues? Or would you rather see them when they are active and can go to dinner or a play or whatever.

In other words, suck it up and go see your parents because they won't be around much longer and baring some interpersonal issue between you and them, you will be sadder if you don't.

DP, just posted above. I so wish I had this option sooner in life - to work remote and spend more time with my mom when she was healthy. I am only 45 and my mom is 75 but she is not well at all. I often regret moving so far away - I always thought I would have so much more time with her. I was wrong. If you like your parents even just a little bit - spend time with them, it goes by so quickly.

Short of quitting my job, I really cannot go more than once a year because it's so far and expensive, unless I go maybe at Christmas too for just three days, but alone. I only get 15 days of vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We normally do once a year, but the expense is such I am not sure I want to do it.

Drop slowly by skipping one year after every two years, go two weeks instead of four weeks. One year just you go, don't take kids and DH. There are ways to cut down without people feeling abandoned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about seeing your parents - you go more often. Just you. If they have the money and cost keeps you from going, mention that. They might gladly cover your cost. Go. Same with siblings. It's important to go, even if it's just you.

I could not go more than once a year. What do you do?

Think about it this way. Depending on your age - let's say you are 45 (a pretty fair representative age on DCUM). That means your mom is about 70 and your dad is about 72-73. Based on demographics and age, your mom will likely live to 87 (give or take) and your dad about 10 more years. Thus, based on your once a year pattern, you will see your Dad 10 more times in his lifetime and your mom about 15 more times. Of those times, how many times will it be because they are in the hospital or have other major health issues? Or would you rather see them when they are active and can go to dinner or a play or whatever.

In other words, suck it up and go see your parents because they won't be around much longer and baring some interpersonal issue between you and them, you will be sadder if you don't.

DP, just posted above. I so wish I had this option sooner in life - to work remote and spend more time with my mom when she was healthy. I am only 45 and my mom is 75 but she is not well at all. I often regret moving so far away - I always thought I would have so much more time with her. I was wrong. If you like your parents even just a little bit - spend time with them, it goes by so quickly.

Short of quitting my job, I really cannot go more than once a year because it's so far and expensive, unless I go maybe at Christmas too for just three days, but alone. I only get 15 days of vacation.

You may want to explain your situation to your boss and ask for a few days unpaid. You asked what we do and this is it. I specifically accepted this job, which pays me less than other comparable jobs so that I could work remote and do this. If you can’t or won’t do it, then why ask us? You’ll never regret seeing your aging parents more (unless they’re abusive which doesn’t seem to be the case here). You’ll always regret not seeing them enough. If they’re healthy, why don’t you invite them more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about seeing your parents - you go more often. Just you. If they have the money and cost keeps you from going, mention that. They might gladly cover your cost. Go. Same with siblings. It's important to go, even if it's just you.

I could not go more than once a year. What do you do?

Think about it this way. Depending on your age - let's say you are 45 (a pretty fair representative age on DCUM). That means your mom is about 70 and your dad is about 72-73. Based on demographics and age, your mom will likely live to 87 (give or take) and your dad about 10 more years. Thus, based on your once a year pattern, you will see your Dad 10 more times in his lifetime and your mom about 15 more times. Of those times, how many times will it be because they are in the hospital or have other major health issues? Or would you rather see them when they are active and can go to dinner or a play or whatever.

In other words, suck it up and go see your parents because they won't be around much longer and baring some interpersonal issue between you and them, you will be sadder if you don't.

The question was really about people far away from family. When you do, it's condensed and different, and a lot of quality time, uninterrupted. If you want to talk numbers and compare, it's like having 15 dinners, 15 lunches and 15 breakfasts together in that one span of time. Compared to family close by it is actually more time.

It doesn't change my analysis at all. In fact, it supports the point to see them more because you don't have all those jammed up. I'm not arguing it is easy. It isn't. The question was how often do you see family far away. My point was you should try to see them more - again baring some other inter-personal issue or finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about seeing your parents - you go more often. Just you. If they have the money and cost keeps you from going, mention that. They might gladly cover your cost. Go. Same with siblings. It's important to go, even if it's just you.

I could not go more than once a year. What do you do?

Think about it this way. Depending on your age - let's say you are 45 (a pretty fair representative age on DCUM). That means your mom is about 70 and your dad is about 72-73. Based on demographics and age, your mom will likely live to 87 (give or take) and your dad about 10 more years. Thus, based on your once a year pattern, you will see your Dad 10 more times in his lifetime and your mom about 15 more times. Of those times, how many times will it be because they are in the hospital or have other major health issues? Or would you rather see them when they are active and can go to dinner or a play or whatever.

In other words, suck it up and go see your parents because they won't be around much longer and baring some interpersonal issue between you and them, you will be sadder if you don't.

DP, just posted above. I so wish I had this option sooner in life - to work remote and spend more time with my mom when she was healthy. I am only 45 and my mom is 75 but she is not well at all. I often regret moving so far away - I always thought I would have so much more time with her. I was wrong. If you like your parents even just a little bit - spend time with them, it goes by so quickly.

So you keep adding to the information. You see them as much as you can (and want) and your finances allow. Last time I checked, you can do long weekends by flying on a Friday night and coming back on a red eye. There are lots of ways it just depends on whether you want to (and my view is you should do at least more) and your finances allow. As for finances...there is the old adage about no one being on their death bed saying "I wish I worked more." But, in your case it is the passing of your parents.

Short of quitting my job, I really cannot go more than once a year because it's so far and expensive, unless I go maybe at Christmas too for just three days, but alone. I only get 15 days of vacation.

[Anonymous]

Used to be 2-3x/ year -- I took the kids to CA for 1-2 weeks in the summer, parents visited 1-2x during the year. Now kids are in college and my dad has died. I make it a priority to go see my mom (and sister who lives with her) about once a quarter. We also all (mom + 3 siblings and our families) do a family trip together in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about seeing your parents - you go more often. Just you. If they have the money and cost keeps you from going, mention that. They might gladly cover your cost. Go. Same with siblings. It's important to go, even if it's just you.

I could not go more than once a year. What do you do?

Think about it this way. Depending on your age - let's say you are 45 (a pretty fair representative age on DCUM). That means your mom is about 70 and your dad is about 72-73. Based on demographics and age, your mom will likely live to 87 (give or take) and your dad about 10 more years. Thus, based on your once a year pattern, you will see your Dad 10 more times in his lifetime and your mom about 15 more times. Of those times, how many times will it be because they are in the hospital or have other major health issues? Or would you rather see them when they are active and can go to dinner or a play or whatever.

In other words, suck it up and go see your parents because they won't be around much longer and baring some interpersonal issue between you and them, you will be sadder if you don't.

DP, just posted above. I so wish I had this option sooner in life - to work remote and spend more time with my mom when she was healthy. I am only 45 and my mom is 75 but she is not well at all. I often regret moving so far away - I always thought I would have so much more time with her. I was wrong. If you like your parents even just a little bit - spend time with them, it goes by so quickly.

Short of quitting my job, I really cannot go more than once a year because it's so far and expensive, unless I go maybe at Christmas too for just three days, but alone. I only get 15 days of vacation.

You may want to explain your situation to your boss and ask for a few days unpaid. You asked what we do and this is it. I specifically accepted this job, which pays me less than other comparable jobs so that I could work remote and do this. If you can’t or won’t do it, then why ask us? You’ll never regret seeing your aging parents more (unless they’re abusive which doesn’t seem to be the case here). You’ll always regret not seeing them enough. If they’re healthy, why don’t you invite them more?

What? They can come as much as they want!! They come every other year for a month but they know they could anytime, it is their choice.