College student - credit cards, limits, Ubers, food

[Anonymous]

If you make excuses for him now, you will enable a lifetime of him living beyond his means. Children naturally push against boundaries. It’s our job as parents to reinforce them. Or, he can use his desire for a bigger monthly budget to motivate him to get a part-time job. Do not enable him to mooch off you his whole life. Your job is to help him become independent and make responsible choices.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the kid, depends on the family, depends on your HHI.

Totally agree. My DS gets room and board (i.e. rent and groceries) from a 529 account in a lump sum at the beginning of the semester and has to budget it. We give him a little extra for non-food items (gas, prescription refills, etc) maybe $200/mo. He has lived in cheaper buildings with roommates. When he lived in the dorm with a meal plan, he did buy other food. His schedule never allowed him time to get food on campus more than 1 time per day, he prefers to eat twice a day, and there were very limited options after 8 or 9 pm. Cooking in his 10x10 double room was not really feasible.

DD dated a guy in college whose parents paid a couple of thousand/mo for him to live alone in a huge 2 BR AND gave him $1500 monthly for spending. I'm sure they were fine with him charging whatever to their cards too.

[Anonymous]

We pay for everything for our kid except his tuition as he goes in-state and has full tuition merit scholarship. We are UMC and could pay for fully pay for private college and medical school - if my kid wanted to go that route.

There is still cost of board (dorm or apartment), transportation, food, mess hall, electronics, socializing, club dues, travel and vacation, haircuts, clothes etc. We pay for all of that. Actually, he has access to our credit card, Amazon, store accounts, Starbucks, google pay, Uber, subscriptions etc, and he pays as he needs. We do get notification as he makes payments.

Would we have been so generous if he had not gone in-state or got merit scholarships or if we were not UMC? I think we would have helped our kids with our time and our resources to the best of our abilities even if we were LMC. We started saving and having backup plans for our children from the time they were born. There have been lean years of rice and beans for us and we have been fine with it.

Why have such a high level of trust on my kid? Actually, both of my kids have done us proud. They are high achievers, thoughtful, strategic, hard working, frugal, resourceful, self motivated, super disciplined kids and I would label them as smart nerdy frugal social kids, who hang around with other smart nerdy frugal social kids. Sure, there are occasional parties, splurges and occasional spring break traveling, but they are kids who consistently make good choices. So, if my kid had behavioral issues, made dubious choices, had a sense of entitlement or a case of affluenza - I would have tightened the purse strings substantially.

Does he have any money of his own to spend? Sure. He makes decent amount of money through his internships, and he puts all of it in retirement and savings accounts.

[Anonymous]

We don’t give our college kids any allowance, access to our credit cards or an Uber allowance (!). They use money from their summer jobs for extra expenses. And one kid goes to a college with mediocre dorm food. We do oay tuition, room and board.

If your kid used up his money, that should have been the end of it. Your kid needs to learn how to live within a budget - whether it’s his earnings or an allowance from you. You aren’t doing him any favors by indulging him this way.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - I can see from your note that you had a reason for an allowance, and a budget. That would be the end of the story for a lot of kids, but not yours. I don't think you did anything wrong at all, but I would do two things:
1) Have a conversation about why he is exceeding his allowance, and what he thinks will happen if he does. I assume you are not ruining his credit, but paying overdraft fees on his account. So actually, this is more expensive for you than just the excess allowance. If he has some good reasons for being above budget, then you have the choice to increase the allowance.
2)If after the conversation (which you may have already had), there is no allowance increase, then you need to explain that the financing needs to change because you are the one bailing him out. Capital One has a linked debit/checking account for kids. It is a debit card, not a credit card, and you can transfer money into the account each month. He will not be able to overdraft then. Another option is a credit card with a spending limit. I assume the credit card he has is backed by you, so cancel it and switch to one of these options.

[Anonymous]

My freshman has a credit card for emergencies only. He asks me permission before using it. I let him order from doordash once a week. He has access to uber as well and uses it on weekends to go eat out somewhere in town. His campus is in the middle of nowhere.
Other accounts he can access: streaming and amazon prime. He has never abused cc or amazon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freshman twin mom here. Each boy has a CC with $300 limit to be used for occasional meals or going out and uber rides. They never reach the limit. Including the one that has horrible food at his college, he makes do. I have given him many options to go out to eat at least once a weekend and he rarely does. $300 is very generous. This is a good time to learn to budget

Thank you. This is helpful unlike many of the other comments. Putting a strict limit on the credit card sounds like what we need to do. For the other judgey comments, of course we are teaching him how to budget. We talk all the time, he makes spreadsheets etc.. Clearly it’s easier for some more than others. The transition to adulthood isn’t always smooth sailing for kids who have mental health and other challenges - I didn’t mention that because I asked for guidance and no judgement on how other families set up credit cards and Uber accounts for their college students. Of course we researched the school. It’s an excellent school - not all great schools have great food and are in super safe environments outside of the campus.

[Anonymous]

Of course it depends on your ability and willingness to pay. But I tie the kid's uber accounts to my credit card because I want that always available to them (and they don't abuse it). DD went to a school in an expensive city and had dietary restrictions. She got off the school food plan as soon as possible. But she was closer to $300 per week than month. And this did not set her up for a life of failure - she's a fully employed and independent adult now. DS spent much much less in a medium sized city and with an ability to be satisfied with chicken tenders for years and years.

[Anonymous]

I pay 100% of all ubers - I want my kids to feel like they aren't pressured to drink and drive and I don't want this to be a financial decision. I can afford it and they have my credit card on that account.

After that, my kids have an allowance - if you think the allowance is too low, you can discuss it being higher, but we have an allowance based on actual costs. One of my kids is an athlete and his meal plan is only 19 meals (they presume 2 meals on weekends). But he needs to eat more than that so part of his allowance is a guess about cost of those extra meals, etc. I factor in what I think he should need. That's all he gets - so if he wants more he needs to use money he earned last summer and this summer, he told me he will work more since he wanted more money for going out and taking his girlfriend out to dinner, etc. I give my freshmen DS his allowance monthly, my older DS gets it by semester since I'm trying to teach him to budget.

Both of my kids also have my credit card for emergencies and they do not use them except for when I say so---usually it's to buy pre-approved clothing or flights home, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the person shocked at the credit card - do you suggest giving a debit card only? Sounds like you gave your kid a card linked to your bank account? How did they spend their own money? For the record, the city is dangerous - Uber is for night time safety and sharing cost with others. You do not have to worry about that in Charlottesville. Fraternity houses are an over a mile from campus.

Our DC has a credit card in that he is an authorized user on ours. He understands that he has it for emergency purposes only, e.g., if a flight is cancelled and he needs a hotel room, or if his car breaks down and needs repair. He is not permitted to use it otherwise without our permission (which we sometimes give depending on the situation).

He uses his own debit card linked to his own bank account for everything else and has to budget for entertainment, extra food, toiletries, etc. The food at his school is mediocre but that's how it is and he makes do - as your DC should. Your DC needs to budget within the allowance, full stop.

[Anonymous]

This takes me back to college! I had no money except whatever I made working and it limited me socially so much. Meanwhile I had friends who constantly were out, eating, taking cabs, buying things. I think there is something to be said for not having it 100% easy because these kids will never ever know what it's like to be in someone else's shoes, have to budget, be mindful of costs, and it shows in a sort of entitlement even in the nicest of people...But there is a middle ground and I will seek it with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here again, thank you so much for the info. Many of you have been very helpful! It is always good to know how others do it in all types of colleges and situations and I appreciate the non judgmental info and advice. For the judgey people please make an effort to teach your kids compassion. Everyone is fighting their own battles you know nothing about - knocking people when they are down isn’t the behavior you should be modeling for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I have a college kid in a major city. My DC is a junior living off campus. No Meal Plan. The expenses did get a little out of hand for a little bit, so here's what we did:

Debit Card - DC gets 600 twice a month. Any groceries, amazon purchases, door dash, going out, restaurants etc have to be paid out of the allowance
Taught how to use a Credit Card. The credit limit has increased because of responsible use. So I think the credit limit is now like 2500. BUT. I taught DC that every time they use it, they have to pay it off with their Debit Account. So learning how to money manage, take advantage of cashback etc.
Reminded DC that it is far healthier to eat at home, cook healthy meals, and also cheaper. DC is doing this and it helped to get the expenses in line.

For the most part, DC stays on track.
We pay for all ubers on the family account. I never want DC to feel like they cannot get a ride when they need one in the middle of the city or the middle of the night.
We also pay for club dues, ski trips, and spring break.

[Anonymous]

Our DCs had a debit card only. I would transfer money in as needed and if we agreed. They had no access to a credit card until they could qualify for one on their own, based on their own income (after college). They both to college went OOS. Neither of them had a car

[Anonymous]

I didn't want my kids to have to work in college but here we are, both have a part-time job, one has three part-time jobs. They are juniors. I did not allow them to have a job freshman year. I never gave them an allowance per se, but if they needed something, they'd ask and I'd pay. They both have accesss to my Starbucks account (which is used daily now that they are off campus), Chik Fila app (which is almost never used) and Amazon if they need it for shampoo, soap, detergent etc.

My DS doesn't spend anything but since he's had an internship this year, I give him nothing but do pay his fraternity dues. He pays his food/shopping and any entertainment out of his own money. He is also paying to go to Europe for spring break with his own money.

My DD is another matter, she is a compulsive spender and probably spent $1000 per month several months her freshman year. I cut that off as quickly as I could. Now she works as a bartender and two internships. Yeah it's a lot, but she needs to learn how to live within her means and as long as she keeps up good grades, that's fine with me. She is also paying for her spring break to Europe entirely on her own and does all her own shopping etc. Again, I do pay her sorority dues but nothing else.

To clarify I pay their tuition, apartment rent, power/cable bill, and they have a car that I own and I pay for gas. I do not pay for other things, like food, entertainment, etc.