If your AC had a lot of challenges growing up…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you upwards of 80?

Would that be a crime?

Yes, being over 80 is a crime. You didn’t know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your AC was a very challenging kid, have they matured to the point where you think they would make a good romantic partner and parent? Or do you think the issues will always somewhat be there and come out?

We spent time recently with long-time friends whose DS had a lot of anger issues, lying, verbal lashing out, etc. as a child. I’m glad that they seem to be thriving now in college, but I can’t help but think to myself that I wouldn’t want my DD to date someone who has that in the past. Yet one might think the person was fine/ok upon initially getting to know them.

We also have a friend whose son may be undiagnosed ASD and had no friends growing up. Social skills seem to have improved a bit since being in college. Of course, there are exceptions to every generalization, but would you want your DD to date this person?

All theoretical, just morning musings.

I wouldn't want my DD to date this person but if she wants to then would recommend dating for longer than one year, living together and having some premarital counseling so both understand what they are getting into.

Obviously, parents can't forbid anyone from dating anyone. OP, if this is an arranged/blind set up, don't ask her to entertain it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DD is not likely to date either of the young men mentioned but appreciate the poster who emphasized knowing your worth, respect, love bombing, and recognizing signs of mistreatment.

Yes, it does seem like some personality issues cause long-term issues in marriage (per the DCUM relationship forum).

And yes, you could make anyone sound like a potential bad partner/parent, but I don't think it's unreasonable to consider personal history a potential flag.

To those whose kids have struggled, I hope they continue to grow and develop good relationships of all kinds. I think the right partner can help a lot but that some things may be lifelong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your AC was a very challenging kid, have they matured to the point where you think they would make a good romantic partner and parent? Or do you think the issues will always somewhat be there and come out?

We spent time recently with long-time friends whose DS had a lot of anger issues, lying, verbal lashing out, etc. as a child. I’m glad that they seem to be thriving now in college, but I can’t help but think to myself that I wouldn’t want my DD to date someone who has that in the past. Yet one might think the person was fine/ok upon initially getting to know them.

We also have a friend whose son may be undiagnosed ASD and had no friends growing up. Social skills seem to have improved a bit since being in college. Of course, there are exceptions to every generalization, but would you want your DD to date this person?

All theoretical, just morning musings.

No they don’t change unless putting in active effort and therapy.

Once a baby and child comes along they devolve into their juvenile temper tantruming self and Wifey takes on a mommy role of them. Arguments and divorce ensues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is high-functioning autistic with inattentive ADHD.
He is intelligent and kind, but is socially clueless, has no sense of time, and keeps forgetting things. He's the absent-minded professor type.

I have often thought that if he has a successful marriage, his spouse will have to be a saint!

But then I've been married to his father for 20 years, and he's on the spectrum with ADHD as well... so, it's possible.

This phrase is so tired and usually inaccurate, and sends up huge red flags. Please stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the lack of empathy in the original post is astounding. Do you have any idea what the parents of these kids you denigrate went through every day - both when their children were little and to this very day? Clearly no. Awful post.

Yeah and? Maybe their adult child should not reproduce.

You will be back in the thick of things if your adult son never did the work and you’re still bailing him out of his divorce and child custody parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is high-functioning autistic with inattentive ADHD.
He is intelligent and kind, but is socially clueless, has no sense of time, and keeps forgetting things. He's the absent-minded professor type.

I have often thought that if he has a successful marriage, his spouse will have to be a saint!

But then I've been married to his father for 20 years, and he's on the spectrum with ADHD as well... so, it's possible.

Are you gonna keep it a family secret or tell the fiance?

[Anonymous]

My good friend growing up was bipolar and in meds. Her mom told my mom in confidence, after some moody bouts. She went to a great and nearby state school, was academically successful but also a little wild. She married later in life and didn’t want kids. She knew that would do her in.

It helps to have some self awareness or fear stemming from and understanding of one’s diagnosis. Her husband is very stable and supportive, they have a good relationship and she has a step child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is high-functioning autistic with inattentive ADHD.
He is intelligent and kind, but is socially clueless, has no sense of time, and keeps forgetting things. He's the absent-minded professor type.

I have often thought that if he has a successful marriage, his spouse will have to be a saint!

But then I've been married to his father for 20 years, and he's on the spectrum with ADHD as well... so, it's possible.

Are you gonna keep it a family secret or tell the fiance?

+1. Hope he makes a ton of money to cover up all those shortcomings. That plus only consider stay at home women.