of course my mother scheduled her non emergent surgery for the first day of my kids 2 week spring break.

[Anonymous]

If your mom doesn’t need you there what is her plan? Is she on Medicare? Maybe she’s planning on going to a rehab facility to recover?

[Anonymous]

Call her after her surgery, send some flowers, and wish her a speedy recovery. Why are you making this a thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - it's major enough surgery that it would be very weird if i weren't there.
of course she is saying 'dont worry you dont need to be there' - but that feels very bizarre. her saying 'you dont need to be there' feels more like a ridiculous comment you'd make bc you dont want to change the date, rather than a real reflection of what's needed.

What kind of surgery? Why would it be weird if you weren't there?

I'm a nurse and there are lots of patients who don't have family with them after a major surgery for a variety of reasons. It's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

I just had a surgery scheduled on a very inconvenient date. My other option was to wait another six months.

Sometimes you don't have a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

Also, she probably doesn't have your kids' spring break schedule memorized. I sure don't. cut her some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

Also, she probably doesn't have your kids' spring break schedule memorized. I sure don't. cut her some slack.

no i told her many many many times.
it seems insane to not go. but.... i guess? my dad will be there and then they will have help. But feels v wrong and bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

Also, she probably doesn't have your kids' spring break schedule memorized. I sure don't. cut her some slack.

no i told her many many many times.
it seems insane to not go. but.... i guess? my dad will be there and then they will have help. But feels v wrong and bad.

My mil had a hip replacement and we didn't visit. She really did not need help beyond fil,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

Also, she probably doesn't have your kids' spring break schedule memorized. I sure don't. cut her some slack.

no i told her many many many times.
it seems insane to not go. but.... i guess? my dad will be there and then they will have help. But feels v wrong and bad.

NP. That part is on you.

[Anonymous]

I’m having non emergency surgery (cataracts) and I was given one date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

Also, she probably doesn't have your kids' spring break schedule memorized. I sure don't. cut her some slack.

Just stop OP. You are acting entitled. she owes you nothig

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good ole jewish guilt!

Look, whether she intentionally scheduled it there or not, she told you dont need to be there, and you need to take care of your kids.

Done and dusted. Do what pp said and send flowers, set up food delivery, whatever. But dont stress about it!

op - urgh i guess. but it's a major surgery. it's not hip replacement. she'll likely be in the hospital for weeks.

Sounds like the hospital staff will take care of her, then. Maybe she doesn't want you fluttering around. Save your caregiving for when she gets home and doesn't have a hospital staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had a surgery scheduled on a very inconvenient date. My other option was to wait another six months.

Sometimes you don't have a choice.

+1! I'm the pp whose mom is having her shoulder done on Good Friday. The next available date was in May! My mom can barely sleep with the pain. AND she's my dad's caretaker ( I have arranged respite for him and I took FMLA to care for her after the surgery). OP, your mom has your dad and other help you said? Sounds like she's set. I'd maybe send some meal delivery and FaceTime her.

[Anonymous]

It’s very hard to get the date you want when you schedule surgery. You get what you get. Just don’t go. She said it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

What kind of elective surgery keeps a person in the hospital for weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

Also, she probably doesn't have your kids' spring break schedule memorized. I sure don't. cut her some slack.

no i told her many many many times.
it seems insane to not go. but.... i guess? my dad will be there and then they will have help. But feels v wrong and bad.

She DGAF about your kid's spring break. This is not information you retain about other people's children. Even your grandchildren. Your dad is there. It will be fine. You might even be in the way.